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When will I get my "happy ever after?"

(13 Posts)
summerfling Wed 12-Apr-17 06:07:20

Okay firstly I really shouldn't go off Facebook as what people put on there and what is actually going on in their lives are 2 completely different things but I can't help feeling a bit deflated!

All my exes seem to have moved on, found "the one" & had kids & here I am, a single mum!

Okay yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself....sad

I just feel bad on my son that he didn't get the whole "mum & dad" at least for a few months!

I'm glad my exes are happy, I just wish I was too.

toomuchfaster Wed 12-Apr-17 06:41:11

I think you have to make your own, not rely on a man for it. It's a lot of pressure to put on yourself and him!
The trouble with wanting a 'happy ever after' is that the end of our story is death, time doesn't stop at the wedding like it does in stories. So finding a lovely man still means working at the relationship and going through bad patches.
I'm not in any way suggesting you stop looking! But may be look at it more: I am happy with my life, a man would enhance not complete it. And your son needs a happy mum, with or without a 'father figure'.

jeaux90 Wed 12-Apr-17 06:45:10

Hey summer.

Single mum too here Summer.

First thing to say is I get it. Surrounded by couples and you sometimes just wonder why not me?? I'm a good person.

I went through a massive lonely patch. My daughter was 1 when I left (I had to) she is 8 next week.

I found the first year really hard but then I spent time focussed on my friends and family and my career and lots of energy went into being a good mum.

Then I realised that the loneliness had worn off. The desire to be in a relationship had waned and I was truly happy in my own skin and company. I was kind to myself too, exercised and made sure I looked after myself.

So then after 5ish years of being single (I enjoyed it and did some OLD) I did meet someone. It's early days but I feel like I want a relationship now rather than need one. I don't need to be like everyone else. I am cutting my own path.

I hope that helps.

Finally I want to say....you are amazing. Being a single parent is hard, I bet you are such a strong person.

Xxx

Isetan Wed 12-Apr-17 07:22:30

There are plenty of people who grew up with both parents who didn't get a happy ever after (whatever that is) and as an aside, DD was abandoned twice by her father and the very short period he was involved in her life is no consolation, far bloody from it.

What your seeing on Facebook is people photoshopping their lives to make them appear shinier than they really are. Your not seeing the shit because people generally don't want to broadcast the bad.

If your dissatisfied with an area of your life that you can improve, then do so but flicking through Facebook and being envious of photoshopped bragging is pointless.

summerfling Wed 12-Apr-17 08:01:37

Toomuch, you are so right, I have always felt I've needed a man to make me happy rather than being happy & comfortable on my own.

Jeaux, thank you so much for that!!
I know I'm being silly it's just sometimes I feel it would be nice to have someone to do all of this with! But you are right, I need to work on myself first.

Isetan, I never use fb to post anything as I feel my life is in person not over social media, I use it to keep in touch but stupidly use it to check people's pages.
I think I just needed a reality check, that I don't need someone or any of my exes to make me happy in life, given that my ex made me miserable!

Il have to put this down to lack of sleep (night feeds) & hormones

BackInBlack78 Wed 12-Apr-17 08:10:15

Feeling your pain!

I'm 38, have no children and have never been married.

I've wasted years of my life going from bad relationship to bad relationship. I feel as I'm approaching 40 (40 next year) that I'll never marry or have children and this makes me very sad. Most people my age are either married (or have been) or have children - or both. I know it's not a competition but I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me?!

summerfling Wed 12-Apr-17 09:32:01

Oh back, I'm sorry to hear that!

I feel a bit of a fraud for moaning now as I have been married (now divorced) & I do have a child (not from marriage).

I just want someone who comes home to me everyday, we get on great, someone to talk to.

I actually do think it was me as to why relationships didn't work out.

emilybrontescorset Wed 12-Apr-17 09:37:28

Op don't believe everything you read on fb.
Also you really don't know what goes on behind closed doors, children can put a huge strain on relationships and that includes your ex's.
I do understand where you are coming from.
It is worth holding out for though, there are decent men out there you just have to keep your standards high.
You are doing a fantastic job, single parents don't get the recognition they deserve.

summerfling Wed 12-Apr-17 09:52:57

Emily, completely agree with you.

I came off for good last year (ex DP helped with that!), I refuse to put my life on fb, I don't want ANYONE to know anything. My baby boy is not on there either, I've asked all family & friends NOT to upload anything to do with him.

Completely agree with you on that, my ex DP genuinely believed that having a baby would bring us closer together, he honestly thought we'd get on all the time & life would be a dream hmm bless him, he's probably planning kids with his new gf thinking the exact same thing!!

I'm trying my best to be patient, I keep reminding myself that it's still very early days!
I'm just scared about going into my 30's single sad

emilybrontescorset Wed 12-Apr-17 10:05:00

Don't be scared about being single. You are never too old to meet a new partner. A friend of mine has an elderly relative who found true love at 70!
Make sure you enjoy doing things that you want to do. I know it's hard as a single parent. Can you have your DC's friends over and start friendships with other parents?
Are there groups you can join which offer childcare? Are there interests you can persue? It doesn't have to be with the intent of meeting a partner, but to get enjoyment for yourself.

jeaux90 Wed 12-Apr-17 12:24:56

Summer don't be scared, embrace your freedom!! Being single is great once you get your head beyond the social construct of "having" to be in a relationship.

Back ...if you want a child you can do this on your own. Plenty of us are. Don't for one minute think you need a partner to be a parent

Xx

Cricrichan Wed 12-Apr-17 12:41:49

Don't go off what you see on fb. My life looks absolutely wonderful from the pics i post on fb. Reality is completely different.

summerfling Wed 12-Apr-17 16:28:49

I'm really trying to change my whole perception about "needing" a partner, it's so difficult!

I guess it's because my ex is out there right now enjoying his life with his new gf, without a care in the world whilst I'm at home 2 weeks PP, now wee'ing myself a little, caring for our baby (the one he hasn't even met yet).

Why do I feel like I'm losing out??

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