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Random Emails from EXH???

(17 Posts)
user1470296287 Tue 11-Apr-17 23:31:52

Hi i have been separated from my EXH for a year now with very little contact. The breakup was very sudden and left me devastated .

I have done quite a lot of healing and have built a better more secure life for myself and DS.

Last week i received an email from ex at 1 in the morning asking me if i wanted a single bed as he was moving into a small flat and won't have room for it ?? quite innocent but very random and why would i need it as i have all the beds i need and he knew this.

Then a few days later i received an email telling me all about his life insurance he has taken out ? again not really any of my business now.

I answered politely on both emails but very blunt and to the point , i didn't enter into conversation with him.

Then i received a bolshy email having a go at me telling me he wasn't happy because i had told my son i would reward him for passing his GCSE's if he passes all of them. He was angry as some are predicted C's i think my son deserves a reward after all the upset and upheaval he has been caused and still trying his best to get through his exams.

Im just a bit unsettled again as to why the random emails that are not any concern of me and his anger at a choice i have made that is not anything to do with him.
Why has he tried to start contact again. Then turned nasty.

Any thoughts and advice would be really welcome as I'm feeling a bit confused.

Onecutefox Tue 11-Apr-17 23:37:00

He isn't happy with his personal life OP. Still thinks he can bully you.

noego Wed 12-Apr-17 00:09:18

He's got the green eyed monster thing going on. His ego is damaged because you have proved that you do not need him to create a happy life for yourself. Go girl. Don't let his ego projections bring you down.

WatchingFromTheWings Wed 12-Apr-17 00:12:32

^What they say. He's not happy with his life so wants to spoil things for you. I'd just stop responding to him.

kkkkaty123 Wed 12-Apr-17 07:19:55

Exactly as above,,, I thought also maybe he was testing the water with the first two emails ? Seeing maybe if you would engage with friendly chat ? He sounds like a dick and well done you for coming out the other end ! flowers

Isetan Wed 12-Apr-17 07:31:37

Ignore the emails, they aren't random he clearly wants something from you and seemingly innocuous emails is his 'in'. Detach, detach detach and don't give him the attention he clearly craves.

JustSpeakSense Wed 12-Apr-17 07:54:45

No response is the best response, because anything you say will be the wrong thing in his eyes.

I think him suddenly emailing you is because he is unhappy or dissatisfied with things in his own life, he is not your problem anymore. Ignore and carry on enjoying your own life.

AstrantiaMallow Wed 12-Apr-17 07:58:28

What onecutefox says.
Something hasn't worked out for him. Now he's realised you don't need him and he's trying to take it out on you.
Don't respond now, don't indulge him, but keep the emails.
What you've decided to do regarding your DS and rewards has nothing to do with him. He sounds jealous that you're so together.

user1470296287 Wed 12-Apr-17 13:19:58

Thankyou for the replies , i haven't answered the last 2 emails from him as i had a feeling he was trying to goad me into a confrontation and that will be exactly what he was expecting from me.

I have a feeling he has finally realised the full impact of his choice last year and life isn't as good as he had it before.

This of course is supposition on my part but can't think of any point of him trying to resume contact.

user1470296287 Wed 12-Apr-17 21:05:14

Hi Does anybody think that maybe my ex is trying to find a way back to us with this behaviour and can't find the right words ?

For what its worth i am very curious much to my annoyance as i have no place for him in my life now, but for my own self belief would like to think he was very unhappy without us now he has had a taste of a year being a single(selfish Git). And now realises his happiness was right under his nose.

Anniegetyourgun Wed 12-Apr-17 21:10:57

If his happiness was based on bullying his family, though, that's not the kind of happiness he should be allowed to recreate, is it?

BrightNewLife Wed 12-Apr-17 21:30:44

He could be 'hoovering' you. Its a common tactic used by emotionally manipulative people to suck you back in. It frequently happens precisely when you're getting back in with your life.

There's an explanation of it here:
blog.melanietoniaevans.com/hoovering-how-the-narcissist-tricks-you-into-breaking-no-contact/

user1470296287 Thu 13-Apr-17 13:33:42

Thankyou Bright for that link very interesting reading and so accurate in my situation.

I feel that he is feeling sorry for himself now and the best person to take it out on is me.

Thanks again very helpful to understand the mind of a selfish twat.

NaiceBiscuits Thu 13-Apr-17 16:23:30

Even if he was trying to get you back....treating someone badly isn't exactly a good sign is it? It's most likely that he's bored/unhappy and wants attention from you (ego kibbles). You didn't respond to his 'nice' gestures, so now he's trying to get negative attention. It's about him, not you. Ignore him.

Minime85 Thu 13-Apr-17 16:44:58

If you are happy and secure it sounds like he is jealous and trying to put a spanner in the works as he doesn't like that you are getting on well without him

AllllGooone Thu 13-Apr-17 16:47:01

He's trying to goad you into engaging with him. angry
Don't rise to him op.

AuntieStella Thu 13-Apr-17 16:54:17

If you still need to communicate with him - which you may need to do so because of your DS - then replies need to be short, factual and boring.

You might find it helpful to read up on the 'gray rock' technique.

You don't want to get drawn into debate, or anything else which could lead him to believe he can still get a reaction from you.

Have you got a separate email address that you use only for him?

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