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Is he playing with my head?

(15 Posts)
TJDetweiler Tue 11-Apr-17 21:43:13

DS has been sick for the last two days and has kept me up all night. The first night I stayed up with him no issue and DP did help me clean up some vomit at about 3 in the morning (we are in separate rooms and DS had puked in my bed).

Last night I was really struggling with lack of sleep. DSs temp felt really high and I sent DP a message 'can I borrow you?' He replied with 'it's not a great time' (he was in the middle of a video game that he can't pause). In the end I went in there and asked him to come look at DS, I'm certain he got stroppy about this but he is insistent he didn't.

At 3 am still having had no sleep I took DS into DP and asked him to look after him so I could sleep. He returned 45 minutes later 'because DS took me by the hand and brought me to you'. He then went back to bed and I got up with DS.

He doesn't see that he did anything wrong here and is refusing to apologise. I don't think he should have played a game he couldn't pause whilst his son was ill, complained when I asked for help or brought him back in after 45 minutes.

He's totally convinced that I'm over reacting. I believe he was a selfish bastard.

He works and I am a SAHM but I look after my nephew in the day too so I couldn't really sleep in the day.

Am I being a cow?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 11-Apr-17 22:56:33

You lost me at game he couldn't pause. Is he 8?

Why did you not send him back with DS when he came in?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 11-Apr-17 22:57:15

I don't think you are a cow. The whole situation is odd though.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 11-Apr-17 23:05:36

When dh is asleep place the controller at the bottom of a sick bucket and place beside ds.....
If ds is better then persuade the cat /dog to shit in it instead.
Explain to dh that work and gaming isn't more important or instead of parenting. .

TJDetweiler Wed 12-Apr-17 06:42:19

I'm glad I'm not totally overreacting. It's an online multiplayer game hence the inability to pause it.

I think the separate room thing comes across as odd but honestly when someone plays video games on microphone with his friends until 1am it's kind of hard to sleep in that room.

When I write it down I realise how unreasonable he is. But he always manages to convince me otherwise.

AlternativeTentacle Wed 12-Apr-17 06:53:48

What about the offline multiplayer game called 'life'?

What is the point of him if he does not engage in parenting your son?

Isetan Wed 12-Apr-17 09:29:29

You sleep in separate rooms because he plays video games at 1am and you really didn't see this coming!

His acts of selfishness aren't isolated, they are part of a pattern and there will be a next time. This is who he is, stop waiting for him to be different.

endofthelinefinally Wed 12-Apr-17 09:34:21

He sounds like a selfish, irresponsible manchild.
Does he contribute anything to the relationship? Does he do any parenting of his child?
There must be some reason you put up with him.

user1490817136 Wed 12-Apr-17 09:39:15

So he puts his guild before his son?

He's not playing with your head , he's an irresponsible man with a gaming addiction. Are you sure this is the life you want OP?

JeffJarrett Wed 12-Apr-17 09:47:16

I'm a gamer, DP is a gamer. I understand the importance of having a good chunk of uninterrupted time to be able to play online with other people.

However, it doesn't trump the needs of your DC or each other. He's basically decided that gaming and his own needs are more important than you and your DS. I'd have joined him in his bed with DS if he'd brought him back in the way he did to you. If you aren't getting a break then why should he?

Also, the separate beds is odd too. He'd rather stay up late and game than sleep with his partner?

He's being a selfish dick. I feel like if you think about it there will be loads more things like this that he does. I think you need to have a good chat with him and don't let him downplay these issues.

Butterymuffin Wed 12-Apr-17 09:50:05

Your kids come above your game playing. Basic rule. He's being incredibly selfish and a crap father.

user1490817136 Wed 12-Apr-17 09:56:36

Tell him what you need from him OP. Set hours gaming...he must help in an emergency...you want x amount of hobby time too etc. These will be perfectly reasonable requests.

0dfod Wed 12-Apr-17 10:17:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TJDetweiler Wed 12-Apr-17 12:12:08

We spoke this morning and I made it clear that I'm not prepared to carry on living like this. I'm happy for him to play two nights a week and he will need to come off when I want to go to bed. (Usually about 11 so not unreasonable I don't think)

He did have DS last night until 6am. He does share the housework with me and works hard to provide for us. So he's does bring that. I just don't think he ever got passed the teenage stage of playing video games every single night.

If things don't change from here on out then I'll leave.

Adora10 Wed 12-Apr-17 12:17:33

What a knob, a video game comes before his sick child and then has the cheek knowing your exhausted to hand him over like an inconvenience; he sounds like such a child himself.

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