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No Support System

(7 Posts)
elephantcuddles Tue 11-Apr-17 16:14:03

I have no support system. I'm in the middle of a move in which I was given less than 3 weeks notice. There was no lease. I'm in the states. It's a friend of my mom's. The person has been awful. It's a second home and they decided last minute they wanted to come into town for easter so let me know that I had to move out. They keep texting me, asking me which cleaning people I've hired, when the cleaning people are coming etc. I have to move out Friday morning.

I'm only living in this area temporarily. My mom and dad (divorced) have both told me to take Uber to the store. My mom lives less than 5 minutes away and doesn't work. She spends her days shopping, at pilates, and getting massages. She also does a ton of stuff for my step sister (picks up her kids after school one day a week and volunteers one day a month at the school).

No one is helping me move. I'm doing everything on my own. When I went out of the country, I had to put my stuff in storage even though both parents have huge homes with empty basements with tons of storage space. I feel very alone.

Do you have a support system? Just wondering if anyone can relate... I'm just trying to keep it together right now without falling apart into an emotional mess.

I feel like a background prop in everyone's lives. I'm the only one of my siblings/step siblings not married and without children. I spend time with their kids, take them to the park, etc and no one ever thanks me...their kids are fun, but they are badly behaved and don't say thank you or please or ask nicely. I said the word "stupid" (about how someone had parked) and my nephew went home and told my mom and she gave me a look.

A couple weeks ago my dad and I got into an argument. I'm adopted. His daughter is biological (my sister). There is a vast difference in how he treats us. Both my parents put the least effort into me... I am the youngest and they don't seem to care about spending time with me. He told me to take Uber to the store or whatever and we were driving back to my house. I asked if we could stop at the store. He criticized the house I'm renting and said it's cheaply built, told me I am CHOOSING to be single and live alone, told me I'm CHOOSING to rent small cheaply built houses or small apartments. He said it with a smirk on his face. He never even told me he was proud of me when I graduated with my Bachelor's degree (I did it without any help from either of my parents financially or emotionally). I feel like every part of my life is criticized while he seems to praise my brother and sister and put a lot of time into seeing them. He made me cry and didn't even care. He told me "Do you want to go home? I"ll take you home right now" as if I was a child.

I just feel like shit about myself at the moment and everything is piling up on me. It hurts to feel like I have no support system whatsoever.

Ampersand22 Tue 11-Apr-17 17:58:05

I can relate to almost all of this, your situation. I have no family at all, I cut contact with them all because of the reasons you describe in your post. Youngest child, step siblings that got more attention and help, renting pokey places all my life, paid for my own education. No fucks seemed to be given, my parents have given me nothing, taught me nothing. I don't really know why they bothered. I think in the case of adoption it is complicated, I have read so many stories about abusive parents who adopted, it really was an eye opener, especially as you are "chosen".

I didn't want to read and run, , because it seems like you're at the end of your rope. i don't think there's much traffic here at the moment as it's Easter holidays for the kids, but I will be back later. You are definitely not alone, house moves are so stressful as well as the lack of support. I will be back later, please don't despair. There are so many people on here without love and support from their families, you are in a safe place, someone will be along I am sure with some advice for how to deal with this mean people. I'm sorry, it definitely is not your fault, they are abusive.

Ampersand22 Tue 11-Apr-17 18:00:26

Have you seen the thread "But we took you to stately homes?"
I will bump it for you now.

elephantcuddles Tue 11-Apr-17 18:24:52

Thank you, Ampersand. I have seen that title of the thread, but I never read it. I will go read it now. Thank you.
I'm very sorry to read that you have been through something similar. It's horrible because I think it runs into a lot of other areas of your life. It makes it hard to trust others or let other people in. My boyfriend is also unsupportive atm and it's a long distance relationship but that's a whole other can of worms.

My dad's grandparents were wonderful to me. But my parents are both selfish narcissists. They both call each other narcissists, so it's almost comical. My brother was also adopted, but he is like their golden child. I feel criticized and like a disappointment. I've been given a lot less support, but they would deny it. I can't believe they're treating me like this right now. I'm literally moving in 3 days. It's very hard not to completely break down in tears from all the stress.

elephantcuddles Tue 11-Apr-17 18:25:20

Oops, I meant my dad's parents... not his grandparents (they were my grandparents). But they are passed away now.

Ampersand22 Tue 11-Apr-17 18:43:19

Yes, I don't trust many people either. I have weeded so many out since I realised some truths about my parents, I seemed to attract dysfunctional people like a moth to a flame, it was all "normal" for me anyway. I even had an unsupportive long distance relationship! Maybe the move has really focussed your mind on how unsupportive they really are, for me it was a short-notice general anaesthetic and a stay in hospital, unsurprisingly nobody visited, it was an operation on my foot and I was about to move house (just to a flat upstairs but it was 3 floors and I was wearing one of those boot things they give you after surgery). It made me angry enough to finally do something about it all.

I said no more because there was really nothing to lose, I never really had them. I hope you will get a lot out of the stately homes thread, some diamond people in there, and once you have written things down in a post it seems to be more real. Your dad sounds like a far-gone case, my own dad never went that far, he was just crap and useless but never verbally abusive. This is really extreme stuff, what he is saying to you. It is not ok, no wonder you are struggling. It is awful and not alright.

elephantcuddles Tue 11-Apr-17 19:20:45

I also attract dysfunctional people. I'm tired of it.

Your family sounds just awful to not be there for you during your surgery and in the process of a move right after! I am so sorry, You deserve so much more.

I keep second guessing whether or not the things my dad did and said were really that bad. I told my mom and she didn't seem to bat an eyelash. My dad had a smirk on it when he said these things. He doesn't seem to see anything wrong with it. I was crying, he did not care. He made me feel dumped off and discarded. He hasn't even bothered to get in touch and he knows I'm leaving on Friday. Send you a PM.

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