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Mum and dads relationship

(8 Posts)
user1490100454 Tue 11-Apr-17 15:42:22

As in the title, this is about my mum and dads relationship with each other.

They have been together since my mum for about 25 years, mum is 48 dad is 53. They have 4 children, I'm the oldest at22 and the boys are all younger, youngest being 14.

Just recently my mum has found my dad messaging other seemingly random women on Facebook and liking inappropriate pictures of them. For which me and my brother alerted her to this fact as she hardly goes on Facebook herself. She has chosen to stay with him and work things out but me and my brothers are having a hard time accepting this after all he has done to her. Should we just accept that it is her decision and let her crack on? Dad told her that the reason he did what he did is because of her and how she treats him. She has told me that dad has done nothing wrong and that she loves him and will work it out. It's all a bit of a mess.

A bit of background- he has previously cheated on my mum many times with him leaving twice - once when I was born and again 2 years ago before Christmas without a bye or explanation as to where he had gone, he returned 6 months later and mum welcomed him back with open arms. We feel that he is emotionally abusive and controlling of mum as the money he earns is very much for himself and not for her or to pay bills. He often says horrible things to her and her confidence in herself is on the floor. She believes that she would never find anyone else now. He does not allow for her to have a car anymore and refuses to help her buy one despite having his own brand new car on finance. They have always struggled through life with little money however he always has beer in the fridge and gets angry if there isn't any and isn't nice food for him to eat.

Me and my youngest brother are at our wits end and no longer want to have anything to do with our dad as he has been so shit over the years, the youngest now stays at his girlfriends house (which my mum hates) and says he won't come home until dad is gone. I love 200 miles away so can only do so much from here. my mum is very angry and me for telling my brothers what dad has done and tells me to sort it all out as I have caused it.

How can I sort all this mess out? I'm totally at a loss and stressed as hell trying to figure it all out! Looking for advice on how best to talk to my mum about the situation and what to do with my brother .....

Sorry it's long and I've rambled ! blush

user1490100454 Tue 11-Apr-17 15:47:03

So many typo's sorry guys ! Also like to add that my mum works full time also but earns half as much as my dad (he struggles to hold down a job though and switches jobs every couple of months) which has led them to move all over the country....

yetmorecrap Tue 11-Apr-17 16:00:47

Well it's her choice but you can only be there to support her. I think she is mad, I would rather be on my own

hellsbellsmelons Tue 11-Apr-17 16:09:03

I'm 48 and starting again.
Loving being single.
But your mum would have had the confidence and stuffing knocked out of her over the years.
Can you suggest she call Womens Aid for some guidance?
Would she call them?
You know she needs to leave.
Your bothers know she needs to leave.
For her own sanity!
But.... only SHE can actually action the leaving bit.
Until she is ready she won't do it.

user1490100454 Tue 11-Apr-17 16:09:26

I think we just wait until it all comes crashing down, again. I just feel like she'all regret wasting her life on him when she could have met someone that treats her properly and loves her sad

user1490100454 Tue 11-Apr-17 16:11:13

I don't know if she would call them TBH, she's very adamant that she's staying with him. I just wish my mum would have the bottle that you did to leave also

Aquamarine1029 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:52:40

Could your mom come to visit you for a while? Maybe it would be easier and more productive to talk to her in person and if she's away from your father.

user1490100454 Wed 12-Apr-17 20:32:10

I could ask her I suppose. She doesn't like to leave him for long though as he doesn't know how to cook or run the house without her (it normally ends up in disaster and she feels like everything falls apart if she isn't there)

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