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How to get the spark back

(8 Posts)
Flowerybox Tue 11-Apr-17 12:07:48

I have been with DP for nearly 3 years now and up until now we have had the most amazing relationship. He is the most loyal, kind and amazing person I have ever met. We have both recently admitted that the spark seems to have gone. We are more like friends than partners and I just don't know what to do because we still love each other a ridiculous amount and want to make this work. We have an 8 month old and I know the stress and lack of sleep has massively contributed. DD does co sleep the majority of the time which obviously leaves 0 time for sex, to be honest it's the last thing on my mind at the end of the day anyway at the moment but it's important to me to start trying to make time for it. The worst part is I've start to have a little crush on a friend of mine. I haven't told anyone and I don't ever plan on. Nothing will ever come of it. I feel so horrible though for even having a crush when I love my boyfriend so much. Is this normal after having a baby? Is it normal to have crushes when you're in a relationship? Sorry I just needed a rant as it's all really starting to get to me sad

00100001 Tue 11-Apr-17 12:11:41

Get someone to look after your baby for a few hours? sounds like you maybe need some baby free time in general. Maybe t could be a regular thing? Maybe once a week they go to a child minder/nursery/family for a couple of hours?

Talk to your boyfriend - and find out how he feels about it all.

00100001 Tue 11-Apr-17 12:15:03

We all have crushes - and that's OK smile Its a whole "look but don't touch" thing.

You guys are probably exhausted and still getting used to little one being in your life. Things will be different now baby is on the scene.
Accept that and life will be easier. It can;t ever be the way it used to be, because you have fundamentally changed the way your life is. It's like... moving to another country, it's a huge change, big decisions, affects a lot of people and it wont be the same as living at home. But it can be a great thing! a new adventure. A new life. Different, but good! You find a new way of living smile

PeppaAteMySoul Tue 11-Apr-17 12:16:07

I'd say it's normal for things to change after a baby- particularly after you're first baby.You just need to be committed to weathering the storm together.
Maybe don't see your crush for a while to let that die down and put effort into your relationship instead. Be committed to spending time together even if it's just a few glasses of wine and a film after baby is in bed.

Flowerybox Tue 11-Apr-17 12:26:21

Thank you everyone for the responses. We do have a 'date night' once a month but again we're always too tired to do much, we've been for a meal once which was lovely. In regards to the crush I work with him so it'll be difficult not to see him. I'm not planning on jumping on him anytime soon though so hopefully it dies down. I've been feeling old and haggered lately and he's younger and flirty so I think it's just that the attention has been nice.

TheNaze73 Tue 11-Apr-17 18:16:11

I think yo both need to push the wife & husband time, even if it's for a couple of hours per week & drop the Mum & Dad bit. It's a slippery slope once you fall too far down it. Money & sex are the two biggest reasons couples split in the U.K. Good luck & I hope you both discover & reconnect. I hope he's pulling his weight

Cinnamon2013 Tue 11-Apr-17 18:20:44

With an 8 month old you are really in the thick of it of it still. Don't underestimate the impact of that.

Flowerybox Tue 11-Apr-17 19:14:58

thenaze he more than definitely pulls his weight, he's amazing with DD and does more than his fair share of housework smile

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