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Controlling ex

(9 Posts)
Runrabbit1 Tue 11-Apr-17 11:39:26

HI my husbands ex wife and mother of the two children gives us nothing but hassle for our whole relationship.
We both have two boys each so have been gradually blending our family and are in a good place. But she is very unstable and is always either trying to get my husband to still act like her husband by wantING a very unhealthy "friendly" relationship where they text and chat with kisses on the texts and chat and go to each others houses (something I am totally NOT on board with)

Or she sends reams of writing threatening us because the boys had an argument (even though her don started it) and mine is now a bully and she will report us or to terrible emails threatening to take the children away from him (even though he is a wonderful, decent father and she has lost her licence for drunk driving and has a drink and mental health problem sling with a long string of horrendous and abusive boyfriends).

So this morning g we get a "white flag" email suggesting we go to mediation to sort out how to go forward. I find this laughable as all we want is to be civil and send the minimal amount of messages re: picking the boys up etc but it's her that causes all the drama.

I think mediation is another one of her dramatisations and the fact she's feeling happy today. My husbamd however wants to go to placate her and he thinks if she's happy it will all be ok.

Am I unreasonable to be infuriated by the fact that he's putting her happiness first and not taking into account it's not needed and we can just say "thanks for the email, let's be civil from now on"?

It seems to me he's still putting her feeing and suggestions first and not his actual wife. She has caused us SO much hassle and trouble you have no idea and is very manipulative and controlling and this us just another way to keep her control over my husband.

Help and advice please!

Kikikaakaa Tue 11-Apr-17 11:46:52

No he should go to mediation for his kids. Not for her and not for you. I agree she sounds undesirable but it's not really your choice - it's his.

Something you have to accept is that sadly you are the 'third parent' on the edge of the actual mother and father. You can have views and give advice but his his ex, his kids.

And this is his life. So you have to accept it.. sorry

Kikikaakaa Tue 11-Apr-17 11:48:37

I should have continued... you do not explain her much more than her behaviours; whether she is hurt and grieving losing her husband and struggling?

Mediation might be a very good idea, she obviously has been unable to follow boundaries and this could be a great environment for her to learn.

Runrabbit1 Tue 11-Apr-17 12:01:24

It's mediation for the three of us not the two of them.. they've been divorced 5 years and she instigated it so not grieving

Kikikaakaa Tue 11-Apr-17 12:03:33

You cannot know how she feels

I don't know how you expect to promote a civil relationship when you hate her as much as you describe, judge her on her life, have no compassion for her, feel jealous and possessive over your DH etc

highinthesky Tue 11-Apr-17 12:04:14

I'd go with the mediation. She might finally realise how unreasonable she's been, and you might get an insight into how her mind works. She's probably reading stuff into your behaviour that hasn't actually happened.

gamerchick Tue 11-Apr-17 12:42:36

Tbh this is one of those times I would like her side of the story.

thethoughtfox Wed 12-Apr-17 10:54:02

Why not go to mediation? Then you seem like the reasonable one and you might get a sensible solution.

jojo2916 Wed 12-Apr-17 16:48:32

Divorced 5 years ?? Anything other than communication re the children is unnecessary so if you are unhappy I think he is unreasonable to put her needs before yours , if he still wanted a close relationship with his ex he shouldn't have got married again IMO

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