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Finally left him...now what?

(9 Posts)
MsMontyWomble Tue 11-Apr-17 10:55:54

I finally left my partner (not married) after being together for 10 years. We have two DC's. He is a functioning alcoholic - pretty much our whole relationship. We have split before but I always went back. I always said I had to reach a point where I knew that I could 100% say to my children that I had try my absolute hardest and done all I could - knowing that was the complete truth.
This weekend was the last straw. He smashed our full length mirrored wardrobe door by repeatedly punching it - I was sat on the floor in front of it getting ready for a night out (the trigger of his anger). Our children were in the house. Prior to this, he had already fallen asleep drunk on our bed and then vomited all over the bed, floor, curtains. He had also thrown a can of cider across the room at me, it missed but hit the mirror and covered me and the room.
I got the kids out and took them to family to stay the night so they were safe and I stayed as a friend as there was no room. We have been staying with the same friend ever since.
I saw him briefly so I could get the car and the kids clothes etc. He tried to apologise and wanted to talk but I ignored these pleas.
My kids were ok after the first 2 nights but now (my eldest 8 year old DD) is taking her emotions out on me as they dont understand why we cant go home and misses her dad.
He hasn't offered to move out, offered me money (knowing I have none) and when I went to pick up the stuff there was still sick, glass and blood everywhere.
This is not an isolated incident, he has thrown things at me before, calls me names, mocks me, threatens me with violence. But when he is not drinking he is total normal, funny and loving and I stayed because I allowed him to apologise and blame the drink instead of him for his actions.
What do I do??? I don't want to go back there with him - we jointly own the house.
I have no money or savings.
Does anyone have any advice, we cant stay with my friend for too much longer, the 3 of us are sharing a double bed whilst she sleeps in with her flatmate.
God its all such a mess.

Adora10 Tue 11-Apr-17 11:21:29

The best thing you could ever do for your kids is not let them live with this arsehole for any minute longer; him and your relationship with him is damaging your children, to stay would be to inflict more mental pain on them; it's a non brainer OP, if you do go back, it's very likely you are going to end up in hospital; how exactly is that protecting yourself, you need to be able to be a mum; don't let this waste of space drag you down any further.

Adora10 Tue 11-Apr-17 11:23:25

Time to lean on your family and hopefully they can help you start again.

MsMontyWomble Tue 11-Apr-17 11:24:43

I will not go back.But what I do about me and the kids. I am guessing as I "have" a house we will not qualify so social housing?
I don't know where to go for help. I feel so desperately lost and trying to put on a brave face for my kids. They have so many questions and I just do not have the answers.

MsMontyWomble Tue 11-Apr-17 11:26:51

My mum has a small flat and no savings or anything other than a shoulder to cry on by way of help. My dad is dead. My sisters are in the same situation as my mum unfortunately.
Is there a way I can make him leave even though we jointly own the house? But even then I couldn't afford the house on my own. God, its such a mess.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 11-Apr-17 12:19:00

Call Womens Aid and see if they can recommend some local services that can help you out.
Then contact CAB and get their advice on your situation.
Do NOT go back there.
See what support services you can access and take it from there.

MsMontyWomble Tue 11-Apr-17 13:23:25

Thank you for your responses. He has just text me out of the blue to say he is spending the weekend sorting the house out and then he will move out so me and the kids can move back in. But my worry is if he decided once we are back to not leave or to come back after some time away then I legally cannot stop him.
I have photos of the damage to the house and the blood drops and smears - my friend says I should report it to the police so they have a record of the incident? But I wouldnt want to press charges though - that wont be helpful but if I do file a report - could they press charges without me agreeing or wanting to?

hellsbellsmelons Tue 11-Apr-17 15:28:44

You could call 101 and ask for the DV team.
Ask to speak to them anonymously for advice first and see what they say.
You shouldn't have to give your name or anything unless you want to.
I do think you can 'log' incidents without having to press charges.
But it would be a good idea to protect your children in the future and to keep him away from the house.
You could get a restraining order.
Again, Womens Aid could advise you on this.

SparklyMagpie Tue 11-Apr-17 16:54:55

Can I ask why you wouldn't want to press charges?

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