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Is it me or him?!

(28 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

StarryAgainstBlack Tue 11-Apr-17 01:23:08

An unwritten rule of our sex life is that every time, we must both orgasm and every time we both give oral and have piv sex. I simply tried to give him oral sex and it didn't go down well. I did it v happily. I said worry about me later when he openly questioned it but he still couldn't let it go. Sometimes forced pleasure no longer becomes pleasurable. Anyway we gave up and now he's in a mood but I know 100% if I had followed the unwritten rules of our sex life ( his rules) then it would be fine.

HerOtherHalf Tue 11-Apr-17 09:04:14

He's in a huff because you tried to give him a BJ? Wow! Seriously, sex is meant to be fun and mutually enjoyable. All this nonsense about unwritten rules and going in moods if they are not stuck too sounds like fun-sapping nonsense and ever so controlling. I note you say they are his rules as well - who put him in charge exactly? Is this sort of controlling behaviour evident in other aspects of your relationship?

I actually think you would be better restarting this thread in the Relationships forum as it's more about that than sex which is really just incidental in this case.

alltouchedout Tue 11-Apr-17 09:17:24

DH took years to understand that sometimes I was just fine with not having an orgasm and that I could enjoy myself plenty without one.

xStefx Tue 11-Apr-17 09:35:09

Your problem is having rules. You don't need them for sex. Just be spontaneous and fun . You don't both always have to orgasm.

noego Tue 11-Apr-17 17:38:11

Rules in the bedroom ffs. The bedroom is where you break all the rules smile

TheNaze73 Tue 11-Apr-17 18:21:25

I agree with the last two posters. If two consenting adults have rules in the bedroom, you're doomed.
Sounds like you both & he in particular, need to not sweat the small stuff

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Tue 11-Apr-17 19:55:23

Bedroom rules are a definite no, cannot believe he got the face on about a no strings BJ...hmm

Emboo19 Tue 11-Apr-17 21:12:35

So every sexual encounter goes the same way, oral each then piv sex?
How odd and boring!

I agree with HerOtherHalf it's a relationship problem not a sex one. He doesn't get to make the rules and you just have to go along with them. Is he like that in other areas?

StarryAgainstBlack Wed 12-Apr-17 03:35:32

Things always seem to have to happen in the similar way, yeh it is pretty dull and boring. I can't really understand it, it's not been openly said but I knew that he would go weird if I did it and obviously he did as he left the room in a mood and slept in the spare room.

Gallavich Wed 12-Apr-17 04:17:33

Do you mean he wanted to give you oral instead? I'm not quite sure what happened. You didn't want oral and wanted to give him oral instead so he got angry?
That sounds very controlling and unpleasant and actually bordering on sexually abusive, if he is angry because you didn't let him do something sexually even if that thing was focused on your pleasure.

StarryAgainstBlack Wed 12-Apr-17 06:08:18

I just gave him oral and was wanting to continue doing it, I thought it would be good for s change. When he said what about you I was like I'm fine worry about me later. It's pretty weird isn't it. Just enjoy it!

xStefx Wed 12-Apr-17 06:39:59

How long have you been together op? Is this a reasonably new relationship?

picklemepopcorn Wed 12-Apr-17 06:42:57

Sounds like my DH.
Are there other areas of his life which are very orderly and routine bound? Some people dislike surprises, variety.

Swingingsusie Wed 12-Apr-17 06:45:32

So you wanted to make him cum from oral rather than stop to have the PIV and oral for you.
I can kind of see where he's coming from as well. He didn't want to cum from oral. Also he wanted you to stop as you could do other sexual things. Obviously it's fine if you say actually I don't fancy PIV today or oral myself today but I'd love to make you cum but I think you should have said that earlier before the misunderstandings

Gallavich Wed 12-Apr-17 08:10:43

It sounds very dreary. Sex isn't supposed to be so prescriptive.

xStefx Wed 12-Apr-17 09:27:41

Swing ,
I get what your trying to say but the guy stropped and slept in the spare room because of it.

Swingingsusie Wed 12-Apr-17 10:07:12

Yep the stropping was definitely out of order

Happybunny19 Wed 12-Apr-17 12:05:17

I understand him not wanting to finish during oral, despite popular belief my DP doesn't like to either, he just prefers to finish with PIV. For your OH to get into enough of a strop to sleep in another room is just odd and out of order though. Have you discussed this since? I would be inclined to refuse the routine he's enforcing after that sort of treatment until he's willing to discuss his behaviour and contemplate compromise. Is he interested in your overall enjoyment or is he simply focussed on the end goal, your orgasms? Does he exert this type of controlled behaviour in other aspects of your relationship?

SaltySeaDog72 Wed 12-Apr-17 13:01:54

I can see how he had other ideas, and he may (wrongly) feel hurt that you didn't want to do the 'full routine repertoire'

It's the response that's the problem though. Stropping off and sleeping in the spare room?

Have you spoken since? Y'know, like adults?

Agree this is a relationship issue and you would do well to move this thread there.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 15-Apr-17 12:47:30

I would run like the wind away from this relationship. He's controlling and mentally abusive. You didn't follow his "rules" so he storms off to sleep in the other room?? Are you kidding me? Why do you think, in any way, that it's ok for him to dictate what YOU do with your own body during sex? This is incredibly disturbing.

StarryAgainstBlack Fri 26-May-17 20:43:49

Well it's been a while but I've tried to talk to him about that night and he's just in denial. Doesn't want to talk basically. It's totally put me off as I can't face the sex by numbers thing anymore.

LouMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 26-May-17 21:19:07

OP has asked us to move this thread into Relationships and we're going to do that now.

CookieMonster54 Fri 26-May-17 23:17:13

For a lot of us men, the female orgasm gives us much more satisfaction than our own (I imagine that's true in reverse for some women, too). I mean, that's why so many women fake it, right? To make their partner feel good about himself?

Now, I think he's being an arse about it, but I gotta say, too, as a man that I too kind of feel weird and a bit useless when I'm the only one who finishes, even if she's insistent about it.

But I wouldn't make it a rule. That's a bit odd.

LucieLucie Fri 26-May-17 23:30:45

No Cookie, most women fake it cos they've had enough of a shit pounding and want it to finishgrin

Moanyoldcow Fri 26-May-17 23:33:10

Lucie beat me to it...

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