Title says it all. I'm wobbling. I think he's starting to soften and don't know what to do if he asks.
If you've separated for any reason? How long was it and did it work? For those who don't know, I think mine has at least had an emotional affair. I need to be prepared. I don't feel ready yet for him to ask me if he can come back. The texts are starting. I'm so confused about what to do.
He doesn't know what he wants . . . hmm. Even that in itself rings alarm bells for me. Low contact until he knows what he wants, and you know what you want. It won't help you if he's unsure, dithering, changing his mind every five minutes.
Keeping contact with OW since last summer is sustained and not a mistake. Sounds like the thrill of their relationship is wearing off and he's sounding out if he can come back to his second best. Be wary OP.
I don't know what I want. He's done so much damage. I don't know if I could ever forgive him or trust him again. He's made me feel so ugly and worthless. And I'm still not sure he appreciates what he's done to me. At the moment it seems to be how he's feeling.
Similar situation here, it's been 4 months and lots of counselling and we're only just getting there.
It's so hard with young children because it muddies the water so you can't see what you want, you're so busy worrying about everyone else. You need space, and time. Only talk about the children and nothing else. I started to miss my husband, and I could see all the changes he had made. That's what helped us, but it may well be different for you.
He left early December. Blamed me completely. I found his phone bills early march. Then I knew what had really happened. I filed for divorce 2 days later. He now says he's felt like this for 4 weeks. Crying and confused all the time. Not sure if he's made a mistake and should've stayed.
But I feel like I've come a long way since he's done what he's done. I've kept my dignity and made all the right choices for the kids.
He's adamant he's not had an affair. But he may have a different idea of what an affair is. His bills were crazy. And since last summer.
Maybe now it's dawning on him. But I just don't know if I could get over what he's done.
Bones I would reiterate OhBliss's advice to be very wary.
Maybe your H has genuinely realised how much he loves you and what an awful mistake he's made or maybe OW has decided to stay with her husband after all and he just doesn't want to be alone.
I'm speaking from bitter experience. STBXH left (completely out of the blue) for 6 months, came back for a year and has now left for good and is cohabiting with OW. In hindsight I believe they have had an on again / off again relationship going back at least two years, and STBXH was merely hedging his bets with me whilst he saw how things were going to pan out with her. She split with her H, he was off like a shot.
I really hope things work out for you and your girls but please think carefully.
I do believe he's struggling with himself at the moment. He seems to have been like this since I told him I'd seen his phone bills. He rang me crying after he was served with the divorce papers.
Thing is though, he has to be able to admit to himself what's happened between them before he can make sense of it. He clearly didn't love me. How could he whilst getting so close to her?? If struggle with that because I'd always wonder if she was back on the scene. Don't know if I could cope.
Ultimately he's invested in another relationship to the detriment of his marriage.
It's no good him just being 'confused' and that's not the same as fully understanding what he did was wrong, the effect it had and that he is mortified and desperate to do whatever it takes to try to make the marriage workable and then strong again.