Pregnant and distant husband

[al1111]

Feel really ranty but feel I don't know what to do. I am currently 22 weeks pregnant and feel I'm going through it all on my own, despite being married. He has anxiety troubles, and as a result of this he won't discuss anything to do with the baby. He has fears that things could go wrong, and when I talk about baby stuff he doesn't want to know. This is our first so it should be a special time. Conversations are strained and really have no purpose, we've been sleeping in separate rooms for a month now. Really don't know what to do.

[isitjustme2017]

Was the pregnancy planned OP? if so, were his anxiety issues discussed beforehand. He is being really unfair, anxious or not and needs to get over this. I'm sure you have your own concerns without having to deal with his behaviour. If he is worried something might go wrong, what he hell will he be like when you go into labour? Sleeping in separate rooms is not going to help and is a slippery slope. I can only suggest you really have it out with him - you need his support. How long have you been together?

[al1111]

Yes it was planned, we've been together for 5 years, married 2 years today although it didn't even feel like our anniversary. I used to feel guilty about making him get over his anxieties but I can't even do that any more. He sees that I'm starting to get a little tired and will leave plates and clothes all over the place, he does zero housework and still I haven't really complained, cos I've got to the point where I don't want to rely on him for anything. I do need to have it out, I just wanted to vent and make sure I'm not being unreasonable by expecting support from him and expecting him to get over his anxieties.

[al1111]

5 years down the line and we’re still here!

[Shoxfordian]

Has he done any housework in those five years?

[category12]

Is he getting any help for his anxiety?

If he's not, I'd make it part of the conversation you have with him that he gets some, or he goes back and gets more - because when you have the baby, you're going to need him to step up and be someone you can lean on.

You also need him to start picking up after himself and doing his share at home, otherwise you're going to develop a shit ton of resentment that will kill your relationship.

It's one thing running round after a bloke making him the centre of your world and centring his feelings when it's just you - when you have a baby, the baby actually needs you.

[category12]

Oh sorry, didn't click that this is your old thread resurrected.

[EvenMoreFuriousVexation]

How have things been in the interim, OP? Has he stepped up, has he taken responsibility for himself?

[al1111]

It’s been hit n miss. But it’s now safe to say I’d rather be without him than with. And I’d like to think the same goes for my 5 year old daughter. That’s without even going into the names he calls me

[al1111]

No!

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

How can you be helped into leaving this man?. He is really no male role model to your child either.

[al1111]

I’ve adjusted to the fact that actually I don’t really need any help. I’ve played single mum for 5 years but obviously my daughter craves her dads attention (he’s just really bloody awful at giving it). But I do know when push comes to shove, I’m more than capable of going it alone. I just wanted to get it off my chest really

[category12]

You do realise this is the model of relationships you're instilling in your daughter by staying? Is this the life you want to see her recreate?

[MsDogLady]

So the detached, worthless husband and father who calls you despicable names has been your DD’s ‘normal’ since birth? That is troubling. Isn’t it time to give him the heave-ho, @al1111?