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FWB - Confusion!!

(23 Posts)
user1477381393 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:05:31

I've been dating a guy for 5 months now, originally agreed neither of us were looking for a serious relationship we just enjoyed each others time. We spend every night together, not sleeping over, just eating out or grabbing a drink. He's now started showing jealousy signs when I receive male attention, totally innocent attention but it makes him jealous, I don't understand that part fully as he makes everyone aware he's not my boyfriend?? He has a 'good friend' who he messages quite a lot and he has always been totally honest with me about her, she lives a few hours away so they don't see each other, the only thing is when I say something about her he gets very defensive and we argue about it. She rings him constantly and if he doesn't answer she gets really nasty with him, so most of the time he will answer and ask me to be quiet or he will rush home so he can talk to her. Am I missing something here? hmm

PastysPrincess Mon 10-Apr-17 10:09:35

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it.

Grimnews Mon 10-Apr-17 10:14:06

Do you KNOW she lives a few hours away? Do you know her name? If so can you look her up on FB?

Sack him off anyway, he can't have it both ways.

user1490817136 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:18:10

It sounds like he wants you and his other 'good friend' but has no desire to commit to either of you.

It up to you as to whether this is a good situation to be in or not but I'd say that he does seem to be acting in a hypocritical way. If he can enjoy the attentions of other women then why can't you enjoy the same of other men?

user1477381393 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:19:24

I've already looked her up, she definitely lives a few hours away. She asks him to visit all the time because she has stuff going on and 'needs a mate' and he always makes excuses not to go. He constantly swears there is nothing more going on between them but it turns heated as soon as I mention it.

LesisMiserable Mon 10-Apr-17 10:25:07

There is something going on ,its probably his LDR girlfriend and he's fucking you on the side.

user1490817136 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:26:33

But your situation is a fwb one , OP. You actually have no right to ask if she is a threat or not , if you want more then please don't put yourself in a 'casual' situation. It sounds like it could get messy , not to mention risk of unwanted pregnancy and STIs - these things can be an issue no matter how careful you are.

user1490817136 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:30:10

Oh and please don't fall into the trap of fb stalking this girl! She is not your competition , you are unique and you mustn't compare and contrast your situation/looks etc with her. This man isn't a prize , he is simply a human male...and a confused one at that!

noego Mon 10-Apr-17 10:32:48

Jealousy and defensiveness doesn't exist in a true FWB. These are red flags OP. Get rid ASAP.

Sweets101 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:34:48

It all sounds like way too emotionally invested for a FWB, and therefore missing the supposed be benefits... It doesn't sound fun at all tbh.

user1477381393 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:34:55

Of course I have no right to ask if she's a threat or not. I've always said to him from day one, be totally honest. If there are other people, be honest about it. I thought it was FWB until he started acting protective of me (if that's the right way to put it), and saying things messing around like oh you're cheating on me already when I have banter with other males. We fell out last night over this girl and it wasn't me grilling him, he couldn't deal with the pressure of me being there and she was ringing and ringing. We haven't spoke since, part of me wants to leave it at that. We don't owe each other any explanation, it was what it was. Then part of me wants to send a message, but what one earth do I say without sounding like a bunny boiler? confused

LesisMiserable Mon 10-Apr-17 10:38:15

As the others have said this isnt FWB if you're analysing what to say to him. I would put money on this girl being his partner/wife and thats why he's getting flustered. Bin him before he bins you because it sounds like it will bother you if he does.

BitchQueen90 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:53:26

This all sounds way too confusing for me.

I have a FWB and it's exactly that - a FWB. I don't want a relationship and he likes living a bachelor lifestyle. We meet every couple of weeks, get on well, enjoy each other's company.

We text each other occasionally when we're not together, have a laugh and general chit chat. No emotions involved. Simple as that.

If he doesn't want to be your boyfriend then he has no right to get jealous. Sounds dodgy to me.

TheNaze73 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:07:25

This doesn't sound like FWB at all to me. This sounds more stresssful than a relationship. More like friends with hassle

user1477381393 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:09:09

This is the problem, I'm so confused with it all. For me right now, I can take it or leave it. I'm not in love with him, and he is fully aware of that which I think surprises him. I'm just confused about what its turned into, we both continuously say we're single but I am exclusive to him. Then there's the jealousy side on his part.. I don't know, suppose only I know what's best to do.

LesisMiserable Mon 10-Apr-17 11:26:32

Why are you talking to him about other men? In order to see if he reacts jealously? Dont kid yourself that you're not getting a kick out of it. It sounds like he's projecting his fears of you being with another man because thats exactly what he's doing. Seeing someone behind the other womans back.

Adora10 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:26:56

Personally I'd find someone who's only into FWB not someone I could trust or believe their being honest; just by the very nature of the set up; I think you are now experiencing that and I don't see that changing whilst you are in that set up.

TrippyMcTrapFace Mon 10-Apr-17 11:27:34

The 'jealousy' could be because he's anxious not to lose the comfortable setup he has with you. He knows if you meet someone else that you like you may want a relationship with the new person and you'll drop him.
Are you sure you don't want more with this guy? It's coming across that you do.

TrippyMcTrapFace Mon 10-Apr-17 11:28:13

x posted but YY Les !

user1477381393 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:46:33

I don't talk to him about other males, not at all because there are no other males. Its when we're out in a friendship group and I have banter with some male friends, he makes comments like that. I don't know if I want more, like I said I could take it or leave it. I wouldn't shoot the idea down straight away, but it's like we're already in a relationship.. just without the label - seems like its getting messy. It comes across as if he's reaping the benefits of that. I just really wanted some advice from total outsiders and how the situation would be perceived to them.

Ellisandra Mon 10-Apr-17 11:50:09

He just sounds like a pain in the arse. So just end it.

As TheNaze said: more like FWHassle grin

TrippyMcTrapFace Mon 10-Apr-17 11:53:25

* it's like we're already in a relationship.. just without the label - seems like its getting messy.*

That's the thing. FWB does get messy when one person has a vested interest in making it seem like a relationship for their own purposes. FWB can work - well - but only if you're both on the same page and neither of you have an agenda that involves a bit of game playing.

HidingEyes Mon 10-Apr-17 13:20:44

FWB can work if you have had open heart surgery and had yours removed.

Its astounding the number of FWB posters on here who are 'so cool' with it all but are all in knots about it at the same time. I guess for some people its a means to an end, but for a 'feeling' person its positively damaging IMO.

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