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He's put me down

(14 Posts)
sillywoman12 Mon 10-Apr-17 00:51:11

Hi all, don't need advice as nothing I can do but feel to vent before I do something silly. My ex partner who just broke up with me a few days ago called to say he's done with me because yes I'll be the best girl for him and his future but he's not attracted to me. Been with him 5 years and on off for 2 so 7 in total. I lost a lot of weight and apparently walk with no energy and maybe someone will love my insecurity. He wasn't nice when saying it. Right now I feel like I'll never be loved and something's wrong with me

pog100 Mon 10-Apr-17 01:30:04

Something's wrong with you???! There is one person who has something wrong with them here, and it's not you. You sound lovely he sounds the opposite. Please don't let an idiot spoil your self esteem.

summerfling Mon 10-Apr-17 02:39:04

Don't listen to the crap that comes out of his face.

sillywoman12 Mon 10-Apr-17 08:35:20

I've been knocked down before when I tried moving on and went on a date the guy also turned around and said he didn't want to continue because he wasn't attracted to me physically then my ex yesterday saying the same has really effected me. How do you get back up from this? I'm only in my early 20's aswell that's the worst thing

HeavenlyEyes Mon 10-Apr-17 08:47:20

you need some self esteem - and you won't find it dating idiots such as this! Why do you put up with such crap and set such credence on their ridiculous opinions? What was your childhood like where you think this is ok. I would suggest no dating at all for the moment and get yourself some counselling pronto to work out why you tolerate such nonsense. Stop looking for others to validate you. You really need to find it within yourself first before you date again.

noego Mon 10-Apr-17 08:58:09

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful than a woman being unapologetically herself; Comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of pure beauty. Steve Maraboli.

sillywoman12 Mon 10-Apr-17 09:05:51

My childhood was fine had a more than decent upbringing. I've let him physical abuse between me and another girl 4 financial or emotional support and now this. I do need counselling as something is up that I can think this is okay. It's just he wasn't like this in the first few years and I'm holding onto that person but he's long gone

HeavenlyEyes Mon 10-Apr-17 09:33:31

you need the Freedom Programme too btw

MangosAndPapayas Mon 10-Apr-17 12:11:36

I've let him physical abuse between me and another girl 4 financial or emotional support and now this.

Well this puts in context. I don't want to be harsh but really why do you say "and now this" as if it's a surprise?

Someone who has been treating you so horrifically, isn't really going to break up with you and say "darling it's me not you, you are perfect" are they? He has been abusing you in all senses. That sort of nasty commenting is exactly what you should expect from a shit like that.

Just walk away and be glad he's out of your life.

As for the "not phyically attracted" thing, it sounds like this is a trigger point for you more than usual because someone else said it to you before, but really you need to focus on how you feel about yourself.

Think about it - do you find all men physicallly attractive? No of course you don't. It's a personal thing. Sometimes it can be physical (big changes - weight loss or gain, hair loss in men even a woman dying her hair to a different colour ) can mean that attraction can come and go. No one in the universe is physically attractive to all members of the opposite sex. No one. For every hot Hollywood bombshell, there will be a man who can only get turned on by a curvy woman, a black woman, a white woman, a blonde, a brunette etc.

So the only thing that really matters is how you feel about yourself.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 10-Apr-17 12:38:51

How is he still able to contact you?
Block, delete and ignore.

I agree with a PP.
After years of abuse you need to do the Freedom Programme.
Call Womens Aid and get some support and enrol on the course.

sillywoman12 Mon 10-Apr-17 19:04:28

It's not that as such it's just how can someone give you the world for so many years and make you feel love for then say they're not attracted and your just made me feel like I let myself go over time when I did loose weight because of stress that's made me look the way I am. I will look into freedom program 😢

Isetan Tue 11-Apr-17 09:15:20

Who knows why he behaved the way he did but him being unkind as a parting shot was a shitty thing to do and says more about him then it will ever say about you.

You stayed too long in a dysfunctional relationship because being in a relationship, was more important than the quality of the relationship. Stop asking 'why was he a shit?'and starting asking 'why you put up with his shit'? The good news is you can uncover the answer to the latter.

Go NC and do not reply to his attempts to disrespect you further.

In answer to your question "what's wrong with me?", low self esteem and worryingly low self worth. Do yourself a massive favour and start working on improving these, a far more rewarding use of your energies than obsessing over your twat of an ex.

pallasathena Tue 11-Apr-17 09:29:47

He wanted to hurt you. He knew how to hurt you deeply and sadly, he succeeded. In his twisted mind, that makes him the 'winner'. Its what certain men do.
My ex husband's final parting shot to me was 'I never loved you', as I stood there with his baby in my arms.
He was a twat and your ex is a twat and don't you ever, ever, ever let them win by destroying your self esteem. That's what they expect. That's why they do it. Power, control, feeling superior. They're pricks basically.
You are worth far more than that my lovely.

ptumbi Tue 11-Apr-17 09:38:34

I read it again and again and again on here 'why does he do that', 'why does he say these things', 'why has he done this and now that'?
The real question is, why do you care? Why does it matter why he's done/said it? Who knows? Not even him, probably. Why care?

Because you are a decent human being, and a decent human would not do/say these things - that's why they are so incomprehensible to you.

You need to find a way not to care. Let him go and do his hurtful things to someone else - that is in fact part of the attraction for him; someone he can hurt, someone he can be 'big' over, someone to control by being like this.

Become uncaring of his digs, and his fun stops. The old adage 'the best revenge is a life well lived' is quite true - a life you can call your own is no fun for him.

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