I've been online dating a while and recently met someone I think is a really good fit for me. I didn't fancy him that much initially but he's clever and funny and I'm finding that really attractive. Now he's realised how infrequently DD's dad has her, however I think he's thinking it will be a drag being with someone with no freedom (it's a drag being a person with no freedom) I have friends and babysitters but can't ever be spontaneous. Makes me think it's just not going to happen. Rest of my life is going ok, but the lone parent grind does get me down.
I gave up for the same reason. I felt it wasn't fair on someone to have to 100% fit around me and my commitments with no flexibility at all. Maybe someone with children themselves would be a better bet?
My son always came first, anyone who didn't get that was out of my life pretty soon. My life has been pretty up and down but the constant factor now my son is an adult is that he and I are so very close and he is always there for me and the other way round and I wouldn't have that now if I hadn't always put him first. It was well worth not having a serious relationship until he left home even though it was sometimes lonely.
He has 3 children whom he sees frequently. We haven't had sex yet but he commented that it would always be rushed (this wasn't an inappropriate conversation we were discussing it like adults). He texted the other night that he thought it was unfair how little X had DD. I replied that I have lots of friends who help me but he said he thought it was tough on me.
Ooo that seems a bit off. Why don't you ask him? You're making assumptions that might be wrong. I'm a woman whose OH has his children half the week. We're not at the stage of me meeting them yet so half the week he's not around. This is suiting us absolutely fine. It's my time to do what I want. I've never dated anyone with DC before and don't have any myself but it certainly doesn't put me off. We just make plans around that and it's fine. Being a bit less spontaneous just means you enjoy the time you do spend together all the more.
I would find those comments pretty offensive. I assume your child sleeps so why would sex always be rushed? Does sound like you've picked up on this vibe and judging by his comments you might be right. Or maybe he genuinely thinks it's unfair you have an unfair share of raising your child - but doesn't excuse the sex comment. If he's making comments now insinuating your child is getting in the way or could be I'd be telling him thanks but not thanks. Unless he can understand child is no 1 then he can forget it
I stand by what I said about a man being allowed to choose to not date someone with children, but that doesn't sound like the case here.
He thinks your ex is not taking a fair share, which is true, because he himself is a father who takes on a less-unfair share.
He thinks that sex will be rushed, because he (presumably) only chooses to have sex when his children are elsewhere. He knows that you can 't be unavailable for long when you have a young child in the house and knows that you will always have half an ear open to check if she has woken up.
He sounds as if he does understand that your child comes first, and is not put off by you having a child.
You sound as if you are interpreting his words in the most negative light possible.
Trills I think your assessment is insightful- his example of the rushed sex was if I had a babysitter and we went out for dinner then we would have at most a couple of hours in his apartment (at a time when his children were not there). You're right that I'm interpreting this negatively - it is of course factually correct but given that his texting has slowed right down I'm suspecting he's having second thoughts. I also get that he has every right to do so.