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Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

(756 Posts)
InfoSec21 Sun 09-Apr-17 19:52:14

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.

InfoSec21 Sun 09-Apr-17 19:54:29

Hope everyone finds their way back in...

Bluegirl25 Sun 09-Apr-17 20:13:54

Thanks Info x

Bant Sun 09-Apr-17 20:20:55

The OCD part of me feels like I shouldn't be posting in here until the previous one is full

Lovemusic33 Sun 09-Apr-17 20:23:53

Thanks info

Biddylee Sun 09-Apr-17 20:27:05

Bant I like the completist attitude to filling up the last thread. grin

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Sun 09-Apr-17 20:27:12

Thanks info grin

Bant Sun 09-Apr-17 20:32:53

Sometimes I'm like Sheldon

InfoSec21 Sun 09-Apr-17 20:33:02

Got a question on messaging someone that you have messaged before. So, let's say you messaged someone a while back and they didn't reply. It's been a while since and you fancy a second try. Would anyone mention that they've messaged before?

I thought about this and have 2 reasons for and 1 against.

For
1. If you don't mention it and they know that you've
messaged before, it makes you look like you have zero memory.
2. It shows you remembered them.

Against
1. It tells them that they've rejected you before already.

Bant Sun 09-Apr-17 20:40:58

I read somewhere that some women will be quite happy to reply to a second approach, because it shows you're not just spamming people with messages, because often they just delete lots without reading them. And also because they may have not responded to you the first time because they were already chatting to someone else, and no one has time to go back through all the ones they ignored for the last few weeks.

Worst case scenario, she ignores you again, don't do a third one, that's weird. A second one is fine I think

Biddylee Sun 09-Apr-17 20:43:16

Info I wouldn't message someone again.

InfoSec21 Sun 09-Apr-17 20:47:17

But do you mention that you know you tried before Bant?

heartbroken40 Sun 09-Apr-17 20:49:53

Hi all, me again and sorry for all my questions (only started old last week) So, on Friday we had agreed to talk on the phone today (no time). Then no text yesterday and no call so far.

I felt there was a connection, but is it possible that he just disappeared? We had moved to whatsapp and I had already deleted my tinder profile (talk about putting cart before horses...)

I don't want to message him, he said he liked the chase but maybe he is bored with me. I also wanted to tell him I lied about my age (he knows he just doesn't know how old I really am).

What do I do?

Bant Sun 09-Apr-17 20:53:37

Yes info - but mention it in a 'sorry for sending a second message, but I thought I'd be a tiny but persistent cos I really liked what you said about.., ' type of way

pringlecat Sun 09-Apr-17 20:55:22

InfoSec21 Some people I don't reply to because they're dull or crazy. Some people I don't reply to despite the well-crafted response because I''m hoping something will happen with someone else. Timing is everything.

A second approach later down the line will either 1) still get ignored if you're one of the dull or crazy ones or 2) get a reply if I'm open to meeting new people again. Whether or not you remind me you've messaged me before won't change the outcome - you were either in the loony pile or timing was the problem and the timing has resolved itself.

InfoSec21 Sun 09-Apr-17 21:04:20

Makes a lot of sense, thanks Pringle!! smile

Bant Sun 09-Apr-17 21:08:47

heartbroken - well if he said he liked the chase, that's a big red flag right there..

Can I just ask, why are you dating when your profile name is 'heartbroken' - is that not a sign that maybe you're not ready? It's hard out there..

heartbroken40 Sun 09-Apr-17 21:15:06

Well, I thought I had found the one, but he treated me really badly (he basically just wanted sex). I have been obsessed with the other guy for so long that I thought I would get distracted with OLD. Instead, my self confidence is now even more shot.

What to do? I really thought there was a connection, he even said he wanted to meet me and then he disappears?

I guess I need to grow a thick skin (I don't really have one at the moment).

heartbroken40 Sun 09-Apr-17 21:17:08

Why is the fact he said he likes the chase a red flag? I am old (40) but quite naive when it comes to dating

pringlecat Sun 09-Apr-17 21:23:34

heartbroken40 Because the chase doesn't last forever. Once he's won, he needs to find another woman to get his kicks.

Biddylee Sun 09-Apr-17 21:25:04

Heartbroken It's remembering not to over invest in someone in the early stages of dating (something I've learned just recently sad).

You also need to meet someone first in the flesh before you think you have a connection. That was the first lesson I learned when I did OLD many years ago - I had lots of phone contact with a guy but then when I met him, he looked nothing like his pic and he was full of rules (really not my type).

MrsRolandRat Sun 09-Apr-17 21:32:25

Heartbroken I know it's hard when you feel a connection with someone but you really need to not over invest at this point.

And someone who says they like the chase I would personally ditch straight away as it's a huge big red flag, they are basically telling you they are only in it until they've caught you then they'll most likely move onto pastures new. Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh.

Get yourself back on tinder and start cultivating some new irons if only for distraction purposes!

heartbroken40 Sun 09-Apr-17 21:33:25

Thanks all for your help. I really would like to find someone to spend my life with but it is tough. I guess I can have a little cry today and then start tomorrow.

Is tinder the best place to find someone for a serious relationship? Or are there other apps you would recommend?

Thanks

MrsRolandRat Sun 09-Apr-17 21:37:57

Heartbroken for me I personally like tinder, I'm on pof but I just get lots of messages off people I don't find remotely attractive. Although I've met a few lovely guys from pof.

In my area (north west) apps like bumble, happn etc don't quite get the traffic of somewhere like London.

I met someone lovely from tinder, but that spark just wasn't there for me. I had a 5 month relationship with him, and he genuinely wanted to meet someone to settle down with. It's not all about hook ups as people say it is. I disagree, but the more you internet date you are quickly able to weed out the players who are after one thing and the ones who want a relationship/dating to see where it goes.

heartbroken40 Sun 09-Apr-17 21:40:24

Thanks MsRoland, I will try pof but I also like tinder. I spoke to some other guys in previous days they also sounded nice but I didn't feel the spark I felt with this one. I understand now he must be a player. I always fall for one, hoping that they would change but they don't.

Thanks again

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