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How do I let someone down gently?

(3 Posts)
Randomflubber Sun 09-Apr-17 11:42:11

Arghh, I've been asked out on a semi-date hmm and now I'm thinking I wish I hadn't accepted. I don't have those feelings for him. It was never (in my mind) meant to lead to dating. We met through having the same strong professional interests & I made the first move asking if he'd like to meet for coffee/chat as I was fascinated by his work - we work in similar areas of research. We have mutual 'colleagues' in common & our paths may cross again and again in the future. Well that first chat lead to dinner which was okay but I politely kept my boundaries when an intimate moment presented itself. Officially, nothing has happened but there's definately this undercurrent now of dating and I feel uncomfortable. He's too old for me & I'm not interested in him that way. In fact he's not the person I thought he was at all. He's only ever been polite though and there's been no funny business but there have been a couple of hugs. How do I gently break this without any awkwardnes? I've kind of fallen in to something like dating & that was never my intention. Our paths are likely to cross again and again in the future through work. Neither of us has actually mentioned a date so it feels uncomfortable saying 'I don't want to date you' when officially, it was never that to start with! Help me! I just want to be nice to the guy without either of us losing face.

For the record, we are both single.

Optimist1 Sun 09-Apr-17 12:06:01

Go on the date you've accepted, keep acting as though it's a work-related thing and make reference to how busy you're going to be for the coming months. At the end of the date tell him you've enjoyed yourself and will contact him again when all the stuff that's keeping you busy has subsided. You might want to put a note in your diary for 3 months' time to remind yourself to arrange a coffee with him, or not!

FlyAwayPeter Sun 09-Apr-17 13:55:25

Keep your conversation business-like - take a folder with stuff and take notes if you must. Play completely straight as if it is a catch up with a friend.

It's really easy to do. I do it all the time even with people I fancy reasons for being single, #456

Actually, I've just had a brilliant idea! I'm going to set up an undating agency. I'd be very very good at ensuring people who could date, but don't want to , or shouldn't, don't.

Thank you, OP I think I've found my niche in the world grin

It'll be fine. But do be kind and gentle. He's got feelings.

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