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Putting the spark back into a marriage

(5 Posts)
IndiaGrace Sat 08-Apr-17 22:20:04

NC for this, I'd be mortified if someone recognised me blush

Ok. I'm pregnant with DC2 (25 weeks). DD is 2. She's fab, but hard work, usual toddler stuff. DH and I both work (I'm part time, DH is full time). We have busy lives.

DH and I have a happy marriage, i think. I love the bones of him. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way, but you know, life gets in the way a little at this stage. We are tired and stressed. Once DD goes to bed, it's housework and bed, where we read and don't really talk much. Companiable, but our sex life hasn't been great recently. We have definitely come through that horrible stage of hating each other (not really but you know what I mean) when you have a little one, and things are good. But the spark is gone, I really want to try and get it back. I still fancy him so much. Sometimes it's just hard to find the time/energy.

He's been away for a week. Gets back tomorrow. Longest we've been apart since we were married. I miss him a lot more than I expected. Finding myself checking my phone obsessively to see if he's texted, thinking about him a lot...just like when we first got together. Which is nice, we were absolutely mad about each other at the start.

I think he has missed me. He has said several times that he doe and how much he wants to come home. I haven't told him how much I've missed him or the stuff I said above, anything sappy like that, so I don't know if he feels that way too. I did try last night to send him a bit of a dirty text but he didn't really engage (it was tame, maybe he didn't get it, he was on a night out anyway).

I guess I just want to put the spark back in. It's so hard to be sexy when you're pregnant and tired and I can't imagine why he'd fancy me right now. It's all so....cumbersome. I thought about buying a nice little nightie or something for him coming home tomorrow but he won't be back till around midnight and I know he'll be tired and I have a feeling he might be a bit "not tonight" about it and my confidence will plummet and I'll feel upset (I wouldn't tell him that though, I wouldn't want him to feel like he was obliged or anything).

Sorry this is a bit of a vent. I guess I'm just looking for a chat. Maybe some tips about how to put the spark back in? I couldn't talk to anyone in real life about this.

Gingerbreadmam Sat 08-Apr-17 22:36:59

can you get a few hours sleep in before he comes home then get your nighty on and let the fun commence?

it's lovely that you have those first feelings back, you are doing good.

Other than that, if babysitters allow, i.would just say the occasional date night where you can really focus on being partners and not just parents.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 09-Apr-17 00:21:39

I think the most powerful thing you could do is to tell him all of the things you shared with us. Maybe even let him read your post. Married life gets really hard when you have small children and are pregnant at the same time (I know from experience), but this time WILL pass and life will get much easier. Lay down with him and tell him how much you fancy him and how you worry your pregnancy might be getting in the way of intimacy. Now is the time to really communicate before things take a negative turn. You can do it!

PastoralCare Tue 11-Apr-17 08:09:29

Completely agree with Aquamarine1029.

If you don't and try to outguess how he feels all the time and he does the same you may end up wondering if you ever find one another attractive.

AlessandroVasectomi Tue 11-Apr-17 08:51:05

I was touched by your post as somebody who's been through what you describe. It is hard work at your stage and life does get in the way and nice warm feelings you may have inside don't always find their way out. We're at the other end of the process, 4 DCs all grown up and flown the nest and - guess what - it's just like when we were first married again! There is an extra dimension to our family - well 4 extra dimensions to be precise - but we now have more time for each other and the love and friendship are still there. Marriage goes through stages, so accept the changes and work through them together. You do get to a better place and we can look back now and feel that it has been worth it. Wouldn't it be boring if every day of your marriage was perfect and exactly the same as the day before?

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