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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DH swore at toddler

31 replies

snapyap · 08/04/2017 22:04

Possibly being daft/overreacting.

About 30 mins ago me DH and DS were all in the bathroom, when I remember that i left washing out on the line. I'm bathed and in pjs and DS who isn't quite 2 was in the bath. I asked DH to fetch it in as he's the only one still dressed. He got very annoyed and said leave it out, I said, please bring it in it'll be fine and only take a minute. Then he brought DS out of the bath to dry. DS was fussing a bit crying for one of his toys oh the side and DH said 'STOP IT YOU KNOB!' to him. I said, don't talk to him like that. He said he was frustrated at me and taking it out on DS.

I'm really pissed off. Should I be?

OP posts:

Report

RiceCrispieTreats · 08/04/2017 22:06

Yes.

GuinessPunch · 08/04/2017 22:07

Yes of course.

Naicehamshop · 08/04/2017 22:07

Horrible.

RiceCrispieTreats · 08/04/2017 22:09

He's name-calling.

He's name-calling a child.

He's making you responsible for his own actions.

marmitecrumpets · 08/04/2017 22:09

Yes. That's awful :(

Mrsknackered · 08/04/2017 22:09

I was coming on to say that sometimes people say things when they're angry or out of shock - for example, I was playing with DS (4yo) last week and he bit me out of the blue and I swore! Not my proudest moment and I felt really bad after and explained was a terrible thing for me to say.
Calling a 2yo a knob? 2yo would be sleeping in my bed tonight and DP can sleep on the sofa

snapyap · 08/04/2017 22:11

I don't have a clue what to do now. He's gone and got in the washing and I don't know what to say when he comes up to bed.

OP posts:

newdaylight · 08/04/2017 22:12

Yes you're right
Maybe raise it with him when you're both calm in the coming days and hopefully he'll take responsibility and be able to think about hour he could stop himself acting like this in future.

Have you been upset at how he is with ds before?

HeddaGarbled · 08/04/2017 22:12

Why on earth was he annoyed and frustrated with you because you asked him to do a perfectly reasonable task for a perfectly reasonable reason? I expect some of his clothes were on that line. Does he think he's too special to handle laundry? He's the knob.

snapyap · 08/04/2017 22:16

We had been having a rough patch time arguments and things recently, two weeks ago we 'spoke' about it, had a bit of a row and a blame-fest and a cry and then we haven't really argued since. This has made me feel awful, he's got the washing in though and folding it. Poor DS just wanted his toy

OP posts:

Patriciathestripper1 · 08/04/2017 22:16

You should know by now men can only do 1 thing at once!
Not an excuse for the way he spoke to Ds for that he is an arse.

WanderingTrolley1 · 08/04/2017 22:18

Yes.

snapyap · 08/04/2017 22:19

What would YOU all say if this was your DH and your child

OP posts:

RiceCrispieTreats · 08/04/2017 22:31

"I'm not ok with name-calling. Don't do it."

(and when he tries to lay the blame on you:

"Don't blame me for your own actions. You called DS names. That's not ok. Don't do it."

gillybeanz · 08/04/2017 22:32

I think if it were my dh I'd send him on a course for anger management and a parenting course.
He isn't fit for parenting unless he addresses his moods.
Do you just drift after having an argument or do you resolve your problems and differences?
Also, what do you want to say to him?
He really does sound moody and taking it out on a child is unacceptable, I'd start here tbh.

Truckingalong · 08/04/2017 22:35

Is this the first time and out of character for him?

Joysmum · 08/04/2017 23:23

I swore at mine once, I think many would never to claim to be perfect and have been pushed to our limits very occasionally. I'm not saying it's right, just that it happens and that doesn't mean it's a normal reaction.

Question is, is this a one off or a pattern of behaviour?

HeddaGarbled · 08/04/2017 23:30

He's got the laundry in and is doing it properly so he knows he's been a dick.

snapyap · 09/04/2017 07:32

Not a one off.

OP posts:

Naicehamshop · 09/04/2017 08:10

Would he consider a parenting course?

snapcrap · 09/04/2017 08:11

We've both called our kids names on occasion - yes terrible parenting and we both felt shit afterwards. But we are human and are generally, I believe, good, loving parents and good role models. Only YOU know if this behaviour is/was worrying and whether you feel he is a good parent and a good role model. We can't really tell you. What does your gut say?

tigermoll · 09/04/2017 09:53

So to get this straight:

You, your DH and you DS were all together, bathing your DS and (presumably) having a nice time. You suddenly remember that the washing is on the line, and ask your DH to go and get it. You are in your PJs and could not possibly get it yourself, nor could it stay on the line even ten minutes longer so that bath time could be finished. It most certainly could not stay out overnight.

I'm not saying its OK for him to call his son a knob. But if I was suddenly issued orders to do one job in the middle of doing another, I might be a bit pissed off. With YOU. Not your son.

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Joysmum · 09/04/2017 09:57

Ok so this isn't a one off and that puts a very different complexion on it. You need to act.

Does he acknowledge he was wrong? Are you scared of him? Do you modify your behaviour to avoid provoking him?

Emboo19 · 09/04/2017 10:15

Don't think you're overacting at all, I'd be livid!
I've not even got a issue with swearing in general, my dad swears a lot always has...he's never sworn at me though or called me names.

I think calling a child that is disgusting and then saying it's because he was frustrated with you, I think is him trying to blame you for his behaviour.

I'd definitely be sitting him down to discuss this when you are both calm, tell him it's in no way acceptable and ask what he's going to do to stop it happening again. Some things I'd have him think about, how will he deal with dc having tantrums? How will he deal when he's older and he's talking back, being rude? His default when he's annoyed can't be to call his son names!

His adult response could have been, I'll get the washing after bath time or ok you take over here and I'll get it now. No, reason at all to get annoyed with his child over a simple request, to bring the washing in.

Olddear · 09/04/2017 11:45

How is asking him to bring in the washing 'issuing orders!!' Surely, it's just remembering you have the washing out and asking someone to bring it in for you? A simple request I would have thought!

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