Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Boyfriend is Selfish!!(17 Posts)
Hi everyone. I need some advice as to whether or not I'm just being a hormonal nutter! My boyfriend comes across as very selfish, e.g. Friday night he told me he was going to see me then ended up round his brothers new flat for some beers and went out for dinner with him then drove home, leaving me just sat on my own. Today he has been out all day watching a football game, I picked him up from the station and he wanted to go to his friends birthday party (which by the way he's said all week he's not bothered about going to) I said I wasn't up to it (it was 8pm, I was in my comfies, no makeup and currently 18 weeks pregnant) and he's thrown a strop and won't talk to me. I'm so frustrated with how selfish he's being! I do everything and more for him and feel like hes getting the hump with me over silly things. He's good 90% of the time but he can be so selfish sometimes. Do I have the right to be feeling upset tonight that he's reacted this way with me? TIA x
Do you have some friends you can invite to come and see when your boyfriend decided to.go out? Or even a friend you can visit wearing your pyjamas, perhaps take a big bar of chocolate to share?!
I do empathise as I felt smilatly during pregnancy, my life became predictable, I just wanted cosy nights in whilst my partner continued as normal with his social life.
A lot of men won't get it until the baby arrives when their lives really do have to change and some, they just never get it.
Try not to rely on him too much for company if he'd letting you down a lot, reach out to frI ends and family more. Expectation often results in disappointment, even when your are right to expect.
Hi Simion, it doesn't help that all of his friends go absolutely crazy when they drink! Out until 5 in the morning, smashed, don't remember a thing etc. So I know I'll go along and have to be surrounded by a load of drunk idiots when I can't drink! They used to annoy me before let alone now I have really good friends and love spending time with my mum as well so I have back ups I'm just frustrated with the way he's reacting as it comes across like he doesn't want a night in with me, he'd rather go out and get tw**ted x
He doesn't want a night in with you.
He'd rather go out and get twatted.
This is who he is.
Is it who you want to be with?
He sounds awful, and not really like someone who is ready to be a father. Maybe you need to give this relationship a lot of serious thought.
If you keep lavishing attention on him he'll keep treating you like shit!
Eg why on earth did you pick him up from the station today after he completely shat on you last night?
If anyone should be lavishing attention on anyone, he should be lavishing attention on pg you.
Quit treating him like a prince. He's more like a hog.
Cosy up sweetie and look after your sweet self. You need this like a hole in the head, especially now you're pg. Xx
It's a shame because I definitely do treat him like a prince because he does genuinely make me so happy most of the time and he is a good boyfriend. Just selfish come the weekend. He's 28 I just wish he'd grow up a bit!
Is he annoyed about the party because he'd expected you to be his chauffeur yet again?
How handy for him to have a girlfriend who is unable to drink for several months.
I don't mean to come over as judgemental, but why would you have a child with someone who behaves this way.
Has he only just showed this side of himself?
You don't need to answer any unhelpful, self-esteem smashing questions about why you chose to be with him/why you're having a baby with him/what he was like before.
The best thing would be to make the best of the situation you're in now, you can't change anything, you've made your choices , we can't turn back time. MNers often forget this fact, because it make them feel superior to question your life choices as they sit beind screens making judgements.
I would not be tagging along on any more nights out with him, by doing so, you're condoning it. If he then chooses to not spend time with you, you're getting your answers about your relationship. Reach out to your mum and friends at the weekends, build up some support. You may need it xx
Sounds like you're a nurturing sort - which is great, who you are. But you have to look at when people just take. You have to pull back when that's happening.
It also sounds like he's fully indulging his freedom before baby comes along? Or let's hope anyway, he has no intention of carrying on with the weekend indulgence once baby is here..
Was the baby planned? You don't have to answer, cheeky of me to ask. If not it could be why he is taking a while to adjust to fatherhood.
But do pull back on facilitating his splurges. You're not his mum and don't have to be running around for him - unless it's reciprocal and you both run around for one another. But I'd still say don't facilitate his current weekends. As simion says, spend time with nurturing, caring family/friends (if they are...). If they're not then nurture and pamper yourself xx
Don't be pressured into going with him. Your health and that of your baby comes first. Just say sweetly that you can't possibly go out, pregnancy just makes you so tired and that you need to put your health first. Say that you know he will understand and leave it at that - if he decides to go - let him- do not get into an argument, to and fro.
Plan ahead get in/ bookmark great box sets - pamper yourself and enjoy the time alone. Show you are strong and self sufficient.
So he's lovely during the week, but at the weekend (when there are other, in his mind, more fun options) he's selfish? I suspect he's mostly selfish because he's only lovely when it suits him. I thought my ex was lovely until we had a child. Actions speak much louder than words. Don't make someone a priority when you're only an option to them. All these old cliches are true, I'm afraid. Obviously he could get a grip, grow up and become the perfect partner! Alternatively this could be all he is; selfish.
Hi simion, springy and rattata - your comments all really helped this morning so thank you for that. Nope, baby was not planned but both very happy even so. We had very easy life's before I fell pregnant, we went on holiday 4 times a year, spent our weekends spending silly money on drinking and dinners with our friends so it is a very big culture shock but one that is very much welcomed (we have wanted to be parents for ages, been together 3 years). You're right I am going to take a step back and not do what he wants me to do all the time as I know that right now my baby probably needs me to make the right decision more than him, I just try and keep everyone happy. Thank you for your help xx
And stop treating him like a Prince, when he isn't treating you like a Princess.
There's a danger of putting your all into a relationship and the other person taking it for granted.
Perhaps having a discussion as the pregnancy progresses about the roles as far as parenting would be helpful.
Never just assume he'll step up when the baby arrives, especially given how he's behaving at the moment.
Make sure he does his fair share of parenting and that you get rest, otherwise you'll likely become resentful of the fact, that not much has changed for him and your life is a whole lot different than it was.
The impact of becoming a parent, is always greater on the mother, but with an unhelpful and selfish partner, it's enough to drive you round the twist.
so it is a very big culture shock but one that is very much welcomed (we have wanted to be parents for ages, been together 3 years).
Which you have accepted and reacted to. Him not so much.
I hope for your sake he grows up a lot before your baby arrives.
And these two statements and he is a good boyfriend. Just selfish come the weekend don't match.
Join the discussion
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.