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I found something ...

(47 Posts)
crappygirlfriend Sat 08-Apr-17 15:44:28

should I end it? I checked my dp's dating site and he has taken his photos down but updated it saying he has a child (that's only true of the last year and we have been together 5). He hasn't been on for years but he's been acting odd so I did a little research and this has happened over the last week. I wanted to confront him but because there are no photos yet he could deny it's his profile yet I know it's his. Should I wait and see if he posts any recent photos or talk to him with the evidence I have already?

I had a brief argument after my discovery about something none related and blurted out (as he was shouting at me when I was trying to confide in him and fix the issue) that he doesn't love me. He's now not speaking to me saying I've upset him and maybe it's that I don't love him. When he said that it didn't offend me because I know it's bollocks as I dote on the man.

Would you wait for the photos? Was I a bitch to say I didn't think he loves me and his anger is justified? Sorry for the rambling, being emotional and upset does not help the writing or explaining!

crappygirlfriend Sat 08-Apr-17 16:13:15


Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 08-Apr-17 16:17:11

Wait for concrete evidence or sounds like he would talk his way out of it -

Puddington Sat 08-Apr-17 16:18:30

Sorry this probably won't be helpful, but it's difficult to say based on just that. I don't think that anybody should really be updating their dating profiles while they're in a relationship, but it seems an odd move for him to take photos down and replace that with the info that he has a child -- just doesn't seem like the way most people would go about attempting to cheat.

That said, when you say he's been acting odd/you've been having other arguments, can you expand on what they've been about?

BonnyScotland Sat 08-Apr-17 16:18:43

I would certainly hang fire until you know exactly what the situation is.. yes definitely wait for updates or photos etc....

he sounds conflicted... clearly he's been back on the Site... for what reason is anyone's guess...

wait and watch ... then you can react with a clearer picture x

TheElephantofSurprise Sat 08-Apr-17 16:20:50

He said he doesn't love you.
That's pretty final.
Move on.

Puddington Sat 08-Apr-17 16:22:12

Elephant, I read it as saying that the OP accused her DP of not loving her, not that he said it himself? (I could be wrong!)

happypoobum Sat 08-Apr-17 16:22:16

Well if you know it's his profile I would get your ducks in a row ready to split to be honest. flowers

kingscrossnoodle Sat 08-Apr-17 16:24:39

Why does your DP have a dating site?

BonnyScotland Sat 08-Apr-17 16:26:47

sounds like an old dating profile gathering dust.. but occasionally accessed x

crappygirlfriend Sat 08-Apr-17 16:31:00

Thank you everyone. It's such a relief for feedback as my instinct initially was to confront him but the old inner voice said wait for the photos. I suspect he'll be updating them at some point as the originals are 5+ years old.

Bonny I hadn't even considered that he might be conflicted. Thank you for that perspective too. The arguments were that I suspected he didn't like me because he's been speaking to me like crap, does not want to spend time with me and our child, he goes to the gym 5 nights a week and I am literally left holding the baby. He says I ask too many questions and anything I say generally seems to be wrong so I stopped speaking as much.

Elephant - he didn't say he does not love me. I suggested he didn't love me and his reaction was to say maybe I don't love him. I love him very much.

crappygirlfriend Sat 08-Apr-17 16:31:47

Kings- yeah he never closed any of his dating profiles, just deleted the apps from his phone.

crappygirlfriend Sat 08-Apr-17 16:33:13

Happy - I must admit I am trying to change my mind set and start planning for the worst.

Gallavich Sat 08-Apr-17 16:33:52

He's updated his profile so he's clearly considering looking again. Screen shot everything but keep quiet and watch.

TheElephantofSurprise Sat 08-Apr-17 16:36:58

Puddington - I have been known to be wrong. My apologies for that. wink

crappygirlfriend Sat 08-Apr-17 16:40:04

Gallavich - thank you, I'll try and do that.

Elephant - I'm sorry, I was just trying to clarify. I appreciate the feedback.

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 08-Apr-17 16:42:48

Parenting changes relationships dramatically. Hang on in there. It is odd that he updated his profile with this information. But you have no evidence at the moment. Do you do anything as a couple?

SunnyLikeThursday Sat 08-Apr-17 16:44:57

It seems to me that if you have to ask this question then there is something quite wrong going on there. flowers

BonnyScotland Sat 08-Apr-17 16:45:08

stay positive.. don't let his negative manner affect you or your child ... and bide your time x

crappygirlfriend Sat 08-Apr-17 16:56:16

Mummy - Thank you. We've been out once in over a year and he invited his friends to come along at the last minute without asking me. He refuses when I suggest we go out together.

Sunny - I agree.

Bonny - thank you smile I've been trying to play with the baby but been a bit upset and distracted, I don't really want him to pick up on it.

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 08-Apr-17 16:58:41

Mmmmm not a great sign. What reason does he give when he refuses?

crappygirlfriend Sat 08-Apr-17 17:11:13

Mummy -he says it's weird leaving our baby at home with a babysitter, that the baby isn't ready for that. I said that the baby would be obliviously because he'll be asleep.

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 08-Apr-17 17:14:14

Ok so it's not because he doesn't want to be with you. That's something positive. TBH I imagine lots of people feel that way. Dh and I were practically forced by the neighbour (who babysat) to go out for our wedding anniversary when dd was 13 months. I couldn't wait to get home.

BubblingUp Sat 08-Apr-17 17:21:34

I'm not sure the addition of updated photos on his dating profile takes it to any kind of next level. What he has done is bad enough. He is updating his OLD profile like it's his Facebook account. It's not a good sign. The 5 nights out to the gym, the not going out with you - it sounds like he has already broken up with you in his head. I wouldn't make any sudden movements - just quietly prepare for the break up and then when you are ready and if he hasn't made the move yet, you initiate it.

crappygirlfriend Sat 08-Apr-17 17:34:30

Mummy - yeah it could just be nerves about leaving the baby, I truly hope that's the case.

Bubbling - Thank you. I'll prepare as best as possible.

It's just weird because he has moments of being very loving and then he just becomes distant which then impels me to look at his dating profile. It's confusing and makes me not want to believe the worst.

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