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Breastfeeding / partner aversion has anyone had it this bad

(15 Posts)
Cheesemonsterz1983 Sat 08-Apr-17 08:03:56

I will keep the details of our situation as brief as possible incase someone knows me on here it would be quite obvious.

I have a 4mo baby, and am breastfeeding. I also have a 3yo son, who was formula fed so I have nothing to compare it to.

Since the age of 10/11 I've had a very very high sex drive , never did anything about it at that age obviously but the feelings were there. I'm now 28 and no matter what's gone on in my life, relationships, stress, upset, anxiety, pregnancy etc, it's never affected my sex drive at all.

Until the birth of DD. I feel like I've been castrated is all I can describe it as. Im not worried about the fact I don't want sex, it's the fact I can't stand ANY physical contact.

I don't want OH (who is a woman) to touch me, hug me, kiss me, hold my hand, brush against me, even look at me most of the time.

I'm starting to get really worried.

I find BF-ING hard as it is; I'm in pain every day still, my boobs are huge (for me, used to be a B - cup) and my body doesn't feel like my own, but I enjoy the bond with my baby and I feel proud of what I've gone through to keep feeding her, and I don't want to stop.

OH is now making comments that I don't find her attractive. I do; I think she is beautiful but I have zero sexual feeling at all.

I have fun with her when we spend time as a family, we laugh, I feel happy most days so I know I'm not depressed , but to go from such a high need for physical contact to this , I don't know what's going on.

When I see sex scenes on TV I just cringe now. And I tried watching "erotic" things the other night when I couldn't sleep as that always used to work too but again, it made me cringe and did nothing for re-awakening my feelings.

I'm not attracted to anybody else either, and sometimes it's got to the point i feel quite ok with being on my own with my kids and never having another relationship again, I don't feel like it would bother me (I've been going through scenarios in my head to try to work out why I feel like this) can it really be hormones?!

I tried to read online and it says "it's normal blah blah. Try and get your partner to give you a massage" "it's just sleep deprivation with a new baby" well it's not because she actually sleeps like a dream and I have loads of energy as I'm getting a good 7-8 hours a night with a feed Inbetween. And I don't want a massage because I don't want to be touched, anywhere.

I know I sound blunt but I need to be honest as I'm hoping someone else can tell me if it happened to them? I worry I don't love her any more or something? Like I said I enjoy her company. She has been quite caustic towards me lately due to personal circumstances and a few times I feel sad bexause of it.

Please help....

grobagsforever Sat 08-Apr-17 08:07:34

It is normal with BFing, had it both times with mine. It will come back as you reduce feeds. I couldn't hardly bear for late DH to hug me!

Cheesemonsterz1983 Sat 08-Apr-17 08:09:56

(sorry to read late DH) :,( did you worry you didn't love him?

ElspethFlashman Sat 08-Apr-17 08:10:28

Happens with BFing. I never shagged whilst BFing either. Couldn't bear the thought of it. Ugh.

One of the many many many reasons I was done by 6 months.

Aliveinwanderland Sat 08-Apr-17 08:12:21

I'm breastfeeding my 5 month old and have zero sex drive at all. Couldn't think of anything worse at the minute! It's the lack of oestrogen apparently.

Cheesemonsterz1983 Sat 08-Apr-17 08:17:04

Do you all feel the other bits too? Like the repulsion if they get near you? Sometimes I want to scream just leave me alone and get away from me . I'm just so worried I don't feel love anymore , I don't know what I feel

flumpybear Sat 08-Apr-17 08:20:12

Bf screwed with all my feelings but got better once I stopped
Also remember the more sex you get the more you want so I'm sure it'll pass Snd you'll be back to your old self

TheUnseenAcademic Sat 08-Apr-17 08:45:47

I think it's very common to have 0 sex drive while breastfeeding and to find yourself 'touched out'. I'm lucky that my partner has always been very understanding, though I've also tried to make an effort. The way you write about your partner being caustic and your worries about your relationship sound possibly like something different though.

ElspethFlashman Sat 08-Apr-17 09:02:19

Yes, it doesn't sound like she's being that nice at the moment.

Cynara Sat 08-Apr-17 09:11:04

I felt like that too, I couldn't bear to be touched and was worried that I didn't love DP any more. I think maybe it's something to do with the bond with your baby - sort of that my brain was getting me prepared so that if anything were to happen to DP I would cope for the baby's sake, iyswim?

As ds started to eat solids and I reduced feeds, the weird feelings stopped and I remembered how much I adore DP and our sex life got back to normal. Took about 8 months though iirc.

TimetohittheroadJack Sat 08-Apr-17 09:13:15

When I was breastfeeding and had a toddler I just felt touched out. After feeding all day plus toddler cuddles etc I just wanted to be left alone! The thought of someone else wanting to touch me felt like just another chore.

Cheesemonsterz1983 Sat 08-Apr-17 09:32:45

Thanks all. It's so confusing but is good to know others felt like that but yea it's the other things I'm not happy about too but she does have some sort of excuse.

I just can't imagine ever feeling like a sexual person again!! I'll just ride it out and see how we are in a few months then when baby has reduced her feeds a bit. :/

UtterBankers Sat 08-Apr-17 09:39:51

What Jack said - because you can't so no to little ones who need cuddles, feeding, just want to pat your arm saying Mummy repeatedly until they have your attention, drape themselves on you, sit on your knee etc etc, you've had enough and, I think, need to have a little bit of bodily autonomy in some area. And the hormones!

It does come back though, promise. But it must be hard for your OH when she's used to your high level of desire for her, so try to be kind to one another - and it's still early days for you both getting used to your new family.

dinobum Sat 08-Apr-17 09:47:36

Yes completely the same, no sex drive, almost repulsed by touch. Baby is now 22 months (still fed once a day) and it's only recently where I've got my sex drive (and periods) back, also feeling I can handle dh coming for hugs now whereas before I'd just want to push him away.

Tiredness doesn't help either

ElspethFlashman Sat 08-Apr-17 09:50:37

What excuse? She's not getting a shag so can talk to you like shit?

That's not an excuse. My DH had to wait months and it never affected his behaviour.

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