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Is he cheating on me

(8 Posts)
Deedoubleee Sat 08-Apr-17 00:55:11

Ive recently found lots of messages on my partners phone to girls and from girls.
Talking about swingers and sex etc and hes commenting on their pictures saying he wants to keep things secret and openly telling them he has a long term girlfriend.
Over a year ago i confronted him about messages on facebook and he deleted the rest of the messages before i got a chance to see them.
He claims he was just catching up with an old friend amd that i would read into it too much.
Im heartbroken.
We are engaged and have been since 2014.
We have 3 children.
Im not sure hes actually cheated on me for real but im pretty sure hes messaging strangers i just dont know.
I have no friends genuinely i dont i spend every weekday taking my children to school
Spending the day in the house with my youngest and then picking them up the time i have with my partner i so look forward to which is evenings and weekends.
I wont cope without him he is my best friend amd he has helped me through so much as well as taking on another child from a previous relationship before he had any of his own and he was only 18 himself at the time.

I have no1 to talk to and hes sat in bed asleep next to me right now and i feel like all i want to do os punch him in the face and ask him why.

I cant go to my family with rhis because they will haye him and i dont want to jeopardise any future relationship with our family's together
I just want to marry him for goodness sake and be with him till im old but maybe he doesnt think the same sad

TheElephantofSurprise Sat 08-Apr-17 00:58:42

Don't marry him. You'll just get more of this. You will cope without him, when you have to. The children will be your motivation, your comfort and your joy. Tell your family, get some support.

SamanthaBrique Sat 08-Apr-17 00:59:38

Sorry OP but it doesn't look promising, does it? And after all this you still want to marry this man? Why?? Raise your standards a bit, and perhaps see a counsellor re your low self-esteem. Men like this rarely change and you'll just be setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartbreak and disappointment.

pumpkinmoon1 Sat 08-Apr-17 01:05:59

Have you confronted him about the new messages you have found?

scoobydoo1971 Sat 08-Apr-17 01:23:49

Marry in haste, repent at leisure...if he behaves this way before you are married, the bad behaviour could escalate after he puts a ring on your finger and feels he has trapped you. Marriage solves nothing, and getting a divorce is a big mess after you have realised your mistake. Having no friends because you are busy with your children is not a big deal - you can get out there and make some when you have your youngest in school. This man puts your personal health at risk if he cheats, and having sexy chats with strangers is a bit weird anyway. You don't trust him so why would you set yourself up for a lifetime of paranoia and misery with a man like that?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 08-Apr-17 01:50:04

He probably does want to marry you. He also probably fully intends to keep it going with all the other girls while he is married to you. Best of both worlds.

A year ago you caught him carrying on in a way that most of us would have kicked him out for, but he knows you are OK with it. You might say you are not OK with it but your behaviour says otherwise.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sat 08-Apr-17 02:07:18

If you have a DD do not let her grow up thinking this is how decent men behave. And if you have DSs please raise them to be good people. Your DP has no respect for you and is, at best, as bad influence on your children. Modeling this for a DD can ruin her life so be careful.

If your family would hate him for cheating that suggests they are looking out for you. Get their help if you can when you leave him. Take your younger child to playgroup and make some friends.

Ditch the loser unless you're prepared to share him with random strangers. And if so, be prepared that he will eventually leave you for one of them. Of course he might come crawling back when she dumps him for cheating. Is this what you want?

BonnyScotland Sat 08-Apr-17 07:53:17

you WILL cope without him..... you were strong enough to question the messages .... and question your partners values .... you can do this Sweetheart .... x

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