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passive aggressive

(22 Posts)
cometseekers Fri 07-Apr-17 14:34:41

We have a mug with unt on the handle being the C, its not mine but belongs to DS so in with the other cups, I dont like it as think it vile to have on a mug I dont use it but son does which is fine as his and was a presenthmm things a bit tetchy with Dh of late long story. Dh has several times made me a drink this week in said vile mug. Plenty of other mugs to use. It feels very passive aggressive an I feel quite hurt by it. Am I being oversensitive? I did mention that there was other mugs to use last night but was no response which leads me to think it was done spitefully. angry

Toobloodytired Fri 07-Apr-17 14:36:59

Had he not realised, when you brought it up he'd have said "oh sorry! I didn't even notice the mug I used".

If I was trying to be childish, I'd have given my ex this mug allllll the time!
I'd even jumped at making him the cup of tea because I'm pathetic & immature like that.

PaterPower Fri 07-Apr-17 14:43:05

Pretty sure that'll be deliberate, particularly if he hasn't used it for you before. It's one of those where, should you challenge him on it, he can do a "what me?!" thing and pretend to be hurt you'd think it of him.

Can't you just bin it? Or buy a matching one for him?

cometseekers Fri 07-Apr-17 14:44:36


cometseekers Fri 07-Apr-17 14:45:58

Or just bin him and keep the mug as a fond memory.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 07-Apr-17 16:06:34

I'd get up every time and transfer the tea to a different mug.
Is this the only thing he does that's PA?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Fri 07-Apr-17 16:06:51

If one of my kids had a mug with cunt on it in my house ii'd smash it and pretend it was an accident. Why don't you just do that

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Fri 07-Apr-17 16:08:02

Funnily enough though , my ex dh always used to make me tea in a mug he knew I hated so yes it is very passive aggressive

mickyblueyes Fri 07-Apr-17 16:40:31

We have a similar mug in our office that has "TWAT" written on the bottom of it so that it's only visible when you tip it up to drink out of it, can't you get him one of them? smile

On a more serious note, it is passive aggressive what he's doing...he made a conscious decision to make you a drink in that particular mug. No doubt some form of gas lighting or will follow from him if you persist to show your offended by it.

Smurfy23 Fri 07-Apr-17 16:55:46

Id accidentally break said mug when doing the washing up or have it 'disappear' when no one is looking...

ImperialBlether Fri 07-Apr-17 16:58:07

I'm really shocked that your son has the mug in the first place, particularly as he knows it offends you.

Your partner sounds horrible. What are the other problems you've had?

BigGrannyPants Fri 07-Apr-17 17:48:32

I don't really think the mug is the problem here, I don't understand why partners, husbands, wives etc can treat each other that way. I realise that is reality for a lot of people. I am very lucky, my DH and I have never called each other names or made each other's tea in an unt mug. I just don't think anyone should accept that, self worth is important and no one should accept that kind of behaviour. Be very clear. Next time he offers you tea, tell him you don't want the unt mug and ask him if there's a particular reason he keeps giving it to you. There has to be mutual respect, the minute that starts slipping, it's a downward slope. I have friends who think it's acceptable to call each other names during an argument. It never is!

cometseekers Fri 07-Apr-17 21:01:58

Its not acceptable, I have protested my dislike, so we shall see what happens. Its not the first time he's been like this.

BigGrannyPants Sat 08-Apr-17 00:54:34

Good for you OP, I really hope he listens. Take care of yourself

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 08-Apr-17 01:37:56

Pretend you like it or just don't care. The passive aggressives hate that. Mwah ha ha. Make yourself a drink in that mug a few times this week.

Batghee Sat 08-Apr-17 01:45:48

i think you are being a little oversensitive which may be why he is doing it. Its not a very mature thing for him to do but really its just a cup. Neither of you are being particularly mature.
If i was your son id actually find it pretty funny watching you both make each other cups of tea in The Cunt Mug and both pretending you werent doing it on purpose.

If you want to take it up a notch my parents used to cough to disguise swearing at each other as they were leaving the room. My mum would cough 'cunt' or 'wanker' as she walked off from an argument.
They are still married and they still do this.
As far as i can tell they love each other thats just how they roll.

CrumpettyTree Sat 08-Apr-17 02:01:48

Could you hide the mug or write "<Dh name> is a ..." on it

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sat 08-Apr-17 02:16:34

I think you need this:

"DH please can you not put my tea in that mug anymore? I don't like it."

Words are very useful. You can even add, "unless of course you're not-so-subtly trying to tell me I'm a cunt?" Then laugh maniacally.

Problem solved.

cometseekers Sat 08-Apr-17 08:30:39

I think with every thing else going on in the world right now it is petty and not justified. I did think about getting a twatt mug but I am not now as that would make me no better than him. Thanks for replies nice to know I'm not being irrationally angry.

category12 Sat 08-Apr-17 09:17:28

Get rid of the mug. Your ds should respect your feelings. Perhaps passive aggressive dh has some responsibility for that lack of respect.

Why on earth does his liking of an allegedly 'humorous' mug outweigh his mother's distaste/disgust?

Fgs, so pissed off eith women always ending up having to go along with unfunny misogynistic 'jokes'.

Ha fucking ha. Smash in the bin.

Naicehamshop Sat 08-Apr-17 09:18:23

I honestly wouldn't have a mug like that in my house. Tell ds to keep it in his room or you will get rid of it.

Naicehamshop Sat 08-Apr-17 09:19:30

Exactly what category12 said.

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