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I've just done the most ridiculously stupid thing...

(171 Posts)
callmestupid Fri 07-Apr-17 14:02:47

My husband and I are separated and I've just text him to tell him I'm going on a date tomorrow and I would love nothing more than for him to give me a reason not to go. Of course he hasn't responded so now I feel like a monumental twat.

When is the ground going to open up?

hellsbellsmelons Fri 07-Apr-17 14:04:19

Oh dear.
Why would you do that?
How long have you been separated?

It's done now.
If you feel tempted to do anything similar again, come on here and have a rant instead.

toomuchtvandsocialmedia Fri 07-Apr-17 14:05:49

Well at least you know where you stand.

Go and enjoy your date.

callmestupid Fri 07-Apr-17 14:06:04

About 2 months. I did it because I still love him. There is no other reason.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 07-Apr-17 14:06:42

Who ended it

CakesAreBiscuitsToo Fri 07-Apr-17 14:07:30

Oooppps. It's ok. Chin up and when the stabby regret hits you just ignore it. Go on your date and have a nice time.

And what hells said - post on here before send the text next time.

LittlePurpleDot Fri 07-Apr-17 14:07:48

Bless you that's not stupid you've put yourself out there. If he doesn't feel the same you know where you stand at least and that's got to be better than being in limbo

Aussiebean Fri 07-Apr-17 15:20:55

Actually I think I was a good move to see how he feels.

You have given him the chance to reconcile but by telling him you have a date you have made it clear you aren't desperate and this is his only chance as you aren't hanging around.

You didn't go begging, crying or pleading. You asked the question but showed you weren't desperate for his answer.

callmestupid Fri 07-Apr-17 15:45:47

I've had a response:

I don't know what to say, nothing I start to say seems right

Which basically tells me nothing.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 07-Apr-17 15:56:48

Hmm, so it is a non-answer which says/implies he isn't going to stop your dating. He could have plainly said "don't go". Or he could have plainly said "it has nothing to do with me". But a wishy-washy response, imho, is a mind game and that is just stinky bait: leave it.

Move forward. Perhaps leave the past in the past (even if it was only 2 months ago).

callmestupid Fri 07-Apr-17 15:57:40

And he's just sent a couple of photos of our son while he's looking after him. I guess that's the end of that conversation then. Why is he so bloody cryptic? Just say "go ahead with your date" or "I don't like the thought of you going on a date"

noego Fri 07-Apr-17 16:00:14

You are living in dreamland OP. Once its over, its over. You could be in hospital and he wouldn't visit. If he has gone then he has gone. Enjoy your date and move on. I know its hard, but its reality.

Sample1936 Fri 07-Apr-17 16:02:32

I dont think he wants back tbh.

Dontwaketheneighbours Fri 07-Apr-17 16:02:58

What a cop-out response OP. It wasn't stupid to text him, just human. At least you can go on your date tomorrow knowing that it's over with your exH. Try and enjoy your date tomorrow - who know where it will lead flowers

Dontwaketheneighbours Fri 07-Apr-17 16:04:03

* A cop out response from him - I should have been clearer

Sample1936 Fri 07-Apr-17 16:06:53

I think the pictures are to guilt you not to think about other men but raising your son. The ex doesnt truly want you back but out of selfishness, ego and fear of exterior men influencing or affecting your child he is keeping it vague so he doesn't officially commit by saying dont go yet still makes it awkward as a way to keep you from dating. Not for love but just as a way of being in control.

cushioncovers Fri 07-Apr-17 16:08:21

IMO I wouldn't bother with dating if you've only been separated two months and you still love him. Too messy.

badabing36 Fri 07-Apr-17 16:12:43

At least you are being open and honest with him. He seems to be headfucking you from this one example. Keep being honest with him and try not to get drawn into the 'guess what I mean by this random statement' game.

Darbs76 Fri 07-Apr-17 16:12:46

I agree 2 months is quite soon for dating. But your life so if you want to go I'd go. It will complicate things though you're clearly still in love with your ex, it's not fair to use other men to tempt your ex back

badabing36 Fri 07-Apr-17 16:15:41

Also only go on a date if it's what you want. Don't do it to make him jealous, or don't cancel because of some vague statement and pic of your son. You make your choice based on what you're ready for and nothing else.

I know that's easy for me to

MrsPacMan Fri 07-Apr-17 16:15:56

What cushion said

callmestupid Fri 07-Apr-17 16:16:11

I agree, it is too soon. And I may cancel. I never intended to use another man to get at my ex, it was more a case of seeing how I felt about it and I was excited about the prospect, but now it's close and seems more of a reality I just feel a bit freaked out by it. The guy is nice, and he is a friend of a friend so he knows the situation, but I think it's too soon. I'm thinking maybe my text to my ex was out of my own fear and looking f for something else to stop me rather than not doing something just because it scares me. Does that make sense? I feel bad cancelling this late though.

Chickoletta Fri 07-Apr-17 16:16:13

Now that you've already opened yourself up in this way I don't think there's anything to lose in asking him outright whether there's any hope of you getting back together. Why not ask him if he wants to go on a date with you instead? He can only say no and that wouldn't make you feel any worse than you're already feeling.

callmestupid Fri 07-Apr-17 16:18:26

Oh god chickoletta. I can see where you're coming from and in theory that's a great idea but in reality the thought of opening myself up to such direct rejection is really scary.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 07-Apr-17 16:19:45

I don't agree with other posters. He's trying to say something to you. And he can't find the words. I don't know what those words are. They could be "please don't I still love you" or they could be "I'm glad you've decided it's time to move on". You either bite the bullet and ask him if he wanted to say either of these things or perhaps something else. Or you sit and wonder. I also don't agree you split and don't look back. Dh and I had a break many years ago and way before we had dd. We are still very much married. He has turned out to be a wonderful husband and father in my time of debilitating chronic illness.

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