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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Cheating ??

61 replies

Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 11:38

My partner went back to another womans house and stayed there all night drinking. He says he fell asleep on couch. Hes kknown this woman for years and shes supposed to be seeing his friend... he came home nxt day and told me straight away were he had been and swears nothing happened.. i just dont know what to believe ??

OP posts:

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Adora10 · 07/04/2017 11:40

Drinking all night and staying over yet nothing happened, sorry OP; I'd prepare for the worst.

boolifooli · 07/04/2017 11:44

Do you have any reason to be suspicious? Was anyone else there?

hellsbellsmelons · 07/04/2017 11:44

Well you'll never know - will you?
He could be telling the truth.
If he was drinking and actually very drunk, he might not have been able to 'perform'.
What is your gut telling you?
Can you get access to his phone?
Messages between them might give you some clues.

Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 11:48

No just the 2 of them, yes i have access to his phone but he hasnt got her number.. i dont know her but know who she is and she is supposed to be seeing his mate, worse thing is she lives round the corner from me, he admitted as soon as he walked in were he had been but i just dont know what to think.

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shovetheholly · 07/04/2017 11:51

None of us can tell you what really happened. It could be innocent, it could be very guilty.

I think this comes down to the quality of your relationship, his personality, and the level of trust you have in him. There are some men you could trust in a whole dormitory of naked female models, there are others who are constantly on the lookout for opportunities to cheat.

Beelzebop · 07/04/2017 11:53

Either way I would be annoyed tbh. Has he ever done anything dodgy before? What does your gut tell you? Xx

BonnyScotland · 07/04/2017 11:54

no chance this is remotely acceptable OP... turn the tables .... you spend the night drinking at one's of your male friends houses .. but it's ok because he's seeing one of your girlie friends .... would he be ok with that heck no

Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 11:56

Im furious with him as innocent or not he should never have been there.. i want to believe him but i have doubt as a couple of months ago while we were living apart temp i discovered hed been txting another woman, nothing happened between them was just txts

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hellsbellsmelons · 07/04/2017 11:56

If he's known her for years it's odd he doesn't have her number.
Have you checked whatsapp or snapchat or messenger on fb?
Does he have an odd name listed in his recent texts?
(I think you tell I had to do a lot of snooping on my ExP)
If nothing then it may all have been innocent.
I know a couple of male friends and if I ended up back at their houses they wouldn't try it on and I wouldn't let them.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 07/04/2017 11:59

(are his clothes in the wash? - tell tale signs in them maybe?)

Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 12:00

Hes not on social media and he does leave his phone lying about,

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Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 12:15

No perfume or anything on his top

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SurlyValentine · 07/04/2017 12:29

It sounds like you don't trust him, and if the trust is gone then there's no relationship left, is there?

You've not found any evidence he has cheated, his phone isn't glued to his hand, there wasn't any perfume on his clothes when he got home, he straight out told you where he'd been.

The only thing bugging me would be why, if she only lives round the corner from you, he went to her house and not yours.

Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 12:32

Ive been asking myself that question..

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AnyFucker · 07/04/2017 12:34

Why was he at her place at all ?

AnyFucker · 07/04/2017 12:35

Very, very dodgy

I expect he only told you in case he was spotted

aquamarine2 · 07/04/2017 12:35

exactly, surlyvalentine. If it were miles away, fair enough, but round the corner. No. Not buying it.

Adora10 · 07/04/2017 12:37

So he's already give you reason to mistrust him and what does he do, he stays out all night at OW house drinking; totally out of order regardless if nothing happened; not for his want of trying then.

SurlyValentine · 07/04/2017 12:43

Has he told you how he came to be at her house in the first place? Was he out with mates in the pub and she happened to be there, and at closing time it was "Right, everyone back to mine!" then everyone else drifted off home? Or was it a personal invitation from her to just him on his own?

Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 12:47

It seems like they were both in same pub hes gone over 2 chat to her and shes invited him back 2 hers for a drink... he said shed also asked the lad shes seeing but he never turned up.. he had few drinks and fell asleep

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RestlessTraveller · 07/04/2017 12:47

I wouldn't have a problem with this because I trust DP.

The question is why don't you trust him! Has he ever done anything before to make you think he may have been up
to something? Why do you have access to his phone?

Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 12:50

He works nights so leaves it dwnstairs i dont sit going through it usually but did check it after this,

OP posts:

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SurlyValentine · 07/04/2017 12:58

It boils down to whether you trust him or not. I'm not saying you should have to, but have you thought about speaking to his friend (the one who is supposed to be seeing the woman who's house your DP stayed at) for his take on it? Was he really invited or is your DP lying?

If you believe that your relationship is good, it enhances your life and is worth fighting for, then I think, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary, you might have to let him have this one.

Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 13:03

Theres alot to think about i suppose i dont want to spend my days worrying what hes upto, its just nice to be able to talk about it to outsiders, none of my friends like him anyway so i cant talk to them.

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Adora10 · 07/04/2017 13:10

Even if I trusted him, but wouldn't yours as he's been caught before texting OW; I'd still be livid that he thought it ok to go back to his friend's girlfriend's house and drink all night and stay over; since when was that acceptable to anyone?

What's his mate saying about it; he'll not be too happy either I'd guess; it's a bit off to do that.

Oh and none of your friends like him, he's not sounding that great OP.

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