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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Cheated

35 replies

Doc1234 · 07/04/2017 10:17

Need to vent...

I cheated on my husband a few days ago with a friend of his and now I feel stupid!! I can't believe I let myself think it would be ok. I was infatuated with the other guy, hadn't felt like that for years but I was happily married....hadn't even looked at another guy! I didn't understand where these feelings had come from.

Been with my husband 11 years and been having strong feelings for his friend for over a month, constant flirting and other stuff led us to take it further. The other guy is also married. We agreed it would just be a bit of fun. We did it once and I was ok after.... but now every time I look or talk to my husband I just want to tell him the truth. I can only imagine how disastrous that would be for us all. I know I need to put all this behind me and not have anymore involvement with the other guy and live with my guilt.

Would you tell and be completely honest??.... hubby has always said he would kill me and the guy if I ever did anything.

.......yes! I'm a total idiot!!!

OP posts:

Report

Adora10 · 07/04/2017 10:19

The other guy is also married. We agreed it would just be a bit of fun

Pathetic.

LordScuttlebutt · 07/04/2017 10:20

Have you and other guy both agreed never to see each other again in that way?

If you want to keep this a secret, you have to hope to goodness other guy does too!

LordScuttlebutt · 07/04/2017 10:21

Well, you've had your fun. I hope it was worth it.

Now it's time to pay the piper.

You are struggling with guilt. I don't know what to say. If your husband won't take it well, it might be best to bury the affair and hope it never comes to light.

Living with the guilt will be the price you need to pay, I'm afraid.

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2017 10:21

How did the conversation where your husband said he would kill you if you cheated come about? Do couples who trust each other and are happily married tell each other things like that?

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2017 10:23

If your husband won't take it well, it might be best to bury the affair and hope it never comes to light.

Do any husbands/wives take news of cheating well?!

Reow · 07/04/2017 10:23

AnyFucker · 07/04/2017 10:25

Ugh

Doc1234 · 07/04/2017 10:46

Husband has always said if another man touched me he would kill them, then me for doing it. He's quite possessive....always has been.

I know the only answer is for me to keep my mouth shut. I don't think I need to worry about the other guy telling him. Think that would only maybe come about if he got found out at his end.

......yes it's a completely stupid situation.....I'm an idiot, i know

OP posts:

LordScuttlebutt · 07/04/2017 10:48

Let's hope that it stays quiet then.

If you want your marriage to continue, you need to find out why you did what you did. If you can get yourself in this position so easily, something is amiss?

highinthesky · 07/04/2017 10:48

It's either tell him or live with the sword of Damocles.

Would you want to live with a liar?

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2017 10:50

Why are you with someone who tells you he would kill you for cheating? Surely that's not a sign of a healthy relationship?

What you did was absolutely awful and you need to think seriously about what's wrong in your relationship that led to this.

Emboo19 · 07/04/2017 10:53

Well I wouldn't stay with any man who'd say he'd kill me for any reason! And if you really think there's any truth in that, then I'd look at leaving as soon and safely as you can!

I think these things have a way of coming out to be honest, so I'd tell all and deal with the consequences (obviously if I feared for my safety, I'd only do so if I was somewhere safe first)

HeavenlyEyes · 07/04/2017 10:53

I agree - threats to kill is dreadful! Why oh why are you married to such a person? If he is that awful then be alone. And FGS having sex with a married man - where on earth is your self esteem? In your boots no doubt.

Doc1234 · 07/04/2017 10:54

I don't really know why other guy affected me like he did. Never even looked at another guy like that for years.

I think I looked for an escape from the norm maybe??

OP posts:

Doc1234 · 07/04/2017 10:57

I never took the threats to kill seriously, assuming it was just words more than anything, which I do believe is the case. If I did tell him, I would do it somewhere near other people for safety

OP posts:

UnconventionalWarfare · 07/04/2017 10:59

You should tell him. Poor fucker has a liar for a wife and a cunt for a friend

LordScuttlebutt · 07/04/2017 11:01

I never took the threats to kill seriously, assuming it was just words more than anything

You definitely need to take that seriously.

You maybe don't know your husband as well as you think.

He certainly doesn't know you as well as he thought either!

NeonGod73 · 07/04/2017 11:01

I don't think you feel guilty at all. You just feel sorry for your husband. Did you feel the guilt eating away at you while you were shagging the other man? You didn't. You were busy shagging him.
If you are stupid, tell your husband.

TheNaze73 · 07/04/2017 11:14

NeonGod73 · 07/04/2017 11:16

And what is this "I don't really know why the other guy affected me like he did"?
Lemme guess...because he is sexy and attractive and he started your sex hormones going crazy. Something along that line?
You think that being married will stop you from desiring other people? Wise men say it won't. Oops.

Nomoreworkathome · 07/04/2017 11:20

Go away

Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 11:22

My partner went back to another womans house and stayed there all night drinking, he says he fell asleep on couch. She is a girl he has known for years and is supposed to be seeing his friend. He came home nxt day and straight away said were he had been and swears nothing happened... could he be telling the truth ??

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PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2017 11:23

lindsey you might be better starting a separate thread.

ImperialBlether · 07/04/2017 11:23

Why on earth are you married to someone who threatens to kill you if you did anything wrong? Can't you see how bad that is?

Lindseylou75 · 07/04/2017 11:26

Sorry new on here and didnt realise it would post in this conversation

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