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Is it weird that I don't care about not having friends?

(78 Posts)
Booboo27 Thu 06-Apr-17 13:17:55

Growing up I was always very popular and surrounded by large friendship groups. I then had a few really close friendships during my 20s which have since fizzled away.
I now probably have 2 or 3 friends who I meet up with once every couple of months and we occasionally text to keep in touch. Other than that I'm happy spending time with my DP, family members or, if I'm being totally truthful, I love spending time by myself. I'll quite happily do things like go to the cinema alone or out for lunch alone.
I'm also more than happy spending time in my house just relaxing and doing the things I enjoy.
Do you find that friendships are very important to you? And do you enjoy spending quite a lot of time alone or would it depress you?

Msqueen33 Thu 06-Apr-17 13:21:14

I'd like friends but I suffer with social anxiety and it exhausts me. But when I see photos on Facebook (I know, I know Facebook isn't completely real) I do feel like I'm missing out but I like doing my own thing.

Adora10 Thu 06-Apr-17 13:22:07

Love my own company, love my partner's company and love my friends company, why restrict yourself?

Booboo27 Thu 06-Apr-17 13:24:54

Maybe I've just not met any people in my adult life who I've properly clicked with friendship wise. I find regular meets with the friends I do have quite exhausting as I can't be fully myself. Think that's why I keep socialising to a minimum and just do things on my own or with DP or my sister. Find I feel a lot happier that way

MycatsaPirate Thu 06-Apr-17 13:25:28

I have very few friends, I have crippling anxiety and it really affects me having any kind of social life.

There was a meet up of parents the other week in the local pub. I decided to make a huge effort and go. I got there and the pub was absolutely packed, I didn't recognise anyone and didn't know who anyone was. I walked home in floods of tears. It's put me off even attempting anything else to be honest.

I love my own company. I love being at home with my family. I will go out with dp but if it's with people I don't know my anxiety sky rockets to the point that I get very stressed before the day has actually arrived. It's horrible.

Booboo27 Thu 06-Apr-17 13:27:30

That's awful! I can just imagine how stressed I'd feel turning up to something like that and not even recognising who any of the people are. If you ever do it again then maybe ask for someone to meet you beforehand on your way there so you can go in together. Social anxiety is a really horrible thing. I don't get it anymore but I used to in my 20s

badabing36 Thu 06-Apr-17 13:42:28

Me too op, let's be friends grin.

I was just thinking this exact thing. Thread at the mo about telling your OH your friend's secrets, and I thought nobody would tell me their secrets in the first place.

I got bad anxiety and depression, which looking back went on for years, it felt impossible to pick up a phone or reply to a text. I'm fine now, but I have lost a lot of people getting there.

Now I don't miss it. I'm happy with dp and my family. Though dp keeps saying we need to get out more. We don't want to give our kids our debilitating social anxieties.

Booboo27 Thu 06-Apr-17 13:44:46

Yes, let's be friends grin

My anxieties in my 20s were also what ended a lot of my close friendships as I stopped making any effort to stay in touch with them.
I'm really glad I'm so happy in my own company a lot of the time or I'd probably have cracked up by now!

finks100 Thu 06-Apr-17 13:46:36

This is me- I could have written your post, I love pottering and spending time on my own around the house doing hobbies.
I don't need a big Saturday out in town dressed up and shopping...the idea sounds hideous!!!

4267sparkles Thu 06-Apr-17 13:47:49

Im the same...Im quite happy with my kids & dp or pottering about myself.

I suffer from horrendous social anxiety aswell so that probably explains why my friendships have fizzled out over the years.
Im glad Im not the only one like this smile

Booboo27 Thu 06-Apr-17 13:52:24

If my DP or family are busy then my ideal way to spend a saturday night would be on my sofa with some magazines, books, a good movie or my favourite tv shows and then a relaxing bath before bed. I never feel lonely doing it and I don't miss the boozy wild nights out with friends I had ten years ago.
When I do see the few friends I have (which isn't often at all anymore) we just do something simple like go to the cinema and then have a coffee afterwards, or we'll have a takeaway round mind

theshitcollector Thu 06-Apr-17 14:01:09

I've always found that I like the idea of having lots of friends that I see/speak to all the time, but the reality of dealing with lots of people puts me off.

I'm very happy spending time with my partner and children, or being on my own. I have a couple of long term friends that I catch up with once in a blue moon and a few local friends that I meet up with occasionally. My local friends are very 'social butterfly' and sometimes try to get me to go along to big nights out but every time I do I end up feeling awkward all evening and wishing I was at home.

I do sometimes think that I might regret not having developed more friendships as I wonder if I might feel I need friends more when the DC leave home or if anything happened that meant DP was not around.

Booboo27 Thu 06-Apr-17 14:26:27

I went to Ibiza once with a group of girls for 2 weeks and found the whole thing a complete and utter ordeal. All the pressure to have to drink loads and stay out all night, all the bitchiness and gossiping, and basically just feeling like I couldn't be myself and say no to anything.

It would be nice to meet a few friends who have the same outlook as me and don't require a clingy friendship, or one that has to involve nights out.
I think I just get more and more intolerable of other people the older I get haha.

MadisonMontgomery Thu 06-Apr-17 14:37:22

I'm like this - I love having my own space and as I spend all day in an office with other women it's nice to get home and have some quiet time. Plus I get very nervous of putting myself in new situations or going to new places. I do sometimes think it would be nice to have more friends but I'm just not able to go through with it!

noego Thu 06-Apr-17 14:52:29

Personally I don't think so. It shows great maturity. Respect for oneself, love for oneself and a desire-less existence. You do not need other people to make you happy or crave for attention.
Isn't it wonderful???

Msqueen33 Thu 06-Apr-17 14:55:56

I do occasionally find it lonely though.

HelgaHufflepuff76 Thu 06-Apr-17 14:59:21

I think you must be me Booboo.

I had friends at school, university and work, but I always felt like the only thing we really had in common was our location and situation.

The friends I have now either live a long way from me or are of a completely different generation, so I don't go out anywhere with any of them.

When my kids were younger the other mums would sometimes talk to me at the school gates, but I find that kind of social interaction so hard, I'm sure they all thought I was weird because I didn't talk much and struggled with eye contact.

I love my own company, and that of my family and that seems enough for me.

I am aware that I am not normal and I do worry that others judge me negatively. I wish I could make myself not care about that.

CharlotteCollins Thu 06-Apr-17 14:59:26

I'm a bit like this, but with no DP at home, which makes it a bit harder. I've lost touch with all my friends from the past because I don't know how to keep the friendship going if we don't live nearby.

I have one good friend who I meet once a fortnight or sometimes just every four weeks. We chat for a bit and then watch a film(!), but although we don't have a lot to say to each other, I think we're good emotional support and we understand each other.

Apart from that, I like to be around people, so I have a few groups I mix in, but they all have a purpose, so I'm never just sitting around chatting. I know the people in these groups, there are people I like to catch up with, but the idea of inviting some over for lunch... I guess it makes me feel anxious, though I might not have phrased it like that before reading this thread!

user1487175389 Thu 06-Apr-17 15:05:24

Sometimes I'm bothered, but mostly I look forward to being on my own. I suppose I'd like more people I can call on in an emergency. I live somewhere most people have friendships established in childhood and aren't looking for new comers. Hey ho.

Every so often I make what I think is a new friend, but generally find the men are really after a shag, and the women are two faced and quick to ditch over superficial stuff. At least I know where I am with myself.

DontSayIt Thu 06-Apr-17 15:05:42

I've just not met any people in my adult life who I've properly clicked with friendship wise

Such an interesting thread, OP.

I am quite a social animal in some ways, but I am not so big on the "friendship" thing.

I think there are lots of reasons for this! Being a bit different maybe for one, perhaps others, a bit of a rolling stone ... grin

I do sometimes feel a little embarrassed that I don't have many friends - one really or two at a push. I don't have a partner either! It feels like a stamp of approval if you have friends, preferably lots of them!

But I love life! I find alot of people "not all that" tbh.

Life is too exciting to limit it to creating a dreary social circle for the sake of it!

MrsJayy Thu 06-Apr-17 15:06:07

I have few friends I have a disability and it is just to hard to commit to friends, when the Dds were at primary school I was friends with other mums but never anything to heavy tbh I don't have the energy. If you are happy with your lot then that is all that matters.

DontSayIt Thu 06-Apr-17 15:08:33

yes, the disability thing does make a difference MrsJay, its like you're not quite in the "stream of things", if that makes sense.

MrsJayy Thu 06-Apr-17 15:08:43

1 of my friends I see about 4 times a year has a big social circle always out with the girls or couples nights I am not sure I am made for that .

MrsJayy Thu 06-Apr-17 15:10:41

Yeah Don'tsayit I get what you mean.

Booboo27 Thu 06-Apr-17 15:11:35

I think society tries to dictate to us that we must have lots of friends and we must enjoy nights out with them. It's just not very important to me anymore.

Sounds like we would all get along famously!

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