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Should I appease DSis so she comes to family event (even though I think she is BU)?

(11 Posts)
IvankaTrudeau Wed 05-Apr-17 20:38:41

We've booked a surprise holiday for DF's 70th birthday.
DF and DM are going, plus my siblings and our DPs and DC etc.

DSis2 has had a sort of falling out with our DM. I think DSis2 is in the wrong (wrt to her behaviour) but she thinks our DM should be apologising to her. DSis2 now says she won't come on the holiday unless DM sorts things out wIth her.

I've tried to stay out of it, as have Dsis1 and DB. DF will be upset if DSis2 is missing (we generally get on OK, and are often all together for big birthdays, Christmas etc) but I feel uncomfortable telling DM to patch things up when I think DSis2 is the one who is BU. Also it will cost us more if we have fewer people to divide accommodation costs between (we're renting cottages).

WWYD?

IvankaTrudeau Wed 05-Apr-17 22:01:37

Bump. Anyone?

magoria Wed 05-Apr-17 22:04:22

Stay out of it it is for your DM and Dsis to sort out between them.

2rebecca Wed 05-Apr-17 22:57:33

Agree, not sure why you feel this is your problem to sort out. It doesn't involve you. Back off.

BackforGood Wed 05-Apr-17 23:00:44

I agree with others. Don't really comment. Certainly not your business to get your Mother to apologise even if you thought it were 6 of one and 1/2 dozen of the other, but especially as you think sister is in the wrong.

HecateAntaia Wed 05-Apr-17 23:07:19

i would say to her
be sure you wont regret missing dads 70th birthday because it was more important to you to win with mum than celebrate with dad. i wish you would come because i dont think dad should be punished . but if you dont want to come and be civil to mum then thats your choice. i hope you change your mind because i think in future years youll think back and regret it, but you must do what you think is best.

2rebecca Wed 05-Apr-17 23:27:03

If you arranged the accommodation when she said she was coming and agreed to pay then she should still pay for her share just like any holiday.

Kleptronic Wed 05-Apr-17 23:35:34

What Hecate said.^^

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Thu 06-Apr-17 07:58:50

I would say to her that her falling out with your Mum is irrelevant - you're all going to celebrate your Dad's birthday and her not going would unreasonably punish him.
But agree with other posters that, other than that, I'd stay out if it.

IvankaTrudeau Thu 06-Apr-17 17:58:13

Thanks all.

So far I have gone with Hecate's plan of saying "think of DF" etc, but it is difficult not to speak my mind when she keeps bringing it up and saying "DM is in the wrong etc etc etc".

Astro55 Thu 06-Apr-17 18:00:57

Well if she starts - just say 'sorry I'm not getting involved' repeat!

If she says she's not going say 'that's your choice, but your share is still X' It's your money to lose

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