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Not sure if this is the right place to post but.....

(11 Posts)
user1491403410 Wed 05-Apr-17 15:57:12

I have just joined this as don't seem to be able to find any advice

So been with my partner for 18 months. He does not live with me.

I have 2 kids, one is disabled so I am her carer and because I can't work I have to claim benefits.

For the last 4 months, me and my partner have been talking about living together which I obviously know will mean all my benefits stopping - that's absolutely fine as his wage will cover what I will lose however I didn't want to rush into anything. With having a disabled child, I wanted to make sure he could cope with what life can be like and I wanted to make sure she could bond with him.

So he has been staying over 2/3 nights a week but he does not contribute to me financially at all, he has no belongings here, his post doesn't come here - nothing.

So yesterday I had an appointment with citizens advice to do a proper benefits check just to be sure we can afford to live together properly.

And she scared the life out of me, she told me I was committing a fraud because he stays a couple of nights a week? I was sure it was fine to have a partner stay over as long as they don't actually live there?

She asked me if we eat together, if we hold hands in public. Even if we have sex lol. She said if we do any of these things then I am committing an offence and I need to stop him coming over right away.

I just don't get it, as soon as you start a relationship you have to have a joint claim for tax credits? Surely that can't be right. I'm panicking now as I know everything through citizens advice is confidential but she was absolutely horrible so I wouldn't be surprised if she did ring up tax credits about me.

In one months time we will be doing a joint claim, partner has one more month left on his tenancy but until then do I need to be worried? Are you not even allowed to hold hands walking around ASDA - she told me that you cannot shop together either.

Does anyone actually know what is and isn't allowed? Am I committing an offence?

6demandingchildren Wed 05-Apr-17 16:18:00

I hope this isn't true as my son and his girlfriend will be in lots of trouble as he goes to her flat every night after work and takes her shopping and i know they have sex as my granddaughter is proof of that.
As for losing your benefits you may not lose all your tax credits as your disabled daughter and any DLA won't be affected as it's not means tested.

HeavenlyEyes Wed 05-Apr-17 16:22:03

there are many factors which are taken into consideration - it isn't just about the mythical staying 2 nights a week. If your son is spending every night with his girlfriend 6 surely they are living together?

hellsbellsmelons Wed 05-Apr-17 16:24:05

That sounds pretty crazy.
I'm sure you can have people to stay for a certain number of nights.
Could you call again and hope you get a different person?
If what this person is saying is true then I would guess a lot of the population are committing fraud.

However, you need to address the financials before you make any more moves.
He doesn't contribute at all at the moment and that's not fair.
What would the arrangement be if he does move in?
Will you have full access to all money?
I would be very wary of losing a lot of money if he does move in.
Are there any other red flags you are ignoring about this man?

user1491403410 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:26:19

I have looked into this before and was told there is no general rule as to someone staying over as long as they are not financially contributing to the house, they have no belongings there and the house is not used as a postal address.

All of the above is true for me. However I am in a relationship, it's a serious one but we just want to take our time to do things properly and now I'm scared I will be penalised for this.

For us, it's getting sorted next month anyway, we will have a joint claim. But it's scary to think you can get into trouble just for being in a relationship

user1491403410 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:29:18

He's an amazing man, I have absolutely no worries.

When I say he doesn't contribute, that's because he has his own bills to pay. When he moves in, it will all be split - intact he will be paying more than I do but we are opening a joint bank account.

It'snot like he actually lives with me now where he should be contributing if that makes sense. If he did then I know I would definitely be committing fraud

emilybrontescorset Wed 05-Apr-17 16:42:01

I have no idea but that sounds ridiculous.
You are doing the right thing by taking things slowly.
Why the hell can't you have someone stay over.

6demandingchildren Wed 05-Apr-17 16:47:38

My son does not yet live with his girlfriend but they are planning on it soon. He leaves her house by 10pm each night and occasionally stays over.
Op you are doing nothing wrong and i hope the move in together goes smoothly xx

user1491403410 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:50:07

Thanks Emily, it does sound ridiculous doesn't it. I'm sure if it's right then there will be so many people committing a crime. I even know a couple who are together but have separate houses because they cannot afford to live together, she's on benefits and no one has questioned it.

I think maybe she was just trying to scare me, she probably didn't like the look of me and thought 'typical benefit scrounger' but that's not what I am at all :-(

Adora10 Wed 05-Apr-17 17:46:30

That is rubbish and I'd report her for misinformation; idiot.

Of course he can stay over a couple of nights a week; he's not living there so you are committing zero offence, honestly.

PandoNoPants Wed 05-Apr-17 18:30:56

Sounds bizarre! Can you have a look online at your local councils' benefits website? Just had a look at mine for housing benefit and it says no deductions for non-dependants as follows:

There is no deduction if the non-dependant is:
under 18 years of age
a boarder or a sub-tenant
a carer for whom the claimant pays a charge
under 25 and receiving income support / jobseeker's allowance / employment support allowance
a full-time student
in prison or otherwise detained
receiving youth training allowance
or if the main home is elsewhere.

So as your DP's main home is elsewhere...

Also, the person asked you some really personal questions in my opinion! I'd be reporting them. Probably need training!!!!

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