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Should I forgive a one night stand?

(72 Posts)
Ilovepeppa Wed 05-Apr-17 13:35:15

Been married to my hubby for 13yrs and have two young boys. He works away often but always trusted him completely.

When he got home from his last trip couple of weeks ago, he told me he got drunk one night and had sex with a woman he picked up on a night out. He was very sorry and begging for forgiveness. I believe he only told me because he thought he had an std in his mouth (herpes)!

I feel so devastated by this and really struggling to see past this and I feel he has ripped my heart out. I have lost all trust in him, especially as he works away at time, and have lost all respect for him. I honestly don't know if I love him anymore now.

Am I right to feel like this after one betrayal, or should I forgive as he's sorry and it was only a one off?

Would you forgive or end things?

Adora10 Wed 05-Apr-17 13:41:40

Your feelings are understandable; what a despicable way to behave; and married too, not right!

Have you told him to give you space; because unless you give him some kind of consequence; he'll probably just carry on; if he works away, how do you even know it was this once; he could have done it before; the trust is well and truly broken; and I'd imagine the only way to get it back is to make him feel the loss of you and then let him make it up to you, which could take years; don't do what most women on here do and that's to hang on to a cheat no matter what; it's not the right way to deal with it.

Huskylover1 Wed 05-Apr-17 13:41:56

You only know what he has told you. You have no idea what the truth is. He could have been picking up women for years, but is telling you about the latest because he had to, due to the suspected herpes.

Personally, I couldn't see past this. The fact that he will continue to work away, will eat away at you, I think.

I know I would be secretly going through his phone/e-mails/search history etc, just to see if there's anything worth seeing.

I'm sorry, it's shit (been there with ExH)

flowers

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 05-Apr-17 13:42:47

No forgiveness from here.
Sorry. flowers
You only have his word that it was a one off.
No more trust=no more relationship.

Girlincognito1 Wed 05-Apr-17 13:45:40

No.It's rancid.

Trustyourself2 Wed 05-Apr-17 13:45:59

When the trust is gone, it's over. If someone else betrayed you in any way, would you ever trust them again or feel the same way about them?

user1483387154 Wed 05-Apr-17 13:46:42

I could not forgive this. The trust has been broken and I would never get it back again.

LonginesPrime Wed 05-Apr-17 14:15:35

Only a one-off?

If that is an acceptable amount of cheating for you, then stay with him.

As PPs have said, only you can decide that.

Whatever else you do, get tested. Hope you're ok (and haven't caught anything horrible from his lack of respect and irresponsibility).

Ilovepeppa Wed 05-Apr-17 14:23:12

Thanks for replies.

I don't think I will ever get the trust back of forgive him for this, and I know I will constantly be throwing this back in his face at every opportunity. I don't want to be one of those wife's that's constantly checking up on him either.

feel so let down and gutted for ours kids, but he clearly wasn't thinking of us when he was 'busy' that night :-(

HermioneJeanGranger Wed 05-Apr-17 14:29:56

If he only told you because he thought he had herpes, how many other times has he done it and not thought he had an STD?

I'm so sorry OP flowers That would be it for me I'm afraid.

user1479305498 Wed 05-Apr-17 14:39:37

as other have said, the idea this was not just a one off would be hard to remove from my mind Im afraid.

Trustyourself2 Wed 05-Apr-17 14:39:37

That's the other thing Ilovepeppa, the constant checking-up. It'll wear you down & be so bad on your mental health.

So sorry for your trouble. It's an awful place to be. You will cope though. Do you have people to support you?

Mammysin Wed 05-Apr-17 14:41:11

He got drunk - but not so drunk he couldn't "perform"? So sorry for you, I would be checking his phone, emails etc too. You must be heartbroken, please don't think you have to be strong "for the children". He did this, he f****d your family over. Ask him to stay somewhere else ( shouldn't be too hard with his job) and make sure he takes care of children while you take care of you .💐

Shoxfordian Wed 05-Apr-17 14:49:21

I couldn't forgive this either op

I don't think I'd ever be able to trust someone again. So sorry this has happened

RedDahlia Wed 05-Apr-17 14:51:12

It's an unequivocal no from me.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. I was there once and I remember how I felt clearly. 5 years on I couldn't be happier. Your husband is a twat to do this to you and DC.

The herpes thing is awful.. and once you have it there is no escaping it as it flares every now and then.. it would be a horrendous reminder for you when he had an out break.

You can't trust a word he says.. walk sweetheart 💐

AnyFucker Wed 05-Apr-17 14:52:05

No forgiveness here. Having unprotected extra marital sex...complete no no for me.

AnyFucker Wed 05-Apr-17 14:53:54

What are the chances, huh ?

The very first and only time he shagged someone else he contracts herpes. Complete bullshit.

Chippednailvarnishing Wed 05-Apr-17 14:54:25

STD in his mouth? So he's given her oral sex?

He's not being truthful.

HarperValleyHypocrite Wed 05-Apr-17 14:57:37

Im sorry this had happened to you.

I forgave my h under these circumstances and he did it a further 3 times that I'm aware of.

My confidence is destroyed. I'm not the same person anymore. Get rid of him while you still have the strength to do so.

xStefx Wed 05-Apr-17 14:57:42

Sorry he is lying, he has been sleeping round and he only told you this time because he thinks he got something

Patriciathestripper1 Wed 05-Apr-17 15:04:20

So sorry for you op flowers wine
This happened to me when I was younger with my first Dd,
I couldn't forgive him and that was the end.
I found out few years later from a mutual aquaintance that he shagged everything that moved when he was working away.
Hope you make the choice that's right for you.

Happybunny19 Wed 05-Apr-17 15:05:32

I could possibly forgive a ons in certain circumstances but I wouldn't believe this is a one off. I would think he only confessed before passing on a sti, so he's not demonstrating genuine remorse and has probably done it before. If he was sober enough to perform he was sober enough to remember his wife and children.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Wed 05-Apr-17 15:11:03

Personally I couldn't forgive. He wasn't too drunk was he, or he wouldn't have been able to sleep with someone else at all surely? I find it terribly sad when someone is willing to risk their life with their DH/DW and children for a quick shag.
I'd be disinclined to believe it was the first time. Having a grand old time on his work trips, wasn't he?
Personally I could never trust him again and I wouldn't want to be forever checking up on him.

Nancy91 Wed 05-Apr-17 15:12:00

I don't think you'll be able to trust him again. Don't torture yourself by staying with him flowers

Kiroro Wed 05-Apr-17 15:12:22

No because there are SO many steps you have to go through to sleep with someone, that it can only be 100% wilful and not something that just happened.

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