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Partner just left is time the only healer??

(8 Posts)
DtD1986 Wed 05-Apr-17 09:53:49

First Post on mumsnet
But heard it's a good place for good advice.
Partner of 3years just left me and my 2boys, his own issues and lies caused arguments and got too much for him.
He's great as a dad can't fault him there but is time the only thing that heals this mess?
Moved to new area so no friends or family only friend is MIL which can be awkward.
Just advice needed it's hard been alone I don't know if there is OW but I know there's no going back now and when that day comes it's gonna hurt is there anyway to prepare yourself for it or is it again time that I have ??
Any advice please not bad people but a bad situation xxx

Sammymickyvicky Wed 05-Apr-17 10:13:24

So sorry to hear he has left. My OH left over a week ago after 12 years and 3 children together. It's hard. You will have days were you will just get on with things then days you will wanna stay in bed and cry. Time is a healer and I'm sure in time you will be able to get through this.

Trustyourself2 Wed 05-Apr-17 10:39:12

I'm 16 months down the line from being left and feel so much better than back then. I never thought I would, but I do, thank goodness. My circumstances are different to yours, in as much as I don't have children, but I live away from my own family & friends and don't have real friends where I'm now living. My ex's parents, who were devastated with what happened, have been absolutely brilliant and I would have struggled even more without their friendship. I did make a decision, however, no to offload to them and make them feel awkward. My ex has left the area, so it wasn't difficult for me, or them, to call in on them. Even now they always ask me to call in, and I do. I did see a counsellor, which I would recommend, as you can tell them everything you need to to start your healing. In time, I also made an effort to visit my family and friends, which really helped, even though I was falling apart, but it really did help me to get stronger.

Yes, time is the healer, but during that time you will go through emotional and mental stress. Be kind to yourself and don't expect great things from yourself. Just be and let the emotions come through. Do things that bring you comfort and do things that suit you, not what others think are best for you.

Other mumsnetters will be along soon to give comfort re your 2 boys.

Take care of yourself.

DtD1986 Wed 05-Apr-17 11:24:58

As awful as it sounds it's nice to know im not alone and if others can be strong I can to.
Thanks for advice it helps so much xxx
Grateful xxx

Chasingsquirrels Wed 05-Apr-17 11:31:44

I think time is the healer - and it's fantastic that you are already saying it is a bad situation not bad people - that will stand you and your children in such good stead.

ExH left 9 years ago when our boys were 5 & 2, we'd been together for 16 years.
It probably took me getting on for a year to start to get 'over' in, and in reality it was probably only when I got together with late-DH that I fully healed.

Be kind to yourself and your children.
Try and get out and start to make friends - it's got to be tough being in a new place, are the children young so you can join mum & tots things?
But equally if you have days when you can't face the world - that's okay too at the moment (although you do need to be careful that it doesn't slip into all day every day on a long term basis).

Hugs
xx

Trustyourself2 Wed 05-Apr-17 11:37:38

DtD1986 it's not awful to think of others going through what you're going through. That's exactly why I lurked on mumsnet for nearly a year, as knowing that so many people are suffering and have survived, made me realise that all would be well, eventually. I'm very thankful for mumsnet.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 05-Apr-17 11:48:17

Are the DC his as well?
Are you happy in the new area?
Could you move back to family and friends for extra support.
You will need it. Family and friends are what help you through this horrible time.
But yes, unfortunately, time!
After my ExH - 15 years together - it took me a year before I started to feel like myself again.
You will get there.
It really won't be like this forever.
There are so many of us on here who absolutely confirm that!
Be kind to yourself.
Look after yourself.
Lots of love and support around you and you'll get through it.

DtD1986 Wed 05-Apr-17 12:03:44

Thankyou so much oldest has started school and youngest is 1, the youngest is his and was always good to them both will never doubt that he will be there for them.
I have no friends or family in area but I'm hoping intime I will make friends on my own accord and not someone trying to impress if that makes sense.
I'm not depressed but it's frightening to think if I did get low how to get back up so I'm determined not to ever let it creep up that's why I came here and decided even if it's a few comments from strangers who could help make me feel better then I will take that over anything.
I recently lost my father and that in itself takes time and hurts more knowing he left when i needed him the most. But it's done now and the kids have to come first.
I wouldn't want the kids moving just yet we need to be a family for a time kee everything as normally as it can otherwise i think if I lost that it would be a downward spiral.
Thanks again for the support it's means so much xxx

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