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How bad was this??

(25 Posts)
FabulousUsername Wed 05-Apr-17 08:32:49

Hope this won't seem trivial or be too 'trigerring'. I've posted several times recently about H who 1) got a new puppy against my wishes 2) sent me a link to an article about ASD which i think i have but it really upset me. He generally is being very selfish and has always been like this. We have sort of been living separately (2weeks) as there is a place he can stay (other house) which is more puppy friendly as our house has carpets. Which the puppy has peed on, i don't blame her but it's upset me a bit. He wants me to stay in the other house but i don't...I work full time and i like my routine. Which supports his suggestion of ASD but he won't consider my needs at all, thinks I could just bring a spare shirt and go from there.

So last night we were having dinner (at the carpet house) as I'm trying to hold it together and avoid increasing bad feeling, thinking maybe it's just the stress of a (his) new puppy. He spilled a plate of Indian food onto the beige carpet. I didn't get mad, just said he needed to clean it up. He was faffing doing it badly and I said to him I'd do it (a bit of passive aggressiveness from me) then basically he told me i was doing it wrong, etc....Then I said 'its a good thing I got a quote for new carpet' and he got furious with me, said i should have asked him first. Which sent me into a rage, all I'd done was go into the shop and ask about prices which the guy had written down for me. Anyway it culminated in us both apologising but then he got angry later when he had to leave with the puppy, I wasn't begging him to stay i guess. His ideal situation would have been that i went to the other place (walking distance) but I said no.

Anyway. This morning I'm leaving for work, I see he's vomited on the steps on his way out. I just had to clean it up.

Not sure how to feel about this confused

Maxwellthecat Wed 05-Apr-17 08:34:47

Your DH vomited or his puppy did?

Cricrichan Wed 05-Apr-17 08:39:43

You live together and he got a puppy against your wishes??

Joysmum Wed 05-Apr-17 08:40:20

From what you written, he has a history of expecting you to be more flexible accommodate his wants above yours at the cost of your happiness.

That's (unsurprisingly) continuing now you live apart. It's all about what he wants with little consideration of you. His puppy, his problem.

FabulousUsername Wed 05-Apr-17 08:58:52

He vomited, not the puppy. Been years since I've had to clean it up, i was wretching!

sucue Wed 05-Apr-17 09:04:59

He vomited on the steps and you cleaned it up? Is he seriously ill?

FabulousUsername Wed 05-Apr-17 09:09:54

No he has a sensitive stomach and we'd had Indian food. He didn't tell me he'd done it (no text saying 'sorry i was sick on the steps') and it was a total surprise when i almost stepped in it.

He does like sympathy when he's ill so I'm wondering if he's trying to manipulate me.

Maxwellthecat Wed 05-Apr-17 09:30:57

A grown man vomited on the step to the house and just left it??

TBH this whole thing is bizzare.
Is this a rented house? Have you split up?

FabulousUsername Wed 05-Apr-17 09:49:46

Yes Max... He did. Left it. I've no idea whether I'm supposed to feel sorry for him (oooh poor man ill) or be furious. I just feel numb! Not rented, we own both. It's complicated and i realise it sounds bizarre.

Creampastry Wed 05-Apr-17 09:49:56

Get him to move out permanently

Finola1step Wed 05-Apr-17 09:52:17

Are there dc involved?

FabulousUsername Wed 05-Apr-17 09:54:31

No DC at home, they've grown up and moved out. Don't know what they'd make of his behaviour or whether he'd have donr it if they were hete

FabulousUsername Wed 05-Apr-17 09:55:10

*done... here

thethoughtfox Wed 05-Apr-17 09:57:36

He sounds like a strange fish.

JustMumNowNotMe Wed 05-Apr-17 09:57:50

I cannot get over the vomiting, who the hell does that! Not a chance would I be cleaning it up, I'd be too busy chucking his stuff out. He clearly has no respect for you at all OP

Shoxfordian Wed 05-Apr-17 10:00:23

This is so disgusting
He vomits outside your house and just leaves it for you to clear up
He spills food on the floor and again expects you to clear it up

Are you in a relationship or are you his maid? I hope you get above minimum wage for this shit

sonlypuppyfat Wed 05-Apr-17 10:01:44

What an odd relationship

FabulousUsername Wed 05-Apr-17 10:04:28

It's out of character for him to vomit on the step smile of course! I just don't know if the anger I'm feeling is justified.

rainbowstardrops Wed 05-Apr-17 10:08:59

So he gets a puppy against your wishes and expects you to move out?
He then gets mad at you for getting a quote for a new carpet because you didn't agree it with him first?
He then throws up and leaves it for you to find in the morning?
Is he completely well? confused

iwasagirlinavillage Wed 05-Apr-17 10:57:23

His behaviour is more than a little bit odd.

plainjanine Wed 05-Apr-17 14:12:03

OP, I've read your previous thread about the puppy purchase.

I think it's maybe time you ask yourself what you get from this relationship and whether the good outweighs the seemingly increasing ill-will between the two of you.

He seems to have little respect for your feelings or opinions. Is it possible he's being a dick in the hope you'll end it, so he can play the victim? Maybe not, but in any case, he seems to be being a dick.

Guiltypleasures001 Wed 05-Apr-17 14:18:49

For some reason his puking on your door step feels deliberate to me, have a rare LTB from me

tipsytrifle Wed 05-Apr-17 14:31:42

I hope I'm wrong but he spilled spicy food (that stains forever) on the carpet. Puppy has weed on carpet. He has thrown up on doorstep. Could he be trying to degrade your home enough that you find it unbearable and choose to leave? I'm sure that's some dark nightmare I've dreamed up after knowing too many psychos in this life. But still, it's bizarre and intolerable behaviour.

I don't understand why your independent action regarding a new carpet is bad when he bought a puppy independently. Is this all some kind of twisted power game invented by him? You may well have ASD, I don't know, but maybe that's another arrow in his quiver too?

Who owns which house or are both jointly owned?

Whatatododo Wed 05-Apr-17 14:36:22

Why didn't you leave it for him to clean up himself?

Happyinthehills Wed 05-Apr-17 15:02:31

How bad is this? Seriously bad.
Frankly I think Guilty and Tipsy have it spot on - it's seems deliberate.
I would have texted him to clear up his mess.

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