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Elderly parents(3 Posts)
I can't really say this out loud so I'm moaning here instead but I'm really struggling with my dad and him understanding my need for my own time and space. For context, I'm 42 and left home at 18 living in various parts of the uk and overseas until coming back to near my home town after my Dm died. My dad is 75, and I'm struggling to tell him that my family need space.
Two examples this week. Last Sunday was the only time in 2 weeks over Easter that DP will be off so we wanted to so family stuff. I work from home but as it's the school holidays intie as much up as possible as DS is only 5 and not easy to work around. Df visited Sunday morning wanting me to do something work related for him, then called 3 other times during the day to get it done. I spent around 3 hours of my only family day over Easter working despite the fact I had told him we only had one day.
Today my best friend was coming for a coffee, first time we've been able to get together in over 6 months. Df called, I told him our plans and that I was busy and he said he'd pop in for 10 minutes to see DS- he stayed the entire time my friend was there. Last time I had a few hours to myself on a morning as DS was at mils he came round anyway. I get NO time to myself, even if I say I'm busy he come around,. I've been known to pop to a shop with DS after school and come home to find him sitting on the drive.
I've only been working from home for 6 months and it's getting worse, he calls all the time and interrupts my work and I just can't get anything done.
He's in fairly good health, still works pt, has a good group of friends and a better social life than me so it's not that he's sat at home bored every day. If he wants to visit he expects us to be in, or be available around his schedule.
He's lovely, not at all controlling or demanding he just doesn't get that my family needs it's own time.
Sorry for the essay, I know I sound like a right cow but I needed to,get it out somewhere. Has anyone else had to deal with this?
If he's fit and healthy, and you are struggling to get work done in the school holidays, cant that kill 2 birds with one stone?
Ask him to take ds to the park or library or other places local to you, or to stay in the living rooom and play something with him, or get him to 'help' in the garden or washing the car or something, and they enttain each other for a couple of hours
at least each day.
In term time, youll just have to explain that on working days they are just that and that you cant answer the door / stop for a chat, and be firm about it for a good month so he breaks the habit. If need be, physically leave the house and go and work in library / cafe / friends spare room for a month so you can't answer the door.
He's fit and healthy for a 75 year old, but not really up to looking after DS for more than an hour or so. DS is quite 'lively', and df can't keep up with him. He just wouldn't play with him, he'd put the telly in and that would be it! He doesn't do his own garden and car let alone mine, he's very much of the opinion that if you can pay someone to do a job for you then why do it yourself! I'm jot that bothered about not working whilst DS is here, i plan my workload to make sure I can get things done on an evening in the holidays, but just because I'm not working it doesn't mean I'm happy to be in the house whenever he wants to come around!
I do need to say no more when DS is at school, and just not answer the endlessly ringing phone. Working from home does make people think you an just be available for anything. I know he'll be hurt if I say not to come round as much as DS is the only grandchild nearby and he does like to see him a lot but when me & DP only get one day every 2 weeks off together it's really hard to get time for our family.
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