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Should I try to get an ASD diagnosis?

(11 Posts)
WildBelle Tue 04-Apr-17 22:17:45

I have put this in relationships because I am 99.9% sure I have ASD and it's affecting my relationships. In the last 3 years I've had 5 short term relationships, and I've ended them all because they haven't matched up to my expectations. I don't know if this is because I have a very black and white view of how things should be because of ASD or whether I'm just mardy and impatient!

My eldest has a dx of Aspergers and I'm fairly certain my youngest is on the spectrum too. Reading more about the condition because of my dd1 has really hit it home how I much I fit the picture myself.

I am wondering if I should pursue a dx myself, so I know for sure. Is this something that the NHS will humour or not? Has anyone had any experience of doing this as an adult?

outabout Tue 04-Apr-17 22:33:16

There probably isn't a 'cure' for you but at least knowing what traits you have may help you 'socially' even if it just helps you avoid 'problem' areas. NHS may take a while, but private is possible if expensive.
Females have different aspects to ASD to males apparently which may be even less documented than adult males. Things are probably better for children where various programs can help significantly.
Wish you luck

Toobloodytired Tue 04-Apr-17 22:47:37

I've been told I have traits by various professionals however I personally don't want the label or any label for that matter.

"Depression" on my records is bad enough.

Just do some research which would help you establish why your relationships are so short term

Msqueen33 Tue 04-Apr-17 22:53:14

I'm 99% sure I have asd. Two of my girls have asd and I relate hugely to bloggers and females with asd. I've thought about a diagnosis but I'm not sure how it would help. Ive got a fairly good mask now so I'm not sure how easily I'd find it talking to someone.

WildBelle Tue 04-Apr-17 22:59:41

Problem is I wouldn't know where to start with researching why my relationships don't last long, there's so many things it could be (past abusive relationships, PTSD, depression, ASD, just generally always having been stubborn). It's a minefield.

Snailandthemale Tue 04-Apr-17 23:09:13

There is a long running thread about this on the Mumsnetters with SN board

FabulousUsername Wed 05-Apr-17 06:35:03

Wildbelle, I've just been wondering about the exact same thing and just had a thread on which I got some good advice, in my case my H suspects I have ASD (sent me a daily mail article which really upset me but he might have a point). I'm wondering if ASD is part of my problem with my relationship as I've been putting up abusive behaviour for years but don't have the confidence to leave.

I found a long checklist online and have been reading up about it. I'm making an appointment with a counsellor who says they have an 'interest' in ASD but I'm not sure this is the best idea as I'm sure anyone will take my money, I'm going to try it anyway as I've been seeing another counsellor for a few weeks and it's not helping. I don't feel it's an NHS issue in my case but it seems a GP is the first point of getting a diagnosis. I asked a couple of years ago and the GP said I wasn't autistic because I could make eye contact with her...but she was trying to be helpful as I wanted some reassurance.

I'm totally sure I do have it and I'm keen to pursue this, but what I really want is some coping strategies and advice. When I look back at me as a child, I was totally and cruelly ostracised by other children for no apparent reason and I isolated myself further by becoming obsessed with horses, reading up about everything to do with them, i.e. name of every body part of a horse, name of every colour and variation, what to feed them, and I'd spout out these facts to anyone and everyone etc but when my parents scraped together money for me to have riding lessons I was quite crap at it sadly. I'm actually quite normal now, my current obsession is clothes from Jigsaw which is socially acceptable if not a tad expensive grin.

Anyway I'll be off to search that thread in SN! Wild, let me know if you find any clues, I think at this point self knowledge will lead to acceptance. Glad you can help your DCs, early intervention for social skills is a good idea.

outabout Wed 05-Apr-17 08:12:09

Reading up about ASD (there are a couple of very good books mentioned in some of the threads on here Tony Attwood being one) and talking to real friends can be a great help.
ASD is not a disease that someone can catch but it appears is probably hereditary although traits in yourself may not be the same in relatives.
Reading through the lists of what 'typical' ASD persons might do/think then relating these attributes to you relationships that have foundered will hopefully move you forward.
There are many around with mild 'symptoms'.
@ Wild, you seem to have more complications as well but hope through learning you can see a path through soon.

Snailandthemale Wed 05-Apr-17 08:51:57

Here is the link. There are several MNers with ASD and similar issues here

The charity Action for Aspergers is useful and, if you live close enough to get there, they have a subsidised lower cost diagnostic service if you don't want to navigate the NHS route

WildBelle Wed 05-Apr-17 10:38:53

Thanks all! I will check out those things suggested. I want to try and work out what's going on because I would like to share my life with someone.

Also I don't know if the problem is me or whether I just have terrible taste in men, the reasons for ending relationships over the last few years are as follows:

1. Lied about his age. Twice. Fessed up fairly on that he'd knocked 3 years off. A couple of months later I found out there was another 6 years on top of that he forgot about.

2. I had an accidental pregnancy and on the day of the termination I was really distraught before going to the clinic and he accused me of having a 'hissy fit'.

3. Lived 3 hours away, and we hardly got to see each other. That wasn't likely to be able to change for 12 years.

4. Had a bit of a thing for tantric massages (I.e. Paying some other woman to wank him off).

5. Was bipolar, an alcoholic, going through a divorce, and on probation for DV. Really flaky and unreliable. Then I found out he'd lied.

So perhaps they all deserved to be dumped? Even so, I've found when I've been in a relationship it's always been hard works, I constantly feel irritated and snappy and I have to really try to keep a lid on it and only mention things that are really bad. I just don't know if I'm compatible with people!

GeekLove Wed 05-Apr-17 12:49:51

They certainly sound like a shower of bastards. At least you have some quality control. Ultimately, you cannot have a good relationship with anyone unless you have one with yourself.

I'm trying to get a diagnosis as an adult and my first attempt has stalled. I'd probably go for Action for Aspergers but I want a job first as I'm being made redundant soon. I am struggling at the moment since with jobseeking you have to keep up the front and I really haven't the energy to do so since my depression has flared up to - mostly from Brexit and jobseeking.

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