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Do you think my mother loves my brother more than she loves me?

(9 Posts)
Hopethisoneisnottaken Tue 04-Apr-17 22:15:16

Ok... so I have done ok financially... my hubby had major debts which we paid off and managed to buy a house and have 2dc. the both of us work full time. i would say we are comfortable. my older brother has been working ever since i remember... but he had to borrow money for his wedding and then to buy his house( fair enough) and then borrow some money from me to pay off the money he borrowed for mortgage downpayment. he and his mrs dont have kids so they did one course of ivf.

recently he borrowed more money from me saying he would pay me in two months. but been 9 months and no sign of money yet. meantime he and mrs been on holiday in jan and she has bought a brand new car i believe on hire purchase.

both of them work fulltime 7 days a week.

anyways but everytime i try to bring his finances up with my mum she goes all sorry for him.saying that they had to spend on ivf etc. i told her about him owing me money and that i hav to pay council tax bill and that every month my entire pay check goes in nursery for two kids( my mum lives abroad) and her response is it was my decision to have two kids and i knew the expense was coming.

well point is she seems to be brushing my financial needs aside and understanding his. i am younger than him... live simple ... drive a basic old car around... she should be encouraging him to pay me back. due to distance my mum and i arent that close and calls are revolved around her talking to my kids.

has anyone experienced partial behaviour from their parents ... pls share so i know i am not alone.

Sassypants82 Wed 05-Apr-17 09:25:06

I'm not necessarily sure this indicates that your brother is your Mother's favorite. What stood out to me is that you're discussing a financial arrangement between yourself & your brother with your Mother. It's none of her business & perhaps she'd rather not be involved?

You need to tell your brother you need your money back immediately & not lend to him again.

highinthesky Wed 05-Apr-17 09:28:00

There is a rule that applies here: never lend money that you aren't prepared to lose.

Keep your mum out of it and address you brother directly. Just don't underestimate the ill feeling it will cause.

Swirlingasong Wed 05-Apr-17 09:32:03

I agree, I think your mum doesn't want to be caught between her two children. It might have come over clumsily, but she won't want to 'take sides' precisely because she loves you both equally.

taraboomdeyay Thu 06-Apr-17 13:05:42

Ugh, soft loans, I could write a book about it. DM is sentimental about DB but perceives you to be more competent. DM is (predictably) not calling in her loan which give DB to think that you won't call in yours either.

I advise you to call in your loan, DB is massively taking the piss. Tell DM when she complains that it's your money not hers.

And stop lending money! smile

ExplodedCloud Thu 06-Apr-17 13:11:42

Do you think she sees him as a breadwinner and you as the pin money person? So your db's money troubles are a thing of importance whereas any troubles you have are minor because you have a husband?
Old fashioned sexism rather than favouritism iyswim.

highinthesky Thu 06-Apr-17 13:37:12

has anyone experienced partial behaviour from their parents ... pls share so i know i am not alone.

I think every parenty knows that whilst they should be even-handed (fair), each child should be treated according to their own personality. Eg it wouldn't be fait to discipline all children in the family on the basis that one actually deserved it.

My mum's "allowances" of my older sister's stupidity used to drive me nuts as a child, because so much more was expected of me. Nothing much has changed as adults, except I can take responsibility for myself and she has to rely on others for help so sometimes comes unstuck when she is forced to use her own initiative.

Just accept that you are different people, with different lives and priorities. Don't seek your DM's sympathy, but is no reason you should be out of pocket if the money matter to you.

Hopethisoneisnottaken Thu 06-Apr-17 21:38:15

i haven't gone running to mummy dearest to tell on him like some posters think. i've been asking him to pay me back for months cos a)we knew council tax bill would arrive soon and b) well if they can afford a new car....

i guess i sometimes bring up his finances so she could have a word with him as he seems to be burying himself into a big financial hole and its not ok not to repay people. my uncle who had lent him money previously also did not receive it back and had to speak with my parents. invariably if he borrows money from extended family sooner or later they gonna go to my parents as my bro just does not think he should pay people back. anyways i learned my lesson this time.. just frustrating that he is in wrong here and my mum does not seem to care about correcting him on the contrary sympathises with him.

I understand that some people who earn low income or dont have regular work have financial difficulties. but he and mrs are in full time work with good wages. i have no sympathy because i also know that they never cook and they always eating out... don't even get me started. oh well....
thanks for all your responses.

Hopethisoneisnottaken Thu 06-Apr-17 21:40:54

highinthesky... i liked the rule you mentioned ... just** wish i had come across it before i lent him money.blush

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