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Should I ask him to start relationship counseling

(6 Posts)
user1470064958 Tue 04-Apr-17 18:01:23

Feeling at the end of my rope today with DH. We've been married nearly two years now and have a ten month old daughter.

Since having DD things have been hard which of course is expected with a child under a year.

The main issue for me is my husbands pure selfishness. He constantly moans we have no money and I keep us on a very tight budget grocery wise, DD clothes are paid for by me and bought second hand.

Whenever we need something for the house it's not even an option but if football tickets become available for said team they are bought without question.

Example being today worrying about a £9 spend at Aldi and then £200 being spent going away abroad to watch the team for a few nights with a friend of his. I'm so fed up and depressed at this point I feel resigned to it.

I think the only next step is some kind of counseling as anything I say falls on deaf ears

user1479305498 Tue 04-Apr-17 18:13:46

I ended up divorcing my ex husband because of selfish stuff exactly like this. I was working full time too with 2 small children to effectively keep him in the lifestyle. Dont wish to sound a doommonger but its things like this that cause major issues. I let it drag till sons were 8 and 5 . BAsically he wanted the single life, with all his ironing done, meals made and sex on tap but not much of the committments or "family stuff" . Ironically when he remarried 5 years down the line, although they didnt have kids, he totally changed. Maybe he got the message. He was not a bad guy--just a rubbish husband in his late 20's.

user1470064958 Tue 04-Apr-17 19:15:45

I think since giving birth I've become a cook and a maid but not a partner anymore. He's literally stopped trying.

Esoteric Tue 04-Apr-17 19:26:56

Yep, that's what happened to me too . This time after 21 years with second husband , I have the same but add in full time office worker as well , to be honest I have become somewhat disillusioned with marriage!!

rotterrome Tue 04-Apr-17 22:24:36

Yep. I have one of these too. He is as tight as they come, hates spending on nice things for the house or DC, however he never misses a stag do or trip away with friends, has continued funding his expensive hobby. But he doesn't see the problem he says " I work full time and pay for it myself so what's the issue?"
And I'm thinking... I haven't had a holiday in 12 months, I'm knee deep in cooking, cleaning and working. Did you not think to maybe treat me to a holiday? The woman you love?
I don't have the answer, but you do have my full empathy. There are lots of selfish men out there who do the same.

junebirthdaygirl Tue 04-Apr-17 22:35:39

Are ye very young as l read somewhere that guys in their 20s are still very immature spending stupid money on stuff but they do improve with age and cop on. If he is over 30 lm afraid its not going to happen. But dont be a martyr. Spend money on yourself and let him go without.

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