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How do you deal with cheap digs and low blows from family?

(20 Posts)
AnnieHoo Tue 04-Apr-17 13:36:09

My aunt, uncle and cousins have always seemed to be jealous of me and my family and like to make cheap digs. This sounds totally petty and a bit boring but the one thing that gets on my tits most is when they refer to the village that I live in they say the village next to me. So i live in a beautiful village over-looking the sea, let's call it 'Beachville' and the village next to me, let's call it 'Sandville' is exactly the same but for some unknown reason they prefer to say I live in that village. Maybe they think it's inferior or they hate the fact that their relative lives in my village and they want to put me down. I usually reply ' i don't live in Sandville, my address is 10 Beachville, I live in Beachville. They insist on dropping that 'are you going to visit Annie in Sandville?' all the time, they all do it. They say it to my mum and my husband too but they just ignore it. I've heard from someone that my Aunt says 'Annie likes to pretend she lives in Beachville but she really lives in Sandville'. Why? I own a house in Beachville and my address is 10 Beachville, what part of that do they inside on being in denial about. Also, similarly, I've just finished a fixed term contract at the end of March and my Aunt has said to my mum 'What is Annie doing since she got the sack?' my mum is like me , we feel like we've been punched in the stomach when they say these things and never have a retort quick enough. We have always risen above it and put it down to sour grapes because we're happy and healthy. It's like a game to them. Our strategy has always been to kill them with kindness but I'm losing my rag with them now, other than distancing myself from them I don't know what to do.

EssentialHummus Tue 04-Apr-17 13:42:07

Just distance yourself as much as possible - if you don't leave their company feeling good about yourself, minimise the time you spend with them.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 04-Apr-17 13:49:08

I think the MN saying 'Oh do fuck off dear' with a PA head-tilt would work rather well here!
But why do you bother with them?
Distance yourself.
They really aren't worth your head space.

xStefx Tue 04-Apr-17 13:56:09

I would answer such weird remarks with:

1: My house is the only house in beachville that actually is really in sandsville , my house is one of a kind (smug look)
2: Whats annie doing after getting the sack " actually im looking into prostitution"

Im very passive aggressive though lol

Sativa Tue 04-Apr-17 14:05:20

I would turn the tables and agree with them - you can be as sarcastic as you like in this case. They're relying on you disagreeing with them as that's how they fuel their fire. So each time you talk about where you live refer to it as Sandville. (YOU know where you live so it's really of no importance what they believe).

Treat it as a game.

"The job hunting is terrible now that I've been sacked; I mean who would want to take on a sacked person?"

I also love the prostitution suggestion.

Sativa Tue 04-Apr-17 14:06:15

PS I'm also hugely passive aggressive and petty !

AnnieHoo Tue 04-Apr-17 14:08:00

hee hee I'd love to say 'oh do fuck off dear', that is the best retort!

I'm never quick enough to come up with any reply, I would love to sock them with a sarcy line that would expose them for being twats.

I thought of using a bit of pop psychology on them and saying 'I notice that you used the word Sandville/ sacking there....' and just leaving that hanging.

Really though, the answer is distancing. If they weren't our only close relations i'd have dumped them years ago.

Hissy Tue 04-Apr-17 16:01:44

Why do they bring to your lives tho? You don't need to put up with them for any reason!

They are not close relatives, they are close enemies, get them away from you and yours and tell them why.

noego Tue 04-Apr-17 17:22:38

Their thoughts, their problem. Let it go

OnTheRise Tue 04-Apr-17 18:04:18

I'd be tempted to say something like, "You're always getting things wrong, aren't you? Beachville, getting sacked... you might want to speak to your doctor about that, it could be the first sign of Alzheimer's disease." But that's a bit of a mouthful. The best thing you can do, I think, is distance yourself from them and if you have to see them just laugh whenever they make one of their digs. Say something like, "Oh, I do love your sense of humour," and wander away chuckling. It'll drive them up the wall.

pallasathena Tue 04-Apr-17 18:15:27

I'd just say that jealousy's one of the seven deadly sins doncha know and how sad is that ?

Shayelle Tue 04-Apr-17 20:32:02

Block them all? Peace ever after grin

MakeItRain Tue 04-Apr-17 21:38:17

Yes distance yourself. Why bother?! They're obviously jealous for some reason.

Otherwise just ignore the sandville comments; if it's a similar place does it really matter?

The sacking comment I'd just say something like "nothing so exciting. My contract finished" and leave it at that. Or laugh and say "sacked??! What did you think they'd sacked me for?" and see what they say.

(But really I think life's too short to be treated like rubbish. Back off and leave them to it.)

springydaffs Wed 05-Apr-17 00:06:34

Their comments are so ridiculous they're hilarious. You've let then get under your skin - stop that! They, and their comments, are absurd. They are the saddos who need to make cheap digs, let them get on with it. Either laugh (a big hearty laugh is ideal but, short of acting lessons, hard to pull off) or cheerfully act completely deaf.

You don't have to see them, you know.

LellyMcKelly Wed 05-Apr-17 06:33:06

Just agree with them, or go, "Haha - good one". They're really not worth bothering about.

InvisibleKittenAttack Wed 05-Apr-17 06:56:07

Is "Beachville" nicer/posher? She's trying to put you in your place. She's clearly decided you have a "level" and that is above what you should have/achieve, so can't accept it as it doesn't fit with her view of you. It's easier to deny any evidence of you having a better life than she thinks you should be capable of than to reassess her view of you as a bit of a failure/not one of life's winners.

The belief you've been sacked fits in to that, so that gets grabbed on to.

Such people will only be happy when your life is a bit shit. They actively want you to fail so you'll fit into the role they have assigned you.

I also would question why you chose to still have anything to do with them? It doesn't matter what they say to others, if they're not part of your life. You don't need their approval- and you'll probably only get it if you start failing, then they can be kind and supportive to the niece/cousin who's beneath them.

Aussiebean Wed 05-Apr-17 06:59:36

Just go with 'have you gone to see your doctor about your memory loss?'

Then walk away.

DownTownAbbey Wed 05-Apr-17 07:20:22

Unless you stand to inherit lots of lolly from these people why do you feel obliged to put up with this? It's not petty, they either already see you in a negative light or think you need 'knocking down a peg'. Life's too short!

AnnieHoo Fri 07-Apr-17 16:40:07

Brilliant, thank you all. I will read this over and over. Distancing and not giving them an inch is definitely best.

I shall suppress my urge to be passive aggressive or just plain old aggressive but your ideas have cracked me up so I'll say them in my head when it happens next : ))

invisiblekittenattack your analysis of my aunt has nailed it. She puts me down to keep her up, very supporting when the chips are down.

Rescuepuppydaft2 Fri 07-Apr-17 16:51:54

I think a very passive aggressive 'That's NICE dear' in the style of Mrs Brown would be fair!

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