Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Revolving our lives around relationships?

(4 Posts)
perfumeriagal Tue 04-Apr-17 13:12:47

I am in my late 30s now and have been with my husband since by late teens. It wasn't always easy and in my 20's I struggled with trying to balance persuing some of my dreams with being commited to my relationships. There were decisions I made regarding my career and my life that would have been different if I had been single in my 20s and early 30s. I did do certain things but it was a compromise i.e. I studied for my masters in London (I'm from Edinburgh) rather than abroad as I would have ideally liked. I dropped out of one more full on, better paid career into another more slow paced, self employed type of work because the pervious job was putting too much strain on my relationship. There were other reasons as well it was too fast paced for me and not as creative has I had hoped but I still ultimately put my relationship first and to be fair he has always done the same i.e. he gave up a great job in the middle east when I was unable to settle there.

I have friends who did the opposite who stayed single or had short term relationships in their 20's and 30's either by fluke or design. They often had more freedom to persue oppertunities and a few are very successful now.

I am happy with my life, I love my husband and I know I made the right choice for me putting us first over my personal ambitions and I still feel like I do good creative work and that I have a really nice work / life balance. Its a very quiet, stable life and I have a lot to be grateful for but I'm also very average and nothing I do will be remembered.

When talking to my friends who have success but not the long term relationship or that stability it seems to be that they focus on, they say they regret leaving someone in particular or go on about how hard it is to meet someone at our age.

As women we are told that ourlives shouldn't revolve around men or relationships but then as humans we are told we don't wish we had worked more on our deathbeds but that we had spent more time with loved ones.

I know there are guarantees in life and that anything could happen to end my relationship in the future but I am glad I'm not single at this stage in my life and that I have that long term relationship with my husband at this stage. I still work, and could still support myself but my relationship comes first and my husband would say the same.

It is so wrong to put your relationships first, is it really ideal to be single through your 20's to know yourself? I feel like the lifestyle of my single friends is probably a better fit for being 20-30ish but when you get to 40ish is when having made your relationship more central begins to really pay off.

Perhaps I am just extrapolating too much from my situation, what do you all think?

jimijack Tue 04-Apr-17 13:22:52

It's something that I have considered allot.
I have family members, been together since they were 13, now in their 50s,their lives are deeply embedded in each other and that of their children's lives.
Great for them, calm, stable living and clean.

For me, I made the decision to have a life of my own, to pursue my chosen career, to excel and to enjoy a freedom afforded a single person with no ties.
Then when I met my husband we made the decision to enjoy our lives together, to buy a property, renovate it, go on wonderful holidays, enjoy the fruits of our careers then in our 30s we decided we were ready for a child As we had lived selfishly both together and as single people.

I am so glad I have done things this way round, I feel fulfilled and content, we have done everything we wanted to do and continue to do this with our children.

Life is good.

perfumeriagal Tue 04-Apr-17 13:26:22

Perhaps it all boils down to when you meet the right person, if your lucky enough to meet them.

noego Tue 04-Apr-17 14:43:03

Do not always believe what people say to you. Conform/don't conform be conventional/unconventional. Women should do this. Women should do that.
It's your life, Do what you want. Are you happy? Have been happy? Feel like you made the right choices at the right time? And guess what, life isn't over yet. Years of bliss and happiness to come........
There are more backpackers over 60 travelling the world than kids on gap years nowadays.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: