Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is anyone else their parents' least favourite child?

(19 Posts)
featherland Tue 04-Apr-17 12:23:02

My parents have always favoured my sister. She's older, prettier, more popular, more successful etc etc. they love me too but don't like me as much if you know what I mean.

I'm fine with it most of the time - we are all human after all. But sometimes I find myself overcome with rage and jealousy. I've just found out that my mother has invested in my sister's new business. I'm talking thousands of pounds. In contrast, I've just had to sell my car because dh was made redundant. I know it's not comparable but for some reason this has made me feel really angry at all the help my parents give ds but don't give me. They also look after my neices one day a week, take my sister on holiday, but her clothes, pay for music lessons. I could go on.

I love my sister and hate feeling jealous. It's got worse since I've had DC as I can't imagine feeling like I love one more than the other.

Is anyone else in a similar position and if so how do you get over it?

Bitrustyandbusty Tue 04-Apr-17 13:13:13

That's rubbish, sorry. I can relate, sadly, as I am the least favoured of three, and always have been. All the love and help goes to the youngest, eldest is treated neutrally at least and I get all the leftover negatives. Joyful. It has taken me many years to realise that it is not my sisters' fault. Disengage as far as possible, it's the only way. Good luck.

LucyLocketLostIt Tue 04-Apr-17 13:24:13

That's terrible of your parents to show favouritism like that. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Have you ever brought it up with them?

LucyLocketLostIt Tue 04-Apr-17 13:26:14

Just want to add that you are not less worthy of their love than your sister. I think it's terrible behaviour on their part and no reflection on you.

plainjanine Tue 04-Apr-17 14:57:44

I have a sister. She was my mother's favourite and I was my father's. My sister loved my father, but I have little respect for him. My mother outlived him by 20 years, and I was always made to feel second best, despite doing far more for her when she was on her own. Her first question whenever I saw her was "where's <sister>?" It still makes me feel bad.

I understand the anger, the sense of injustice, the feeling of being not good enough. I, too, don't know how to get over it. I don't really deal with it, I try not to think about it too much. I don't blame my sister for any of it, but we aren't all that close.

Sorry, this is a bit of a rambling sympathy hand-hold, but not much actual help, OP.

MsStricty Tue 04-Apr-17 16:20:36

Yes. I was - though the favouring didn't have a financial component; it was emotional and psychological.

Although I have had to work through a lot - and still continue to do so - it gave me one profound gift when I could finally recognise it: freedom.

I had less to live up to; my lack of popularity meant I had a lot less to lose, and less of a sense of obligation. I was the black sheep, and that helped me to embrace an individuality separate from their expectations.

JK1773 Tue 04-Apr-17 20:41:19

I am going to throw a spanner in the works here and it's just another point of view. My DS cast herself in the role of black sheep years ago and she's full of totally unjustified rage mainly at me. She's all but cut off our parents and hasn't spoken to me for about 2 years. Our parents haven't favoured anyone but her perception is that they have. To be honest they've probably done more for her over the years than anyone else but she can't see it at all. The result is that everyone is on eggshells when she's around because of her anger and our DPs and her DSiblings are devastated. My DPs always thought we were a close family and have always done their very best for all of us and we had a great childhood. My DSs issues with me are in her head, but she's absolutely unwavering in her perception that I'm favoured and any challenge to that leads to venom and rage. I can't reason with it. It's very sad for me. Don't lose your DS. It's devastating

LucieLucie Tue 04-Apr-17 21:43:24

I could have written your post op except in the older one, was prettier, more popular etc. Mum always favoured her and believed all her lies against me.

I've gone no contact again with my sis and very low contact with my mum.

You can't choose your family but you can choose not to have them affecting your life in a negative way any more.

It's shit. Is your sister single?
My family seem to think cos I'm married I don't need any support/help/inclusion

Fortheloveofdog Tue 04-Apr-17 23:31:48

I feel like you, OP. Both siblings are the favourites, given free shares in the family business, and spoilt beyond belief. They have everything paid for, to the point of the ridiculous. I have struggled and I'm getting there slowly, but the favouritism has continued with the GC too and that kills me. Never looked after mine, even when I was ill. Can't babysit enough for the other GC though. It's heart breaking.

Destinysdaughter Tue 04-Apr-17 23:38:51

Yes was the black sheep and the 'stupid' one. Youngest of 3 sisters. Oldest was deputy head girl of my school and went to Oxford Uni. Middle went to grammar school, then studied French at a good Uni. I was an accident and parents couldn't really be arsed with me. Dad told me when I was 15, I'd 'never be anything better than a schoolgirl in Woolworths'. It hurts to not feel loved or be believed in.

KindleBueno Tue 04-Apr-17 23:41:12

Yes but I console myself that it's not me that gets daily whining phone calls that are full of shite grin

featherland Tue 04-Apr-17 23:51:20

Thank you all for your replies and I'm sorry for not coming back to this thread earlier. I had to cover a shift at work.

It's comforting to hear I'm not alone but I'm sorry for everyone else's experiences.

lucy I have tried to bring it up, but not recently. We get on ok at the moment but are not close. I would love to be closer so am scared of rocking the boat. I don't want my DC to pick up on my jealousy and bad feelings and want them to have a good relationship with their grandparents ... But when I see that written down it does look like I'm being a bit of a doormat.

featherland Tue 04-Apr-17 23:54:52

fortheloveofdog oh my goodness that is exactly how it is for me. It kills me when they favour my neices over my children too.

Fishface77 Tue 04-Apr-17 23:55:30

Your parents are cunts op sorry.
Do you love them because they are your parents and you have to or because you think they are great people whose company you enjoy?
I would reduce contact dramatically and if they ask why I would tell them.
I don't know
If you have kids but I'd make sure this doesn't affect them. The last thing you'd want (imo) is them treating your kids and dsis kids differently.

Fishface77 Tue 04-Apr-17 23:55:59

Cross posts op sorry flowers

featherland Tue 04-Apr-17 23:57:27

jk I have often wondered whether I'm being over dramatic. Whether it's all in my head. But dh says he can see it, and even my sister says it's unfair but I think she thinks it's funny. I feel like my parents love me but don't like me and they can't really help it. It's nobody's fault but it's very hurtful.

I'm very sorry for your situation. It must be awful.

featherland Wed 05-Apr-17 00:04:00

fish yeah - I had a lot less contact with them before DC, which was so much easier! But now I don't want DC to lose out on grandparents (dh's parents live in Asia so only visit a couple of times a year). Also, my kids are amazing!! So I want my parents to see that too ..

Gah. Maybe I'm just trying to impress them even though they will never be impressed sad

Teabagtits Wed 05-Apr-17 00:06:36

OP I'm not the favourite child either. My mum wanted an outgoing Neurotypical party girl daughter/best friend and was landed with me. My brother on the other hand is mr perfect and can do no wrong despite constantly taking money from my mum and taking her car for long periods of time (she's very rural highlands he's capital city centre) because he won't buy his own.

Forgottenshore Wed 05-Apr-17 01:34:40

Yep I'm least favourite out of 4. Not included in anything parents or siblings do together. Only invited to one sister's events, birthdays etc. Was in hospital for tests today and no-one has been in touch to see how they went (and yes they did know it was today). Feel totally excluded and very sad about it all. Families can be awful.

And mustn't forget that the other grandkids are so much better, smarter and more wonderful than my dc. I mean the sun actually does shine out of their backsides. Anything mine can do theirs can do better. Sorry sound bitter there but my dc don't get credit for anything they do.

I try to let things go, but it is very hard, and I'm thinking about going NC with two of my siblings cos I've had enough.

Think that's enough of a rant for now. flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now