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please give me your opinion because i am lost with DH behavior

(65 Posts)
user1491244207 Mon 03-Apr-17 19:53:24

Hello. Since i met my DH he is progressively makes me feel that i have to loose every part of myself in order to satisfy him and if i ever talk against he will always go into a rage or sulky mood and make me feel terribly guilty. please need a clear perspective of whats right and wrong because i literally can not think clear anymore.
When i met him everything was great. He is loyal ,caring(or so i though , not sure about that anymore )etc
The last week he got very upset with me because i was commenting on a character in a movie, apparently i was trying to insult him through the character because everything the movie hero was doing he would do and if i dont like it it means i dont like him. For the rest of the movie he would comment every few minutes that "i bet you dont like that too" etc
Also i couldn't call him at work but i messaged him instead to let him know. Later at night i fell asleep and wasnt waiting for him to return , that caused a huge argument because apparently i dont care about him anymore, he" doesnt give a shit " if i messaged i should have called and "he wont care about me anymore because he is the only one who tries" Note that he fell asleep many many times and it never bothered me...
Today i asked him for a bit affection and it cause a huge huge argument. He said that he has to be logical about it because i never like any of his responses and asked what he can do. I said, whatever you feel like doing i just need to feel a bit affection. Then somehow it turned it to him and telling me how ungrateful i am , and how he tries despite the fact that i angered him a lot and how nothing works with me and i hurt him. I said well how it all turn about you again , you are selfish because i only asked you for a bit affection and you turn it all on you. Definitely he made me regret saying that. First he started telling me how i dare call him selfish, and where that comes from and no normal person would treat him like that etc. i was kept saying that lets leave it i dont want a problem but he said he wouldnt leave it. I told him that all our argument sis because he takes every little thing as personal attack and that angered him even more. To cut the long story short, he later went into total silence demanding me to apologize for my behavior. When i did he said is not sincere. Concluded as i pushed him him far away, that this week i have been horrible to him and if i can not see it then there is something wrong with me. He said i have to fix it or he is to the point to leave me because he had enough of me. I said i dont know what you want me to fix because i dont think that i did anything "horrible" and went cold and said that he is totally shut down and i pushed him too far this time. Apparently is up to me to fix it or he will leave because he has been trying and i havent. The only things that happened this week is what i describe, my logic tells me that nothing is as horrible as he makes it but he is been like that since the beginning so i am so confused as to whats right and whats not. Please give me your opinions, i am getting depressed by all that

AromatAddict Mon 03-Apr-17 19:56:56

I would see his leaving as a major plus OP.

RandomMess Mon 03-Apr-17 20:00:18

Run for the hills

I am utterly exhausted reading that, how can you bear living it?

RandomMess Mon 03-Apr-17 20:01:22

Please tell me you can see that he is gaslighting you and being abusive?

donners312 Mon 03-Apr-17 20:03:27

Google narcissistic personality disorder - think it might be a lightbulb moment for you.

GreenPeppers Mon 03-Apr-17 20:03:33

You can't fix him. Only he can do that.
And you entirely right that he takes everything very personally. Some would say he is actually quite controlling as it very much feels like you are walking on eggshells all the time, otherwise he blows up.

What does he bring to your life atm?

PovertyPain Mon 03-Apr-17 20:03:46

Oh sweetheart, that arsehole has no intention of leaving you. He's simply trying to panic you to gain even MORE control over you. Please get out of this abusive relationship before he destroys every bit of self worth that you have, until you become a shadow of yourself and a 'slave' to him. That is what he is determined to turn you into, an obedient slave that is too frightened to think for yourself.

Rubyslippers7780 Mon 03-Apr-17 20:05:30

He is saying things like 'fix it' and making everything your responsibility so when he leaves everything is your fault. He is blameless.
He is gaslighting you. Making you stressed and anxious. Making you think you are ' doing everything wrong.
He is an arse.
Time to draw time on this.
He is making you doubt everything.
Get rid before he destroys your self esteem.

lazytuesday Mon 03-Apr-17 20:06:10

hes majorly gaslighting you. Run for the hills. Honestly please leave him.

user1491244207 Mon 03-Apr-17 20:07:37

@RandomMess I honestly feel that i have lost any sense to whats normal and whats not. He has a way to make everything about him and make me feeling guilty for everything. Anything that i dare to say that he perceives wrong he will make me pay for it by causing this sort of situations. It is so draining that i feel lost

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Mon 03-Apr-17 20:09:36

Go look for a case now and help him pack.

CashelGirl Mon 03-Apr-17 20:10:29

Pack his bags, tell him he is right., he is much too good for you and you don't deserve to be in his company any a second longer. Gets his keys back, shut the door and heave a huge sigh of relief. You life will be so much better the second he is out of it.

tiktok Mon 03-Apr-17 20:11:32

He's horrible to you. It's not in your head. He is deeply, deeply unpleasant. The thing about the movie character is utterly crackers - but also cruel , bitter and undermining. It's not you - it's him.

user1491244207 Mon 03-Apr-17 20:12:44

Thank you all so much for the replies, it helps me so much to read that it isnt me the problem .If i think logically I know it that i am not but having someone keep telling you that its all your fault and how much you hurt him and how horrible you are , it does affect you at the end.

RandomMess Mon 03-Apr-17 20:13:07

I don't care why he is like that but it's not healthy or good for you.

Can you leave? Do you have DC?

Gallavich Mon 03-Apr-17 20:14:53

He's emotionally abusing you. You'll never have a happy life if you stay with him.

Bluntness100 Mon 03-Apr-17 20:15:37

He sounds deranged, send him on his way op.

Seeingadistance Mon 03-Apr-17 20:16:02

He sounds awful - cruel and manipulative.

Say to him that he's right. He should leave. Now.

Then get the locks changes, and relax!

8FencingWire Mon 03-Apr-17 20:17:02

Jeez, send the fucker packing, now! It's abuse and he's messing with your head.

MycatsaPirate Mon 03-Apr-17 20:20:39

Leave. Just leave.

He's grinding you into the ground emotionally. Don't put up with this. It is not normal.

Sylvannas Mon 03-Apr-17 20:24:57

After a situation like that I would seriously consider chopping off his balls and boiling them.
It's sooooo not okay for him to treat you like that!
Don't stand for it. Tell him to stop acting like an entitled little man child or else you will be the one who's 'had enough'

I hope it all gets sorted OP flowers

Fooshufflewickbannanapants Mon 03-Apr-17 20:25:37

He sounds vile. What a turd of a man (and I use an loosely) and you would be much better off without him. That's my opinion for what it's worth.
Pound to a penny you will start feeling happier and healthier all round without him there.

Ltb and take care of yourself

BerylStreep Mon 03-Apr-17 20:29:49

I agree with everyone else.

What about practicalities? Do you have DC? What about your home - is it owned or rented? Whose name on the mortgage / lease? Do you have an income?

He is completely abusing you and throwing so much shit around that you don't know what way is up.

VestalVirgin Mon 03-Apr-17 20:30:51

I'd try telling him that he won't leave, so often that he feels compelled to leave just to prove you wrong.
It's probably less of a hassle if he leaves and thinks it was his idea than when you have to get him to leave.

But then, he's a manipulator and might see through it.

Think of a good way to get rid of him, then do get rid of him.

SingingSilver Mon 03-Apr-17 20:30:53

My opinion is - LEAVE! This guy is gaslighting the fuck out of you. He's messing with your mental health. And you can't change his behaviour.

You either stay, and constantly second guess yourself and wait to find out whether you made the right choices today (Spoiler - you will never be able to do that, these men shift the goalposts to suit themselves. Getting to emotionally abuse you is the whole point.) Or you accept that you deserve so much better than this. If you want to talk through your exit options, we're here.

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