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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Trips away

42 replies

Lovelilies · 03/04/2017 19:33

Would you say it is reasonable for one person in a couple (with young DCs) to travel to India and Australia on different trips at least once a year, without his/her partner or kids?
It is to visit relatives.
Just wondering if IBU?

OP posts:

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Msqueen33 · 03/04/2017 19:36

Suppose it depends if your partner is happy. And if they also get a bit of free time. I took the kids to Spain and my dh had five days to himself. But I didn't get anything back.

If my dh asked me if he could I'd probably say no to be honest but we have kids with additional needs so it's not as simple.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 03/04/2017 19:42

If finances allowed - with enough to allow those left at home to have a holiday too!! And childcare wasn't an issue for the dp left behind!!

Lovelilies · 03/04/2017 20:03

I'm the one who'd be left behind. Finances wouldn't allow a separate holiday for me with or without kids, and I'd need to take annual leave to cover the childcare while DP was away.

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GiGiraffe · 03/04/2017 20:08

My DH does this every other year as his family lives far. far away - I am happy for him to go. In fairness if we all could afford to go we would but he needs to see his family.

Msqueen33 · 03/04/2017 20:12

So he wants to go to India and Australia every year? And you'd use annual leave to cover the kids and wouldn't be able to afford a holiday? Is that right?

8FencingWire · 03/04/2017 20:13

I have always taken trips just me, or me and my DD to go home. Once or twice a year. ExH hated being surrounded by my relatives and not understanding the language and always acted like a petulant child, competing for my attention.
Sometimes I had to go on my own at short notice. He had to cope.

What's your feeling about this op? Do you think he's having a lovely child free holiday whilst the rest of you sacrifice yourselves?

Lovelilies · 03/04/2017 20:14

The family in India are aunts uncles and cousins. He was born and grew up here in the UK, travelled to see them every few years frowning up.
The one in Australia is his DBro, who I can't stand, and his wife and their new baby. We all went there for the wedding in 2015.

OP posts:

Lovelilies · 03/04/2017 20:15

I personally don't think it's fair, but wanted to see if I am BU.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 03/04/2017 20:19

I don't think it's fair at all! So your holidays are spent looking after your kids on your own, while his are spent gallivanting around the world? No way!

ImperialBlether · 03/04/2017 20:20

OP, how many holidays has your family had since your first child was born and how many holidays has he had on his own?

Lovelilies · 03/04/2017 20:24

It's a bit complicated Imperial as we aren't currently living together. I'm planning on moving back in with him very soon, he had promised 'our family comes first' but tonight he sprang it on me 'would you mind if I had to go to India to see an uncle, and to Oz to see DBro?'
I asked how often he was thinking of doing this and he has said 'not very often' probably no more than once or twice a year.
Since our 1st was born he's been away alone 4 or 5 times, and we've been away 3 times as a family.

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ijustwannadance · 03/04/2017 20:24

I don't think it's bloody fair either! Especially as you have to use your own leave to cover him going and then no money for a break for you.

Lovelilies · 03/04/2017 20:27

I've not give him my opinion yet, I'm wondering how to word it so I don't come across as childish.
His argument will be that if I had family all over, he'd be happy for me to go and visit just the same as he is. But I don't 😒

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ijustwannadance · 03/04/2017 20:30

Going to Aus twice a year when you have a young family is a pisstake.

It's what skype is for.

ImperialBlether · 03/04/2017 20:39

Are the children his?

Lovelilies · 03/04/2017 20:48

Eldest (11) is mine, And we have a 3 yo and 9m old together.

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TheNaze73 · 03/04/2017 20:50

I'm on the fence here. Maybe once a year, rather than twice?

Msqueen33 · 03/04/2017 21:12

Would he be happy to do the same for you? If you said you wanted to visit a relative in Canada?

I can understand his brother but sadly not all of us have the luxury of jetting off to see family once a year. I wouldn't expect my dh to accept it.

Personally I think it's unfair.

Lovelilies · 03/04/2017 21:17

He says so, but it's irrelevant as I'm not bothered about visiting distant relatives, let alone leaving him and the kids at home in order to do it.

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Lovelilies · 03/04/2017 21:18

His brother visits UK about 2-3 times a year, not sure how often he will now they have a baby, but knowing him, he will continue to do as he pleases!

OP posts:

TFPsa · 03/04/2017 21:21

It'd be perfectly ok if we were talking about someone whose kids were old enough to be moderately self sufficient going off to visit elderly parents or something.

But going away for so long to see people who don't need him, leaving behind people who do, including a baby, is absurd.

Msqueen33 · 03/04/2017 21:33

No he's being really unreasonable. Maybe once every few years with you all but not hugely fair leaving you at home with the kids with no holiday for you.

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Lovelilies · 03/04/2017 21:48

His reasoning for not taking is all to India is its too dangerous, plus he goes with his DPs who I can just about rub along with for very short periods, and the rest of the family live in absolute poverty so it's really not suitable for young DCs.

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garlicansapphire · 03/04/2017 22:12

Ex XH travelled a lot with work on long trips - I didn't mind as it was part of his job but when he came home was a bit prickly about him disrupting our routines... maybe if we'd stayed together it might have annoyed me. I will never know.

But since we split I've done quite a bit of travelling myself with my work so it's balanced it out. Though he doesn't care much if it's important exam time (like GCSEs) - I wouldn't go away at such crucial times.

highinthesky · 03/04/2017 22:17

Hang on, you're separated and he wants to take DC to India alone?

Red flag alert. You need your head tested!

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