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I can't carry on like this....

(8 Posts)
vsg1963 Mon 03-Apr-17 17:29:34

Over the last 5 years or so there has been lla downward spiral in my sexlife. I have been rejected a lot. We've been married 10 years (second marriage for both of us). Only my youngest left at home age 21.
DH has been to GP then referred to hospital. His testosterone levels are low but the testosterone replacement therapy has made no difference to his libido. He has had gel and now injections. He doesn't think about sex at all. On the occasions that I have become upset about this he has put in more effort to please me sexually even if we don't have sex, but thus only last for a very short while. He prefers that I don't ask him for sex or try to start anything as he says it puts pressure on him. He says most couples our age don't have sex and makes a joke of the fact that I still need a sex life.Our sex life now is about once a month but even then I feel that he's not really into it.
When I try to talk to him about it he gets defensive and I end up feeling bad. I don't know what to do. I am so unhappy right now and this situation has made me feel less confident about myself and lonely. I feel that life is passing me by. I'm 53. I don't think I can live the rest of my life like this.

Adora10 Mon 03-Apr-17 17:34:12

That's such a shame; I really feel for you OP; you are still young and want a sex life, perfectly normal!

What a horrible position to be in; he clearly has no sex drive and you do so it's shit for both of you I guess.

I am sorry but 53 is not old so he can't expect you to be celibate for the rest of your life; I can only suggest going back to the GP and asking maybe for a counsellor?

user1479305498 Mon 03-Apr-17 17:46:41

Unfortunately I feel like your husband and am 55 and my husband is "you" if you see what I mean. I havent been bothered if Im honest since being around 43 or so-- and I wasnt that bothered before. Its a horrible thing too as its a hard thing to "fake" if you just are no longer into it and the thing is I dont think its just him, I honestly dont think I would be bothered if George Clooney propositioned me.

NotTheFordType Mon 03-Apr-17 18:45:11

So presumably as it's not important to him he'll be happy with you getting your sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere?

(Spoiler: if he says no, dump him)

Flibr Mon 03-Apr-17 18:50:15

I went 12yrs without OP & now I'm divorced. The lack of intimacy ultimately destroyed our marriage & my self esteem with it. I feel your pain.

vsg1963 Mon 03-Apr-17 19:16:10

That's what I'm afraid of Filbr- it's destroying my confidence , and my self esteem. I feel resentment towards him for neglecting me and for disregarding my need for intimacy.

noego Mon 03-Apr-17 19:26:02

Do you want love or just orgasms? orgasms give you bliss for a moment. Love gives you bliss for ever.

vsg1963 Mon 03-Apr-17 19:30:00

Noego This isn't just about sex. However for me sex with my husband is how I feel loved and validated by him.Without it I feel our connection is lost and I feel ugly, worthless and unloved.

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