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Am I being ghosted?

(12 Posts)
user1490359368 Mon 03-Apr-17 14:37:58

How do you know if your being ghosted or if they are having other issues and want some space.

There's this guy we worked in same building when we were teens starting out in placement, he had a major crush on a girl in our department I didn't realise it was actually me I was oblivious to it. Anyway fast forward 15 years we found ourselves on dating site not realising we already knew each other until we were chatting a few weeks. The chemistry between us was intense and we went of a quite a few dates over a few months things progressed and we wanted to take it to the next step, however when it came to it I don't know it if was the build up or the teenage crush becoming a reality it just didn't go anywhere past a awkward fumble. We continued chatting tried again it was worse to the point he walked out anxious. Afterward the space between text become longer and eventually fizzled out completely and never spoke again.

6 more years pass he reconnected with me via social media we have talking for 5 months, I've kept him at arms length guess cautious or because of the bruised ego anyway the past few weeks he's made it clear he wants to start dating so I agreed to a date this weekend, we didn't make 100% firm plans just dates and times continued chatting as normal then blanked he hasn't even opened the last message. There wasn't anything I can put my finger on that would have scared him off or even a subject he would have had to avoid.

I don't know if he run scared as the day of our date was approaching or he's just playing silly pathetic games. I haven't followed up the text by asking if everything ok I'm just going to let him carry on i don't want to be a fool chasing him. I just don't understand how someone can come on so strong then back out without a word. He's left me feeling like s* all over again almost to the point of feeling rejected, he's completely confused me.

Tenshidarkangel Mon 03-Apr-17 14:46:51

I would text again/ ring. Light hearted "hey, just to check if we're still on or not"
If no response after 24- 48 hours or he doesn't call you back assume he's gone. It may just be he's busy but that's not good for your head to be in limbo.
Also after this if he doesn't get back to you don't let this guy back in. It sounds like he may be fucking you round to inflate his own ego.

hesterton Mon 03-Apr-17 14:48:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheldonsSpot Mon 03-Apr-17 14:59:19

If after 21 years he still hasn't got his shit together then this thing, non-relationship, whatever you wish to call it, doesn't have legs.

Seriously, don't waste any more time messaging him, navel gazing, wondering why, contemplating what's wrong with him, what did you do, what could have been different, blah blah.

NeonGod73 Mon 03-Apr-17 15:01:55

Forget it.

PurplePen Mon 03-Apr-17 15:12:47

Yes I think you're along the right lines that he 'needs space'. 20 odd years of space clearly wasn't enough.

Hang in there, he's definitely the man for you. confusedhmm

AndTheBandPlayedOn Mon 03-Apr-17 15:21:15

I just don't understand how someone can come on so strong then back out without a word.

I don't think you really need to understand it. That is all about him though, and not about you. All you need to understand is that this is very disrespectful towards you and boundaries to not put up with this dynamic are completely valid.

This is who he is, you don't need to know anymore in terms of a relationship...ever. Not this week, not in a couple of years, not in ten years.

Be polite and professional at work, but I would be careful there, as well, to not cross boundaries into over familiarity. I'm not sure if a "friend zone" circumstance would be worth bothering with due to his rudeness to you.

Do you know if he may be gay? (I am not saying there is anything wrong with that.) This is completely guessing, but it might explain his actions.

Adora10 Mon 03-Apr-17 15:22:58

Why are you wasting your time on a man that is friggin rude to the point he walked out on you and two, has erection problems; what a waste of time if you carry on chasing this idiot.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Mon 03-Apr-17 15:24:36

Oh, I see you are not connected professionally any more.
Ghost him right back.

Pottedplants Mon 03-Apr-17 15:32:37

Sounds like he likes the 'chase' and the ego boost of contact with you.

if it was me, I'd leave him to it and wouldn't waste any more time or energy on him. I can say with certainty you will hear from him again but this time, ignore him and find somebody who wants to be with you and is committed to being you. People like him will eventually ruin your self esteem. Don't give him the power.

Arealhumanbeing Mon 03-Apr-17 15:42:09

Just to add that I think you will hear from him again.

But it sounds like any further involvement will hurt in the end.

LonginesPrime Mon 03-Apr-17 18:58:04

God no - don't chase him!

If he were interested, you'd know it by now - dragging it out over 21 years is a ghosting and a half!!

He doesn't deserve you so don't go back for more even if he suddenly changes his mind and decides he does want to see you after all (which he may well do when it fizzles out with whomever else he's stringing along..).

In the nicest possible way, OP, have some self-respect and don't waste another second on this loser.

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