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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Should she go no contact?

11 replies

Trulynotaboutme · 03/04/2017 13:28

My SIL has had a really bad few years. She's single with two DCs. Recently she made friends with a lovely guy and they've spent a lot of time together. He's gone through a similarly rough patch and they have a lot in common.

BUT - he's married and has told her all about the problems in his marriage. I've noticed that her mood veers depending whether he and his wife are on or off. She says they are just friends but that they have hugged a lot, and that he's told her that he thinks about her nearly all the time.

This isn't great, is it? I'm concerned about her self esteem as much as anything. I know she won't let anything happen beyond talking and hugs.

But talking and hugs isn't just talking and hugs, is it? I'm no expert! Simple life here. Lucky me (for now, at least - touch wood).

Thoughts?

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Trulynotaboutme · 03/04/2017 13:28

NB I know it's not my business really, but I care about her

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loveyoutothemoon · 03/04/2017 13:43

Sounds like he is very much 'on' with his wife.

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Trulynotaboutme · 03/04/2017 14:03

Do you think? SIL says they never do much as hold hands any more, and she believes him

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TheNaze73 · 03/04/2017 14:19

She must have a kangaroo loose in the top paddock if she believes that bullshit

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Absofrigginlootly · 03/04/2017 15:15

He's married

That's all she needs to know

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HowamIgoingtocope · 03/04/2017 17:21

As a woman who's been cheated on. He told his partner who was the mistress all those things.
She needs out. Full stop he will never ever leave his wife. If he ever did she would be dragged through the mudoor. Believe me I know this to be true as I made sure both of them felt my wrath.... cough makes sure halo is still in place.
One rule if they are married don't touch with a crappy stick and run for the hills.

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Trulynotaboutme · 03/04/2017 19:21

I'm going to talk to her. With wine.

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Absofrigginlootly · 03/04/2017 20:18

Tell her to work on her self respect and stop having an emotional affair with a married man.

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HowamIgoingtocope · 03/04/2017 20:26

I don't think she has no self respect. I think he's talking the talk and taking advantage of a very vulnerable woman. That being said she needs to cut ties.

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Absofrigginlootly · 03/04/2017 20:37

I didn't say she didn't have any self respect, but it can't be very high if she's investing herself emotionally in a relationship with a married man.

She's vulnerable yes, but still responsible for her own actions

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Trulynotaboutme · 04/04/2017 00:10

We chatted a bit tonight. She told me she hadn't contacted him on Messenger tonight, although he messaged her. She said they'd had conversations all evening before his wife got annoyed with it.

And also that he'd been at her house late one night and it turned out his wife didn't know where he was and was very cross when she found out.

I've strongly suggested she go no contact. Also asked if if she'd like me to help her set up an online dating profile, but maybe that's a stupid idea? I've had quite a bit of time on my own and always found it made me quite strong.

She only met him a couple of months ago, less than a month out of a bad relationship