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Female "friend "

(19 Posts)
shineon Mon 03-Apr-17 11:47:32

Ok so I have noticed on my husbands fb page there is this one lady who is constantly on there. Posting memes, liking all his posts. She just seems to be there all the time. I first noticed this month's ago but didn't think too much of it. He tends to be "friends " with lots of randomers relating to a hobby he has. But I noticed a meme she posted recently that may be a little inappropriate. Now it -may-- be. I don't want to say the wording as dont want to identify myself. He reacted but nothing much, just kind of laughed it off. Anyway it got me thinking so I took a look at his phone & there are loads of pms between them going back as far as a year. Before anyone berates me for looking at his phone, phones are communal in our house. Our kids may pick them up to watch YouTube etc or we may pick up eachothes phones if ours aren't to hand. No big deal. Anyway the messages arent anything incriminating just banter, memes etc. But it appears from the messages they see eachother in real life. I think through his job. Again I don't want to give too much away but it would be a kind of client service provider relationship. In fairness a lot of her messages he hasnt replied to. Its making me uncomfortable but do you think this woman just has no sense of boundarys? I think its inappropriate to be messaging a married man. I certainly wouldn't be doing it. Or am I over reacting? I dont know whether to broach the subject with him or leave it. I don't think for a second hes having an affair. But emotional affairs start like this dont they? She knows hes married with kids as he has mentioned us on his page. From what I can gather she is single. Thoughts?

Patriciathestripper1 Mon 03-Apr-17 11:52:43

It's msking you uncomfortable do mention it and see what he says.

FritzDonovan Mon 03-Apr-17 11:59:08

I'd agree it's an inappropriate level of 'friendship' for a work colleague who you know nothing about. I wouldn't be happy with this level of interest on both sides either. And yes, emotional affairs do start like this, but being a man, he probably hasn't even realised you find this inappropriate. Tell him and see what he says. Can you comment on her messages so she knows you are aware of her activities? If she's up to something it may give her pause for thought, if not, no harm done.

user1479305498 Mon 03-Apr-17 12:18:59

Ive got an assistant like this-- who works for me and husband. Was constantly whatsapping at one point. Its all crap but he was responding whereas when she does it with me I ignore her most of the time and dont respond . She too seems to have no sense of boundaries. (single mum with a lot of single male friends) My husband now knows it pees me off a lot and she does to, though I told her in a roundabout kind of way. I honestly think some blokes are quite oblivious as to why it would annoy you even if its all innocent. I dont think many of them "get" emotional affairs etc, if they arent sticking their dick in or out and out flirting big time , its not an affair and poses no threat is how many feel.

HarmlessChap Mon 03-Apr-17 13:05:21

Is it simply a question of gender? If the other person were male would you have an issue with the banter, memes, meeting up?

shineon Mon 03-Apr-17 13:34:43

Yes harmless, I suppose it is a question of gender. I fully admit that. Which is why Im asking, am I being unreasonable

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Mon 03-Apr-17 13:38:37

You say they have met in rl. . Where, how long for and how often would matter to me.. .

lookatmenow Mon 03-Apr-17 13:41:07

I'd just keep replying or acknowledging on her post's so she definately sees that your watching.

fiveohclockandallswell Mon 03-Apr-17 14:08:06

If DH did not want the messages he could stop replying and she would eventually give up. Any reason why he might not have tried that yet?

shineon Mon 03-Apr-17 14:31:32

As far as I can gather she must be a customer of his. Dont want to say the profession but it wouldn't be any kind of thing where they would be alone. He is a very friendly type of person so he probably would have regular customers he would be quite friendly with. I dont ever comment on his fb page & I generally dont "intrude" on it all as feel its his space but this person has been very noticeable to me

shineon Mon 03-Apr-17 14:32:47

I also feel it may be seen as unprofessional to have this kind of contact with a customer

fiveohclockandallswell Mon 03-Apr-17 14:42:28

Tell him what you think. You're unhappy and want it to stop - if he cares about you he will do as you ask. YANBU.

Thinkingofausername1 Mon 03-Apr-17 14:45:58

I think it's unprofessional to add her on Facebook if he knew what she is like. I think we tend to be a bit harsh towards single mums whereas most of the threads on here are married w/m having affairs.
I think you need to invite her round for drinks or something, see how they are around each other

shineon Mon 03-Apr-17 14:54:57

I have no idea who she is! He has never mentioned her

shineon Mon 03-Apr-17 14:56:36

And I don't know that he added her, she may have added him. He regularly accepts requests from people he doesn't know. Looking at her profile they are from the same home town so they may know eachother from that

mumofthemonsters808 Mon 03-Apr-17 15:16:49

There will be nothing to it, my friend gets her kicks commenting on married mens Facebook posts. Sometimes inappropriately, I've seen some of her comments and cringe for her, but in her eyes, it's a bit of friendly banter.The middle aged men seem to like her attention and having their ego stroked.She even wishes their kids Happy Birthday when she doesn't know the kids, likes pictures of their Wifes when she's never met them.Its not something I do or approve of, but it's her thing, she does receive Pms from them too, which I'd be uncomfortable about, but for her, they are her male friends who she enjoys chatting to. When I mention their Wife's feelings, she just laughs, it's as though she likes winding them up.

shineon Mon 03-Apr-17 16:14:01

I would be happy for the private messages to stop. I dont need him to unfriend her. I just dont like the whole "private" thing. Is that reasonable? He does have female friends who I have no issue with texts etc. But I think because I know them. They are people in our lives. This person has never been mentioned before.

user1479305498 Mon 03-Apr-17 16:35:15

Yes I agree with you shineon. Just tell him you would like that to stop, his reaction should tell you all you need to know.

pudding21 Mon 03-Apr-17 16:49:52

I have a lot of banter/ conversations with people I meet through work on Facebook, its a job I need to use social media for (in fact most of our business is now generated through social media), although I have a personal one and a work one (this is because essentially the people I am dealing with are professionals and I am likewise, so I keep my personal stuff just for family and friends). In some jobs you build up relationships with, in order to keep that job going if you know what I mean.

I would just be wary of asking it to stop, you might push it to becoming secret (a forbidden fruit) and then it develops from there. If he leaves his phone for you to pick it up, and you've seen the messages there is obviously no intent. I don't see an issue with it personally. It would not bother me at all.

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