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So, can we define what makes a "wonderful father"

(61 Posts)
Rainbowqueeen Mon 03-Apr-17 00:09:47

Feeling really sad to read all these threads talking about how their DH is a "wonderful father' when he is nothing of the kind.

Can we come up with a definition of what a wonderful father actually is?

Dadaist Thu 06-Apr-17 12:12:46

Well there could be a list of adjectives coming, ...

but for me,, it's the fathers who are definitely definitely really genuinely trying. We all fuck up now and then. But if your heart is in it, you learn and improve.( I'm gonna be perfect dad by the time they leave home!) Lol

expatinscotland Thu 06-Apr-17 12:14:04

Pays for his kids, isn't an abusive cunt to them or their mother.

knackeredinyorkshire Thu 06-Apr-17 12:14:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaxingJump Thu 06-Apr-17 12:16:11

A wonderful father is one who does his best, puts both the kids and the mother of his children first.

Fruitcocktail6 Thu 06-Apr-17 12:16:13

Couldn't agree more, it's a phrase used very loosely on MN. Sometimes I think it means anyone who hasn't walked out on their kids/family.

At the very least they are not an abusive cheater.

JaxingJump Thu 06-Apr-17 12:16:43

Expat, that's a pretty low bar.

knackeredinyorkshire Thu 06-Apr-17 12:19:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElspethFlashman Thu 06-Apr-17 12:19:37

A wonderful father is someone who does as much parenting when not in work as the mother does.

A father who spends all Saturday doing his "hobby" is not a wonderful father, for example.

Booboo27 Thu 06-Apr-17 12:20:32

I also think it's a term used far too loosely. And I also think no parent is completely wonderful as everyone has their individual flaws and is learning.
I don't have kids, but if I ever do then I would hope my partner would do anything to make them feel secure and happy. Be playful but also teach them right from wrong. Have some authority over them without resorting to aggression of any kind. Talk to them and listen to everything they have to say back.
Show them love and affection. Never take their personal problems out on the kids such as a stressful day at work. And finally to be a good role model and teach them about hard work, being kind to others and enjoying life.

expatinscotland Thu 06-Apr-17 12:22:00

'Expat, that's a pretty low bar.'

Oh, believe me, mine's pretty high.

RubyWinterstorm Thu 06-Apr-17 12:23:09

a "wonderful father" does everything a slightly crappy mum does.

but because he is a man, he is wonderful! (never forgets his kids' birthdays! sometimes packs their lunch! takes them swimming!)

JaxingJump Thu 06-Apr-17 12:24:02

You can't be a wonderful father whilst being a cunt if a husband. Being a wonderful father is dependent on being a good role model.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe Thu 06-Apr-17 12:24:30

My OH is an actual wonderful father, he's a good blueprint. Works hard to provide for his children, but also does all the other stuff: baths them, plays with them, gets up in the night with sick children, helps with homework, changes nappies, cooks and feeds them. Involved with their minutiae, knows what they like and who their friends are. Enjoys their company and seeks it out.
Loves and supports their mother. Thats a wonderful father.

Emboo19 Thu 06-Apr-17 12:28:02

I really struggle with this! I wouldn't class my dad as a wonderful father, I think he was a bit too selfish. But I was very loved and encouraged to be myself.

I can't describe my boyfriend as a wonderful father, yet! He really didn't want a child and really struggled at first, and I still feel let down by him for it. Now he's really trying though and I can't think of anything else he could do to be a good dad. He works long hours but still, he does bath and bed time almost every night, sits and reads to dd, plays with her, takes her swimming every Sunday, dresses and changes her, pulls his weight with household chores, treats me very well and puts us first, so is setting a good example of a partner for dd.

Bottlesoflove Thu 06-Apr-17 12:30:25

"My OH is an actual wonderful father, he's a good blueprint. Works hard to provide for his children, but also does all the other stuff: baths them, plays with them, gets up in the night with sick children, helps with homework, changes nappies, cooks and feeds them. Involved with their minutiae, knows what they like and who their friends are. Enjoys their company and seeks it out.
Loves and supports their mother. Thats a wonderful father."

So basically the equivalent of an average mum. I do all those things for dd, and I can't recall anyone ever calling me a "wonderful" mother. It largely just passes without comment. In fact, I think a lot of people may think I am a slightly shit mother as I work full time, so rarely at the school gates etc.

RJnomore1 Thu 06-Apr-17 12:31:01

This thread is so needed!

I'd say someone who is actively involved and interested in his children's lives, spends time with them and has a good relationship with them, listens to their problems and applauds their triumphs, and models good care of other important people in their life to them - his partner and himself included.

Renaissance2017 Thu 06-Apr-17 12:31:26

It's Mumsnet. Whatever a guy does here is wrong. Whatever a woman does wrong is excusable.

HecateAntaia Thu 06-Apr-17 12:33:22

define a wonderful mother. erase the word mother and write father.
that.
😁

not that i really buy the whole Wonderful Parent thing but certainly a barely functioning father should not be called wondercul because one time in 2007 he woke up at 730 and tucked his kid back into bed.
and the whole 'hes a wonderful dad' thing should be challenged because you just know that the list of things that make him Wonderful will be a list of the complete basics a child has the absolute right to expect from a parent and probably not a complete list at that

women must stop saying he yells , pushes, does drugs, threatens me, hit me, takes money and leaves us with no food but he's a wonderful father
why?
well erm because he gave the kid a hug the other day and watches tv with them and we all played monopoly on tuesday and a whole load of depressingly basic and unimpressively small, basic and normal things.

standards are low when it comes to Wonderful Father.

junebirthdaygirl Thu 06-Apr-17 12:33:48

Think first thing is stability. So committed to relationship. Committed to dc. I know you can be a good single father too but thats the ideal. Then involved interested and hands on. And l dont agree that a father following his hobby all day saturday isnt a good father as could be brilliant the rest of the time. I know some men who are sport coaches so busy on saturdays but great dads.
Also its important that there is not much alcohol involved. Some is fine obviously but too much rules you out.
My main things from my dad were constant presence. ..steady guy...protective of my mum who could be a handful and family first attitude.

CMamaof4 Thu 06-Apr-17 12:33:55

How do u know these fathers aren't wonderful fathers? Do u know everyone personally on mumsnet rainbow? confused

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe Thu 06-Apr-17 12:35:58

So basically the equivalent of an average mum. I do all those things for dd, and I can't recall anyone ever calling me a "wonderful" mother

I call my OH a wonderful father, he calls me a wonderful mother. We both do the same things. I don't recall anyone else ever having an opinion on either of us, but why would they?

Lweji Thu 06-Apr-17 12:36:16

Normal father, rather wink

Feeds children
Dresses children
Ensures children do their best at school
Opens children's minds to things other than school
Teaches children values by example
Listens to children
Talks to children
Treats children with love and respect
Keeps his promises
Supports his children when they need
Disciplines the children when they need.
Treats their mother with respect

happystory Thu 06-Apr-17 12:36:17

Be there for them not matter what. Dd in particular has had some tough times and dh has dropped everything to make sure she is alright.

Esoteric Thu 06-Apr-17 12:36:27

I would say to some extent, its a very flexible term. Personally iw ould say my first husband was a fantastic father but a crap husband to some extent to me --so I do believe its possible to be both. The fact he was selfish to me , thought more of football and mates etc doesnt mean he wasnt amazing with the boys and has always been so--indeed they remained with him by mutual decision. .

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