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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

You were right- it's an OW

60 replies

Sukistjames · 02/04/2017 22:23

I posted in November about my husband leaving me suddenly. You all said it would be for OW. Tonight he's admitted it.

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Heartbroken47 · 02/04/2017 22:27

So sorry to hear that
How are you doing?

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FritzDonovan · 02/04/2017 22:39

Not content with cheating and leaving, he lied about it so he didn't look like the spineless, dishonest bastard he actually is. I hope you let him know how morally bankrupt that makes him. The more I read on MN, the more I wonder if it's automatic for (mostly) men to lie to try and convince themselves they're not as crap as they obviously are. Shame they still behave like shits even when they know it's wrong.

Hope you are doing as well as can be expected OP, you are on track for a better life without this loser. Hopefully karma will kick his and OW'S butt somewhere down the line.

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Sukistjames · 02/04/2017 23:23

I feel like he's broken me all over again. I can't believe he's done this to me, to the children. He had the DC this weekend and they've all been out together. DC don't know they're together.

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MyheartbelongstoG · 02/04/2017 23:25

You poor thing op, its a horrible feeling but at least now you know the truth.

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Holland00 · 02/04/2017 23:25

I didn't see your original thread, but do feel for you.
Horrible position to be in, spineless git.
Do you have support?

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Sukistjames · 02/04/2017 23:34

I have my wonderful family and a good friend to talk to. Although DM is trying to be supportive, she's not helping with the things she's saying. She means well though. I wouldn't have got through the past few months without her.

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flamingnoravera · 03/04/2017 00:14

It's fucking shit, he lies, he leaves, you start to pick yourself up then he coughs up the truth and you are back in the awfulness of the pain again.
My exh did that to me, drip drip drip- the final one was "oh and she's pregnant".

I really feel for you, hold onto the certainty that you will feel better and you will have a good life free of that nasty piece of work. It takes time and you will get there. Rant here, do ice maiden with him. Be sugar plum fairy with your children.

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7feathers · 03/04/2017 14:01

OK. Positive thinking alert. You can now put this behind you. Try to tell yourself that this isn't a 'back to square one' although it may seem like it is. It's triggered the past wounds for you but you did the hard stuff in November.

Try to be kind and know that this will pass.

Sending

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Thinkingofausername1 · 03/04/2017 14:47

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/04/2017 14:53

Missed your original thread but sorry to read this, it must be a body blow. I am glad you have good family support and friends to share this with.

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Sukistjames · 03/04/2017 19:57

A body blow is correct. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach again. It came out because I was worried about the DC having overnights in his house share. A police officer friend suggested I check using Sarah's law to put my mind at rest. He thinks I am unreasonable to make such a check.

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Sukistjames · 03/04/2017 19:58

My patience with DC is thin. Older DC asked why I'm sad.

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Sukistjames · 03/04/2017 20:00

At the beginning I didn't believe you all when you said OW. Then I started to think there must be. I can't believe it still. I keep picturing them all playing happy families at the weekend with my DC, of the two of them laughing about me, about how stupid I am.

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hahahaIdontgetit · 03/04/2017 20:05

They won't be laughing I'm sure. They should be shitting themselves at what impact this knowledge is going to have.

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thatdearoctopus · 03/04/2017 20:08

So, do you think this OW was on the scene from Day One then?

I'm so sorry. I remember your original thread. Of course you're not stupid; you were in love with your husband and he lied to you in the worst way. He is the bastard here, and if he and his OW are laughing at you, then they're even worse than the worst you could have thought.

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thatdearoctopus · 03/04/2017 20:10

And I know that the decent thing is to put the kids first and promote their right to a good relationship with their father but, my God, wouldn't you just love to shit on their parade and play as awkward as you can possibly be and forbid it.

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SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 03/04/2017 20:14

Really try hard not to picture it. At all. Comparison is the thief of joy and don't let him fuck up your life-rebuilding with ideas of what 'they' might be like. You have no idea, and it'll only cause you upset trying to imagine it.

You are honourable, strong, and you've come so far because you're processing everything truthfully. His bad choices don't define you any more.

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SingingSilver · 03/04/2017 20:33

OK, so that's why he chose a house share. He's either spending nights at her house, or they're planning to get a place together so he's saving.

What a cock.

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purplecoathanger · 03/04/2017 20:36

So sorry to read this OP. Your ex is an arse.

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Sukistjames · 03/04/2017 20:38

No, it's not a house share, he's living with her.

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thatdearoctopus · 03/04/2017 20:39

Does he know that you know?

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Sukistjames · 03/04/2017 20:40

What do I do now? He wants to discuss our separation and finances, so far he's still been paying all his share of the household bills. This is going to change now, isn't it? Is it wrong of me, to refuse overnights until, I have assured our DCs safety. I'd feel like a tit backing down now.

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Sukistjames · 03/04/2017 20:42

He knows that I know. I Calle shim out on the bullshit he's fed me over the past few months, he's told me the truth, or a least some version of it. Says it didn't happen until he left, but he moved into the 'house share' (what a joke!) 8 weeks after he walked out, which suggested it was gong on before. At least an EA I think.

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Sukistjames · 03/04/2017 20:42

Called him out!

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Hermonie2016 · 03/04/2017 20:43

I really feel for you.This is not about you despite the overwhelming feeling of rejection

Life with your dc will not be blissful..it will actually cause strain on their relationship as the novelty will wear off.

So now your fears have been confronted it won't get much worse.This is your rock bottom..from here you can start to heal.It will be slow but each day will get easier.

It's so depressing to hear of yet another husband and father walk out for selfish reasons.

Was your mil aware of ow?