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Friend issue

(10 Posts)
HermioneRuby1 Sun 02-Apr-17 18:41:42

A friend has recently become distant and odd with me and it turns out has been confiding another friend that she's begun an affair and telling said friend not to tell me.
Not sure if it's because she thinks I will judge her or because she's embarrassed or because I know her husband and kids. I'm not bothered about the affair (not that I condone it I don't) it's none of my business but I'm upset with how she's being with, not responding to messages, dashing off when I bump into her, excluding me & asking close friends to keep things from me. She doesn't know I know and I can't say anything without dropping the other friend in it. I don't want to loose her as a friend; though feels like I already have. Maybe it's time I backed off and left her to it and if she needs me she knows where I am. sad

ZiggyForever Sun 02-Apr-17 18:50:03

She's probably completely ashamed of herself - rightly so!

Yes, leave her to it, I'd say.

Sorry it's hurting you, though flowers

nonameinspiration Sun 02-Apr-17 18:54:00

One of my best fridges had an affair. She went weird and cold with everyone but I thought it was me for a long time

HecateAntaia Sun 02-Apr-17 18:54:21

do you know who she is having the affair with?

Knittedfrog Sun 02-Apr-17 18:54:39

She's worried about your reaction and doesn't want to ruin your friendship.
I've been best friends with someone since we were kids and she had a 15 year affair and never told me because she was scared of my reaction.

NSEA Sun 02-Apr-17 18:56:40

@noname "best fridge" should be cold.

Do you know he person she's having an affair with maybe?

HermioneRuby1 Sun 02-Apr-17 19:20:57

I know of him but not to talk to. It's just awkward as I'm not meant to know & sad as I thought she was more of a friend x

HermioneRuby1 Sun 02-Apr-17 19:22:43

Also if she doesn't want to ruin the friendship she's not going about it very well

HoneyBeeMum1 Sun 02-Apr-17 19:32:59

Her behaviour does not suggest that she is concerned about ruining your friendship.

It sounds more like a defensive reaction because she expects you to be hurt or angry about her affair. You might consider the possibility that she deliberately confided in this particular person, because she wanted the story to get back to you.

Is it possible that she is having an affair with someone close to you, that would cause you to be particularly hurt or angry with her?

HermioneRuby1 Sun 02-Apr-17 19:50:03

Honeybee it's possible she confided in my other friend knowing it would get back to me yes, it's likely she thinks I'll judge her. The man is not someone I'm close to, he's nobody to me at all to be fair and though I know her husband despite the fact I don't agree with what she's doing I thought she was more of a friend and I care about her. Clearly she isn't all that bothered sad

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