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Think DH might be depressed?

(5 Posts)
HLBug Sun 02-Apr-17 17:56:40

Please be gentle with me - I'm 37 weeks pregnant with DC2. DS is nearly 3. Emotions are all over the place. Sorry, also, that this may be a bit long...

DH and I have been together for 10 years, married for 5. The last 2-3 years have been tough and I think he has been / is depressed but he refuses to get any help.

He is a worrier and there always needs to be some 'issue' for him to focus on. Recent examples include noisy neighbours, not enjoying his job and, most recently, DS constipation issues. All fairly stressful things - but not the end of the world.

I love him very much but have, in the past, admitted to close friends that I wasn't sure we'd still be together if we hadn't had DS. I don't know if he is the same person anymore, and I don't know if that's because he's maybe depressed, or if we've just grown up to become different people.

I'm a fairly happy person. Always look for the positives and think about 'Plan B' when things go wrong. Some things do annoy/upset me, but I look at the bigger picture and try not to obsess about things I don't have control over. He really does drag me down at times, and I do feel like I walk on egg shells around him when he's in one of his moods.

Today has been bad and I'm just not looking forward to bringing a newborn baby into a house / our lives when he's always so worked up and stressed about such little things. I remember the newborn days being tough with DS, and I'm worried about how he will cope. Today he's sworn in front of DS twice, talked to me like a piece of shit and asked me 'what I have to cry about' when I got upset.

Another thing is that he never says sorry. Ever. He thinks you only have to say sorry when you 'meant' to do something wrong, not how your actions have impacted on someone else. So if he didn't 'mean' to upset me, in his head he doesn't have to apologise. This really winds me up.

Can anyone offer a hand hold? I genuinely think he needs to speak to someone about why life is such a hardship for him. But he won't - which is a bit ironic as he's a bit of a hypochondriac. Sigh. I don't know what to do anymore. Life isn't fun at the moment. Thanks for reading if you got this far!

HLBug Sun 02-Apr-17 19:30:37

Hopeful bump?

BlueBlueSkies Sun 02-Apr-17 19:51:59

My exh could be like this. He would be down about everything, throw a tantrum literally over spilt milk. He got worse the more kids we had. He did see his doctor and she referred him for therapy and anti depressants. It took a lot to get him there, I think it was something medical and then he opened up at the appointment.

There is a charity called CALM, they focus on depression in men. Have a look at their site and see if they can help you both. CALM

HLBug Sun 02-Apr-17 20:19:42

Thanks Blue - I'll have look.

AtrociousCircumstance Sun 02-Apr-17 23:26:23

This is so tough for you, especially being so heavily pregnant. Do you think he is worrying about the baby, lack of sleep etc? My DH told me recently that when I was about to have DC2 he would cry privately sometimes because he felt overwhelmed (we were also desperately househunting when I was nearly due, it was an intense time). To his credit he hid it from me, knowing how scared I was of giving birth for the second time (traumatic first labour).

It sounds like your H isn't putting you first enough but perhaps he is lost in a depressive mood spiral and can't see anyone else's needs. Very hard for you.

Therapy is a great idea as PP said. Could he also focus on some positive change, such as looking for a new job?

flowers for you. You're coping with a lot.

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