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Did your dad never tell you he loved you or that you were beautiful?

(223 Posts)
mackerelle Sun 02-Apr-17 11:17:19

Assuming you have/had a dad who was around for your entire childhood, did yours never tell you that you were beautiful or that he loved you?
Mine didn't and I don't know how normal that is.
Everything I read about dads says that these 2 things are the most important things a dad can do.

Not a single person told me I looked beautiful on my wedding day either, not even my dad who walked me down the aisle. I'm no great looker but I'm not a troll, you'd think someone would have said that even if they didn't really mean it.

Anyway, that's an aside, but does anyone else have a dad like mine? Is it normal? I know he's emotionally unavailable, but is it just a British stiff upper lip thing?

Monkeypuzzle32 Sun 02-Apr-17 11:19:00

mine never said it either.

Destinysdaughter Sun 02-Apr-17 11:20:33

No never. Was v good at criticizing tho!

Itaintme Sun 02-Apr-17 11:20:43

Mine never did.

TealStar Sun 02-Apr-17 11:21:57

No. Only on my wedding day, in his speech has he said I looked lovely. Since then he has said I'm a lovely looking woman but never while growing up. I think he said he loved me but tbh I don't really remember him doing so. He's a nicer dad now than he was then. He was very distant throughout my childhood; he was stressed and worked away a lot. Thankfully dh is a wonderful dad, the best two daughters could have really, and I almost envy seeing them grow up with a wonderful dad that tells them how much he loves them all the time smile

Mylittlestsunshine Sun 02-Apr-17 11:22:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TealStar Sun 02-Apr-17 11:22:19

Sorry, tenses all wrong in first sentence!!

midsomermurderess Sun 02-Apr-17 11:22:22

Mine used to tell me I was fat. I really wasn't.

TealStar Sun 02-Apr-17 11:23:26

I blame a lot of my self-esteem issues on this, but I don't hate him for it.

TartYvette Sun 02-Apr-17 11:23:42

My dad is very loyal and supportive in many ways but he would die rather than tell me either of those things, let alone give me a hug or kiss! Truth be told I don't think he even likes me and seems puzzled sometimes as to how we can be related! But he is what I have and I could have done an awful lot worse. He has always bailed me out of situations and is there for me in his own way.

ittooshallpass Sun 02-Apr-17 11:23:44

Mine told me he loved me for the first time when I was 24 (and about to work overseas). But I never felt unloved. He showed me in so many ways that he loved me.

Madbengalmum Sun 02-Apr-17 11:24:15

No, all mine has ever done is insult me. Hence the fact i am NC. He is an embarrassment to all men.

blueskyinmarch Sun 02-Apr-17 11:24:49

I dont think my dad has ever told me he loved me or that was beautiful but he is the most wonderful, lovliest dad you can ever imagine. As a family we are not demonstrative but i know i am truly loved and appreciated by my dad. I honestly can’t remember what he said to me on my wedding day. He was probably joking and laughing with me. I am not sure he would have thought to tell me i looked beautiful he would just have assumed i knew that.

pocketsaviour Sun 02-Apr-17 11:26:22

Mine didn't - in fact he made a point of saying "You're the clever one, your sister is the pretty one." Unspoken implication that me and sis took away was that she was thick and I was ugly.

The only times I can remember him saying he loved me would be just after sexually assaulting me. hmm

Lweji Sun 02-Apr-17 11:26:51

I don't remember my dad telling me he loved me, but he was always there for me when I needed him and was always supportive. So, no real need to say it, although that would have been nice.

ElphabaTheGreen Sun 02-Apr-17 11:27:03

I think you're probably going to get all of the unrepresentative responses on here, OP.

No, my dad never told me I was beautiful, but he was a monumental cunt in all ways, and hence we're now NC.

I think normal non-cunt dads probably do tell their daughters they're beautiful.

Scrowy Sun 02-Apr-17 11:27:44

Absolutely no way! But I know he does grin

Gingernaut Sun 02-Apr-17 11:28:18

Bits of me. My hair especially.

He practically went into mourning when it was cut short and dyeing it annoyed him.

I was always obese when he was alive, that embarrassed him

NotALottaPot Sun 02-Apr-17 11:28:31

Can't remember that he ever did either thing. We're closer now than when I was a kid. But if I want a complement, I have to go fishing for it.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 02-Apr-17 11:28:47

My dad told me he loved me and he was proud of me all the time. I don't specifically remember him telling me I was beautiful.


BillyDaveysDaughter Sun 02-Apr-17 11:29:10

Not really, my father only does things for his own ends. He's a very selfish self absorbed person.

He congratulated me on having grown my hair once, circa 2007.

EBearhug Sun 02-Apr-17 11:30:03

Mine never did, but he also didn't do put-downs. As my mother said, "we don't do drama and all that emotional stuff in out family." I never doubted that he loved me, though. My mother, OTOH - almost never had a good word about how I looked or anything, and I couldn't count on her support like I could with Dad.

My parents did a good job in many ways, but they were rubbish at the emotional side of things, and I sometimes think that's partly why I've only ever had distance relationships, in the rare times I haven't been totally single.

mackerelle Sun 02-Apr-17 11:31:01

Thanks for all the responses, and I'm sorry for so many of you who have had the same. I suppose it is quite common then.

pocketsaviour flowers

UndersecretaryofWhimsy Sun 02-Apr-17 11:31:32

I... just really don't think this is the measure of a dad.

Mine would not ever have said those two things verbally. I knew he loved me and I would have found it frankly weird if he'd commented on my attractiveness. I knew I was loved and it wasn't for my appearance. He was there, he was supportive, he was reliable, he was loving and kind. That was the important bit. I have robust self-esteem as an adult without my dad (or mum) having told me I'm pretty.

SleepFreeZone Sun 02-Apr-17 11:31:44

No, but he also never criticised my looks. My personality yes, but not my looks.

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